Up above is the video
This video is me personally speaking on my past dealing with body image. I know I have given light previous to this video as to what all I had to go through, but I wanted to dive in a bit more and use a video so that I could speak on it personally with everyone. Forgive me, I look horrible in this video, but it was late in the evening. Some things I failed to mention in the video to save time was I had people make fun of my neck because they thought it was thick and odd looking, I had people make fun of the length of my arms, I had people make jokes about how I didn’t have a butt, I had people make fun of the fact my eyes were slanted. I guess you could say, it was all petty but it changed the outlook on myself and changed how I perceived myself in the mirror and in front of others. I know I am not perfect, and that is fine, but I still struggle sometimes with the concept of not being beautiful or not being pretty or not having what “she” has, I know I have come a long way but it tore a piece of me that I will never get back; my youth. I was unable to enjoy being a kid or teen because I was more worried about how I looked and what others thought of me, I was too preoccupied being a star athlete and trying to fit the mold others created. I fucked up my whole mindset on what it meant to be “good enough”, I lost social confidence and struggle to even go out in public without feeling like something is physically wrong with my body. I work on myself each and everyday; it still remains a battle but a battle that can be won and a battle that will take more time before I am 100 percent confident with ALL OF ME. I don’t think people realize how many mask I have to wear just to make it through the day sometimes, how many times I tell myself “I look good”, “I am making progress” just so I don’t over examine my body, my face, my everything. When I am at the gym, I feel comfortable where I no longer need to wear a mask, I can come as I am not feel like I don’t fit in. Sure, people might still look at me, or think less of me, but I know everyone is there because they have their own journey and I just keep that in mind. I don’t want pity or anyone to feel bad for me, because I know people who have stories to tell, I just want people to know you are beautiful, handsome, pretty, cute, however you choose to look and no matter how someone else looks at you, all that matters is that you like what you see when you look in that mirror and you have accepted your flaws and continue to grow and make progress internally and externally if necessary. I am still working on acceptance, I have a long road ahead of me, but I am proud of how far I have come to love myself more, and I am proud of who I am becoming because it makes me smile. I love my body because I am choosing to mold into my standards NOT anyone else’s. I might have my struggles, but my struggles disappear when I take the time to think of where I was and where I am now. ❤
Thanks for reading, I hope that all of you have enjoyed the video and feel free to share your stories me!
Your fitness blogger,