Narcissism (Mental Health Post)

Mental Health is just as important as physical health. 

 

It has been awhile since I was able to hit on more mental health topics, considering, I find that many people have mental health conditions that go undiscovered. I have mentioned in prior mental health post that is very important to take care of your mind just as much as it is to take care of your body and for some people it is considered more important but that is neither here or there. My point is in order to take care of yourself, you have to have some kind of balance in your life, one that is destructive toward you or others. 

 

This particular mental health condition is normally a word used closely to the word “selfish”. I am not sure how many people are aware of the mental condition narcissism or even understand it, but in this post, I am going to share some good information to take with you after reading this. I would highly recommend that many of you do your own research afterwards to gain a better understanding of it because I think the more aware we are about something, the less we turn a blind eye to it. Now without offending anyone with this health condition, this is not a post to slam you or make you feel like a piece of shit about who you are or what you do to others, but hopefully will be a wake up call and give you a reason to want to change for the better if possible – like any condition, I don’t expect things to happen overnight. For those of you who might know someone who is narcissistic, then hopefully you will be able to share your thoughts & experiences in the comment section – don’t be afraid to add your own two cents to this post, the more information , the better! 

For beginners what is a narcissist? 

  • A person who has an excessive interest in or admiration for themselves. 
  • It is a “personality disorder”

Based on (DSM)-5 The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: These are things that would possibly classify one as narcissistic: (this was published in 2013)

  • exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • expectations of being recognized as superior being (without achievements that warrant it)
  • exaggerating achievements & talents
  • mind is preoccupied with fantasies such as success, power, brilliance, beauty or having the perfect spouse/partner
  • the belief that you are superior and can only be understood by those who are equally special
  • require constant admiration
  • sense of entitlement
  • expectations of having special favors done for them and unquestioned compliance with one’s expectations
  • Taking advantage of others in order to get what they want
  • Inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
  • being envious of others and belief that others are envious of you
  • behaving in an arrogant manner

What causes one to have this personality disorder?

  • In all honesty, it is not specifically known, but there are studies saying possible genetics or psychobiology. Speculation says some may believe the mismatching of parent-child relationships. 

This personality disorder is said to be found in more males than females, and is usually spotted in early teens BUT even if a teen has some of these characteristics, it does not ALWAYS mean that they have this disorder (it could be typical of their age and doesn’t guarantee them to grow up with narcissism) – which in my opinion is why sometimes it goes unknown or not correctly spotted.  

Bad things that could come of being narcissistic:

  • Relationship difficulties
  • Problems at work and school – with coworkers
  • Depression
  • Possible drug or alcohol abuse
  • Possible suicidal thoughts or behaviors

Although some of these complications can be for more than one disorder NOT just narcissism. 

Diagnosing the disorder?

  • I am not a therapist, so I am not sure how each of them do this, but from what I have gathered there is usually an exam or some kind of evaluation that can help the therapist recognize this disorder BUT because so many people may have more than one disorder it does make it more difficult to diagnose at times. 

With all of this being said, I read a couple of blogs that discussed this disorder, one being: http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/resources/what-is-narcissism/ (that also mentions the DSM- 5) it was a good read and short. Maybe it will be something you would be interested in reading, we pretty much shared the same kind of information but their blog has a little bit of a twist to it & she has some sources she shares in her blog post that you can look into for further guidance. Thank you for reading, feel free to share, comment, like and follow. 

 

Your Fitness Blogger,

Shay-lon xxoo

Self Confidence

What does it mean to be confident, to love one self? What does it mean to put yourself first and allow others to give you the respect that you demand because you have earned it? have you been waiting for someone to tell you ” you are good enough” or are you still searching for that perfect little world where no problems will ever arise. Have you forgotten where to start and where to go, because you have been more focused on starting and going to someone else’s beat.  Do you even know yourself, do you truly love yourself even when you see the flaws? 

I am not sure how everyone feels about who they are and I am not able to make one love his or herself because it takes that ONE person to do that for themselves. People always nail people to a wall who have low self esteem or no confidence, we expect everyone to walk with confidence, self dignity and live in no fear but honestly, how can we put such high expectations on people when we are the same people judging others for their walk of life.  I cannot explain this, because this is what makes us human, our instincts are to judge when we don’t know or understand.  We tend to lack compassion these days because we have too many people running around taking advantage of the “good” we do and not enough people paying it forward. Confidence is said to be “sexy” and necessary in order to have a healthy relationship (in which I may agree) , but what happens when you are expected to do the same (be confident) and you are put in a situation where you feel uncomfortable? no longer can you walk with your head held high, no longer can you talk without stuttering, no longer are you able to judge someone else’s same predicament and no longer can you be the one to set these expectations on others when now you know what it is like to not have that oz of confidence in you. Where am I going with this?

“Self Confidence is built on loving yourself not on making yourself feel more superior to others” – Shay-lon Moss

If we truly learn to love ourselves overtime and choose to accept our flaws and change the ones that need to be changed in order to better ourselves, it won’t matter what environment we are in, what we are wearing, how much money we have and who we are friends with, it won’t matter how good of an athlete we are, what trophies we have won, and what kind of occupation we have, because when you learn to truly love who you are – nothing about those things matter to you as much as being yourself. 

How do we love ourselves, that is something we all need to figure out, we just hope that what we have, never gets in the way of who we are. 

“Sometimes loving yourself can change how you look at others” -Shay-lon Moss. 

Your fitness blogger

How do you manage your stress?

Hello bloggers!

Today’s problems that we can and cannot control can sometimes give us the most stress, the financial burdens, our relationships, our work load, if you have children or pets, sometimes our neighbors or bosses, the weather, the town or environment we live in, death, our past we hold onto, school, struggling to self- identify, our religions, not meeting a goal, our anxieties, fears, sleep deprived, illnesses, sexual desires not being met, lack of self esteem and confidence, struggling between what is right and what is wrong, sports, family members, holidays, birthdays, moving from one place to another, being homeless, losing your job, not having transportation, not understanding, anger, confusion, negativity, handicaps, losing, comparing, health, being a hero, struggling, etc. I could name so many things that could bring on stress on a daily basis for each and every one of us. I named just a few that I know are fairly common reasons for why people are stressful.  As a matter of fact, I am sure one of you reading this might be feeling somewhat stressed for one or more of these reasons and not even realize it. I know I have stresses, I was just stressing the other day and I am in a grumpy not yet stressful mood now (just woke up in pain and have a lot on my mind).  So, even myself has stress, more stress than I actually want in my life and sometimes more than I can handle.  The problem isn’t that we ALL stress at some point in our lives, the problem is HOW we handle the stress when it comes knocking at our doors.  I can share with all of you ways some people handle it: alcohol, drugs, violence, hate, greed, addictions, obsessions, emotionally disconnecting, running from it, bottling their feelings/thoughts, taking over the counter medications, suicide, etc. I realize this list isn’t the list we want to come to terms with, but more than likely someone has handled stress in one of those ways and not saying what they did was WRONG, because we cannot preach something if we have no idea how that person is feeling or what they went through, but there are BETTER ways to manage stress, more productive ways that prevent us from going down a road that is dark and lonely. 

I am hoping this list of ways to manage stress will come of use to those of you and myself when we run into a stressful situation and need something to help us get by. “Sometimes we think we have it bad, but bad only exist when we allow it to conquer who we are as a person” -Shay-lon Moss

How do you manage stress: 

  1. Ask yourself what can you do about the sources of stress (what is causing your stress)
  2. Keep a positive, realistic attitude (hard to do, but only you can do it for you)
  3. Learn and practice relaxation techniques (some may find this helpful and others will not)
  4. Exercise (cliche because I workout, but exercise is said to help)
  5. Eat healthier (take care of your health)
  6. Manage your time wisely (set goals, to do list, plan, etc) 
  7. Say no when necessary to things that add more stress in your life
  8. Make more time for hobbies and interest (this is important)
  9. Get enough sleep (this is also very important and for some hard to do)
  10. Don’t rely on alcohol, drugs or food in order to ease your mind, it will be short term and will only be more stressful down the road.
  11. Spend more time with people you love being around (people who are doing well, people who love and support you, people that make you laugh or smile)
  12. Talk with a professional or look into taking a stress management class 
  13. Listening to music has said to help with getting your mind of the stressful situation

Sometimes it isn’t about coping, it is about allowing everything to come to surface.  I always tell myself and others when they are enduring stressful situations to allow tears and madness out, because keeping it in, fucks with your mind. 

This is what could happen if you don’t manage your stress: 
 
It can wear down the body’s natural defenses and cause symptoms: 
  1. Dizziness (being out of it)
  2. General aches and pains
  3. Grinding your teeth
  4. headaches 
  5. indigestion
  6. increase or loss of appetite
  7. muscle tension in neck, face or shoulders
  8. Problems sleeping
  9. Racing heart
  10. Cold and sweaty palms
  11. Tiredness and exhaustion
  12. Shaking 
  13. Weight gain or loss
  14. Upset stomach and/or diarrhea
  15. Sexual issues
  16. Being irritable, impatient or forgetful
“Stress is something we want to avoid, but avoiding it becomes more stressful” -Shay-lon Moss
Your Fitness blogger,
Shay-lon xoxo

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder- OCD

obessive compulsive disorder

Bringing back the mental health topics for today and the one we will be speaking of is: OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder).  I, myself have a form of OCD which can be bad depending on what it is, but normally is minor. Actually overtime, my OCD has gotten to a point where it hasn’t been as relevant in my life. I guess the things that used to bother me, I can now overlook the majority of the time.  I don’t think I know anyone with a severe form of OCD, but when watching a television show on MTV that used to come on (“true life”) or something like that, they had an episode telling of people who have OCD and how they live their everyday lives and the people with the more severe forms had a fairly difficult time sometimes (with work, relationships, etc) so I could not imagine going through that everyday, but I do know what it is like when other people don’t necessarily understand your OCD and give you hell for it.  My mom is OCD and a perfectionist about the majority of things, so I think mine stemmed from that, but overtime, I did notice she hasn’t been as OCD like she used to be (I was annoyed as a kid), because I didn’t understand it at the time. I swear I just thought she was bat shit crazy, but come to find out.. she just had OCD and was a perfectionist about shit. Now I understand because I am the same way sometimes about certain things.  At work, when I am being OCD about something, my coworkers just don’t always understand & it can annoy them sometimes, but they don’t give me too much slack about it, thankfully.  Anyways, I thought I would share some information about this disorder.  

What does it mean to have OCD: 

To have a common, chronic and long lasting disorder, in which the person has uncontrollable, reoccuring thoughts and behaviors that he or she feels the urge to repeat over and over again. 

Obsessions: Repeated thoughts, urges, or mental images that cause anxiety, symptoms:

  • Fear of germs or contamination
  • Unwanted forbidden or taboo thoughts involving sex, religion, and harm
  • Aggressive thoughts towards others or self
  • Having things symmetrical or in perfect order

Compulsions: Repetitive behaviors that a person with OCD feels the urge to do in response to an obsessive thought. Compulsions:

  • Excessive cleaning or hand washing
  • Ordering and arranging things in a particular, precise way
  • Repeatedly checking on things
  • Compulsive counting

NOT ALL RITUALS OR HABITS ARE CONSIDERED COMPULSIONS!

 

A person with OCD:

  • Can’t control his or her behaviors, or thoughts
  • can spend 1 hour a day on these thoughts or behaviors
  • Doesn’t get pleasure when performing the thoughts or behaviors, but could feel a brief relief from the anxiety the thoughts cause
  • Can experience significant problems in their daily life due to these thoughts or behaviors

Some people with OCD also have a tic disorder as well. 

Risk Factors:

  • Genetics
  • Brain structure and functioning
  • Environment (those who have experienced physical or sexual abuse have a higher risk of OCD)

Treatment options:

  • Medication
  • psychotherapy
  • Deep brain stimulation
  • Augmentation

If you would like more information about this disorder, please refer to this site: https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/.  Also keep in mind not everyone knows they have OCD, most adults and/or children are not aware that they have the disorder.  

 

Thank you for reading.

 

Your fitness blogger,

Shay-lon xoxo

 
 

Depression.

Hey bloggers, today I want to put a spin on things and talk about mental health.  Although my blog is dedicated to fitness, I dedicate the other half of my blog (health) to both physical and mental health. I believe many people have struggled with some kind of mental health during the period of their life, whether it was depression, anxiety, stress, bipolar, etc.  In my blog post today, I want to speak on depression specifically but do know that I will have post in the future of other mental health diagnosis as well, I figure I will get to each of them at some point and when new ones come streaming out, I will make myself aware of those as well. For the majority of people who have struggled with mental health, they do not particularly enjoy talking about it; it is of the past, and they want to move on. Reason being, well there are many reasons, but I know my reason was shame, and because I didn’t want people to pass judgement on me. There was once a period of time where mental health problems were considered an “omen” and people thought anyone with these issues should be hospitalized and treated differently because they were not in their “right mind”. Now I was not born nor did I live in those days, so I will not be able to give specifics on how people were treated, but I assure you, it was not pleasant.  For those of you who struggle with depression or have struggled with depression, I want to make you aware that you are not alone and if you want to speak on it to enlighten people or share your experience, feel free or if you need someone to talk to, also feel free to contact me. I may not be able to diagnosis or treat your problem, but I can be an ear to listen to your voice and maybe share some of my downward spirals.. and positive stories. Nonetheless, I do not want anyone to feel out of place or feel any less about themselves because of what they have or are going through.  “We all have skeletons in our closets, some people are better at hiding them” -Shay-lon

For starters, my depression/stress was never diagnosed or treated with medication.  I never went to see a specialist nor did I even think to do that, it was considered “weird” at the time I though to seek help from someone outside of friends or family. I didn’t want to be labelled “crazy” or “weird” or “fucked up” , etc.. and I surely did not believe I needed help from people who did not even know me.  Mine in particular was probably minor compared to a lot of people’s, and mine had spurts where it was moderate due to the relationship I was in at the time.  I think part of my depression happened while dating the first partner I was with, the relationship became toxic and mentally exhausting.. I sunk into a deep hole and didn’t know who I was anymore. I was only 18 at the time, so still young and living life, but not able to cope with relationships and was horrible with handling arguments because they stressed me out.  Another reason I believe I had depression was because of what I had to see and endure as a young child with my mom’s relationships.  It was heartbreaking and yet I was too young to make any kind of stand but I remember each of them like it happened yesterday.  I won’t go into specifics because I don’t think that is necessarily important but I will say it reruns in my mind now whenever she has dated someone, only because I have learned to not trust any man she has dated.. it was programmed in my head because of all of the anger instilled in me. I think sometimes my mom didn’t know her self worth, but that is a discussion for a later time.  Most of you are probably wondering if my mom and I’s relationship is toxic, well not exactly, we have our rough patches and more so than not we bump heads.  I won’t say we can’t be civil but when it comes to her dating, I cannot let go of the past sometimes.  Although I am learning fairly quickly, I know longer need to give a shit because I have MY OWN LIFE to live and have to focus on my well-being now.  I also believe the fact that I was moving state to state after 9th grade and losing and gaining friends, it might have taken a toll on me quite a bit, I was unstable and not able to grow bonds that lasted because I was constantly preparing myself for the time I would leave and getting close to someone meant being hurt and sad when it was time for us to move again.  I think having to worry about fitting in and constantly being made light of as a child, might have been a beginning of my hurt and pain. 

I think the cherry on the pie was the fact I didn’t have any family at my high school graduation, that really burnt me, and the reasoning is beyond stupid, I am sure a guilt my mom and my younger brother will have to deal with in their own time and stepdad at the time.. However, at this time we were all seeing a therapist to sort out our differences, I pretty much came out the box and said how I felt and it felt decent but my mom isn’t one for wanting others to feel how they feel, confusing, yes. Which is one of the many reasons why our relationship is tainted. Something I am in no rush of fixing anymore, like I said I have my own life now.. worrying about fixing shit that could have been nipped in the bud back when is no longer on my agenda. To make the story short, because this isn’t about me.. there are many other reasons that obviously play into my past depressive episodes but the moral of the story is “you don’t know what someone has gone through just by looking at them”-Shay-lon Hopefully with my opening up to all of you, you won’t feel the need to hide behind walls, like I said I have yet to be diagnosised and don’t take medication because mine is more minor than anything and I have gotten past it! thankfully, but stress, well that probably isn’t going away anytime soon! 

Depression- Feeling helpless, hopeless and worthless that last many days to weeks and keep you from functioning normally.

There are many types of depression and I may not hit them all but here is a short list of some: 

  • Chronic depression
  • Bipolar Depression 
  • Major depression
  • Seasonal depression
  • Psychotic depression
  • Postpartum depression
  • Substance induced mood disorder
  • Atypical depression
  • Pre-menstrual disorder depression
Common symptoms: (not everyone will have these symptoms, it will depend on the severity, the length of time and how frequent they occur)
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering details and making decisions
  • Fatigued and decreased energy
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
  • Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
  • Insomnia, early morning wakefulness or excessive sleeping
  • Irritability, restlessness
  • loss of interest in hobbies or activities that once brought you pleasure
  • loss of pleasure in life
  • loss in interest of sex
  • overeating or appetite loss
  • persistent aches or pains (headaches, cramps or digestive problems)
  • Persistent sad, anxious or “empty” feelings
  • Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts
There is mania and hypomania depressive episodes. Anyone can have depression, kids, teens, adults alike.  
 
Major depression: if you feel depressed most of the time for most days of the week
  1. Usually diagnosed if you have 5 of the above symptoms or more on most days for two weeks or longer.  One of the symptoms needs to be depressed mood or loss of interest in activities. 
  2. Usually talk therapy can help
  3. sometimes medication is prescribed
Persistent depression (Dysthymia): Depression that last 2 years or longer
  1. Usually treated with psychotherapy or medication and sometimes both
Seasonal Disorder: A period of major depression that most often happens in the winter months.
  1. Antidepressant can help
  2. some type of “light” therapy treatment
Psychotic depression: Have major depression but with psychotic symptoms as well
  1. Hallucinations
  2. Delusions
  3. Paranoia 
  4. most people will take a combination of antidepressant and anti-psychotic drugs 
  5. ECT could also be an option
Postpartum depression: Women with major depression in the weeks and months after childbirth.
  1. Antidepressant drugs are usually prescribed.
So hopefully this is something people will stay aware of, and make others aware of. Depression is not a joke, it should be taken seriously ALL THE TIME. If you know someone with depression, this is the time to be by their side more so, because depression can become very severe and can lead to much harsher things in the long run if not treated or given appropriate care in time. Also, if you are someone who struggles with depression, do not be like myself who ignored help, I am a bad example of how to go about handling it, yes I came out of it on my own and yes I am not diagnosed or treated for it, but honestly.. it wasn’t an easy road and it isn’t something everyone can do on their own. I highly recommend you make others in your life aware of your situation and allow for someone to help you if possible.  Please share this blog post among people you know and social media platforms because I definitely want to be part of the movement in helping those that suffer from mental illnesses, this should never be taken lightly and the more people are aware and informed, the less it will become of this social omen.  I would highly recommend that if you would like more information, that you speak with someone who is a specialist, someone who has suffered from depression and do your own research as well, because you never know who close to you may suffer from it and trust me it is better to know than turn a blind eye. Thank you for reading.
Your fitness blogger,
Shay-lon xoxo