365 Days of self Discovery: Your Relationships

7.01.19

Day 42

Is there a relationship in your life that you would like to change? How would you change it?

There are a few relationships in my life currently that I would like to change — all of which needed changed years ago but still haven’t reached the point where I am satisfied, more like content because it has improved but not more than a little steps forward and 100 steps backwards. 

  1. The relationship between me and my younger brother (24) — we are 3 years apart so we have grown up together and I feel as though our relationship/bond is not there; it is forced or neglected. I have raised my hand and tried to connect & find a way to bond but he pushes it away or ignores it and it sucks because I think as siblings, we should be a lot closer than what we are & I always hope he will eventually jump on board or at least TRY, but fails to do so for whatever reason. Neither one of us is perfect but our relationship is not healthy– it is more or less a battle that has been going on for years & instead of displaying it for the world to see, we tend to hide it and pretend nothing is wrong– I feel as though he has grown to be more arrogant in general but especially towards me, he feels more superior and thinks everything he says is right, he has the support of my mom (which is another not great relationship I have), he lacks any form of respect towards me as human and finds joy in making me feel like crap most of the time. I’d love to get to the point where we can hang out and really be involved in each others lives but so far it hasn’t happened. 
  2. The relationship between my mom and myself, this one has shown improvement but again not enough where it stays consistent. I feel as though my mom will always have conditions for her love when it comes to me compared to my sibling. It shows and it gets old and my grandmother witnesses it & while I do love my mom and wouldn’t wish anything bad to happen to her, I feel myself steady detaching myself from her and my younger brother & unless something changes between now and the next year, I will find myself without either one of them being apart of my life due to my own choice because I don’t want a relationship like this for the rest of my life, and I need positive supportive people in my life who love me without conditions & don’t have me feeling like I have to constantly prove myself worthy of their love. 
  3. The relationship with one or both of my cousins — we don’t have a relationship really, because we don’t talk besides the holidays and even then, not much is said between us & I want that to change but honestly, I don’t know how I would go about it at this rate because I don’t know if I am willing to make the first move in hopes they take to it. I would agree that I should be the bigger person or TRY but at the same time, I get sick of trying and failing or feeling like I am overextending myself to be let down or made a fool at the end of the road. I think when it comes to this relationship, I would like to see her make the first move and hopefully I am receptive of it in return. 
This was a good question indeed, it really made me analyze the type of relationships I have with my family & friends honestly & it also made me aware of what would need to be done in order for it to be salvaged or maintained in a healthy way. I like to hope by this time next year, all three of these relationships are better and have shown great improvement or steps towards it and I will have positive things to share but I can’t hold my breathe. I don’t like playing victim but at the same time I don’t like taking fault for things that I didn’t choose to do & I would like for my family members to take some form of responsibility in this and at least try to talk about it with me or make some form of change that opens a door for discussion & peace. 

Published by fitnessgrad

Hello! College graduate in exercise science and ACSM Certified Personal Trainer. My blog has all kinds of fun topics, something for everyone who is anyone that involves themselves with fitness. I like to think of fitness as a confidence booster, something to make us feel good and look good & pushes us to do things that make us feel more productive, unstoppable and stronger mentally and physically. My blog focuses on building people, and helping people see their true potential, while also sharing my journey with workouts, competing with powerlifting, and sharing how to's on workouts, so you step inside the gym with more knowledge. I don't know everything but I am on a voyage to build my character, my strength and work on my weaknesses --- with awesome people in my corner who support me and my goals. I plan on being your cheerleader, friend, coach and trainer all-in-one and most of all, I want to be your listener, the person who can listen and gain more knowledge about you and learn what makes fitness important to you; what's your why! (Your why will carry you to the finish line). It's important to have purpose for something, because you will need that purpose when you start to give up on yourself or want to quit. "Don't let the fire that guides you, dim" - Shay-lon Besides the fitness stuff, I reside in Ohio, love dogs and love pizza. Typical 26 year old trying to build an empire that brings out the best in others and makes me the best person I can be in all aspects in my life. Before I die, I want a reason to live, and I was given that reason each day I am able to wake up --- I have learned to not take life for granted and to explore as much as possible because to live with zero regrets would be fantastic! "I've conquered many things, but I still have much to learn about life, because nobody can know everything. & every battle is different" - Shay-lon

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