365 Day Self Discovery Challenge: Day One.

What are three things you like most about yourself?

Like most people, this was somewhat difficult; and not because I don’t like anything about myself, but because I didn’t know what I liked “most” about myself. It was almost like having to play the elimination game as to what was most important to me. I figured at somewhat this would be a question, I didn’t expect it to be the first question during the challenge. Many times people ask this question when they are trying to make you realize your worth, or have you analyze what traits you have that are good, that are good enough & that one should be proud of. It shouldn’t be a difficult question, assuming you are decent human being who has friends and family that love you. if that’s the case, it should be more of why? why do people flock to you, or like you? but deeper than that, does their reason for liking you match your own reason for liking yourself? If your friends tell you that like you because you are helpful, do you believe you are helpful? do you believe you hold that trait or do you believe it is only based on the fact you allow people to take advantage of you? Sometimes the traits others like about us, aren’t traits we necessarily agree with ourselves — it’s possible that the traits me hold that we enjoy are the ones that many people don’t see or happen to not take interest in, or perhaps are traits you hide in order to protect yourself. Regardless, I think this was a perfect first question, because I know this is an important question if I want to get to know myself on a deeper level. 

The first answer I had to this question is:

  1. The fact I can make anybody laugh without trying. It explains itself, but I have always had this inner self that enjoyed making others laugh. I was the class-clown throughout elementary, middle and high school — it was just who I was; silly, comical, sarcastic and very witty when it came to putting a smile on someone’s face (even if it meant I was embarrassing myself in order to do so) but now when I read this, I think of the many times, I was making people laugh on my own expense & it didn’t feel as good afterwards — It was like I was walking joke; how can someone take anyone seriously if all that do is crack jokes and act childishly? They can’t & I think that’s the con to this trait. Its being able to make someone laugh but not realizing that in the long run, laughing was also my way of hiding behind a mask to cover up my insecurities. If I wanted to feel comfortable in a setting, or wanted to fit in with people, it was my way of auditioning for the cool kid table, my way of proving my own worth to others. Basically sums up why, I still use laughing gigs in order to make me feel comfortable or at ease. My random thoughts, jokes, and bouts of sarcasm are hiding my social anxiety. It’s a wonder that when I tell people I have social anxiety, they always reply with “I wouldn’t have guessed”. While I love making people laugh, I also want people to take me seriously & I don’t want to continue to use it as a shield for my social anxiety, I want to utilize it as a trait that makes other people comfortable around me and not make me stand out as the standing joke. 
  2. That I am a good goal setter, and ambitious.  This trait alone is rarity these days because people become complacent when they are comfortable, but I always aim for much more than that for myself, because I see how far others have come to meet their goals & I decide that anything is possible after that, even if it means I have to put in more work. My ambition gives me drive and allows me to set goals, but when my ambition runs low, so does my motivation to set goals and achieve them. I have worked aimlessly to meet deadlines, to achieve great things within my life but the problem is when you are as ambitious as myself, you never see it as an accomplishment, only another step in the right direction. You wear yourself thin to the point where you either shut down, or give up, or become stressed out to the point of rage & it does you know good, but you feel as though you are always behind when really you made progress. I don’t know what progress is when I am embarking on a new goal or taking another leap forward, it never feels like an achievement in my eyes, it’s almost like I am moving in slow motion; light years away from the finish line. I love my ambitious personality and the fact I see better for myself, but it hinders me from seeing the overall scope of things, it brings the worst out of me when I don’t feel like I am being productive in my life, when I feel like I could be so much further but I am not, it hinders my mentality and gives me stress, overwhelms me and brings me down in a slump at the sight of how much more pavement I have left. It’s a curse and blessing.
  3. My ability to motivate myself. I don’t rely on the support of others to get me through the day, to have me start my daily routine, to give me the energy after work to attend the gym for a workout, to wake up out of bed after a break up.  I don’t like relying on other people for motivation because I have seen where people have let people down & the end result never ends well. I don’t need a cheerleader in order to hit a PR or a friend to attend the gym with me in order for me to feel obligated to go, I use my own intrinsic motivation to get me by because at the end of the day, that’s what works best. The problem with relying on yourself is the fact we are human and have bad days & when they happen, it’s hard to talk yourself out of the bad day.. so that’s when a friend/peer/family member would be a good asset. There have been days that I had wished I gotten a text or phone call or note telling me that I am doing awesome & to keep it up but because I don’t get that kind of support from anyone, I have to focus in on myself and use what’s most important to me to help me pick myself back up again if need be. It isn’t easy relying on your own motivation; but it makes you stronger and gives you a sense of independence. 

I want all of you to give this challenge a try and make a blog post — asking yourself this same question and answering it. I want you to tag me and or send me the blog post when finished so that I can read it & be apart of your personal self discovery. I think self discovery can be done in many different forms and takes time, & so, if you need a reason to do it, do it because you want to continue to grow and want to learn more about yourself. In fact I am doing both, keeping a private journal handwritten and sharing this journey with all of you on my blog. I hope if anything else, you can share your journey with me and feel open to talk to me about many depths of who you are. Thank you for reading & see you tomorrow for day 2. 

Shay-lon 

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Sometimes I feel like I am drowning —

Hey everyone 🙂

With as busy as I have been, I know I haven’t been consistent with my post like I was in the past and that is because I am building a new website for my personal training business I want to do & I have been traveling and out of town a whole lot more since it is the summer. 

Not to mention, I want to start up a new podcast for my business but it will be fun and lot more laid back — but coming up with a title has been grueling, so hopefully within the month that will be a  finished product. I have had a lot on my plate with this new business venture I am taking and being sponsored by two companies and having an online presence on IG, FB and Twitter, etc has been taking a toll sometimes — it can be quite overwhelming and I am always on the go, go, go. There is hardly enough time for me to just do me *hints why I am usually gone for a long period of time from this blog*. I ma not trying to avoid any of you or make excuses for my absence but at times I need that breath of fresh air & not always will I post it. 

With all of this being said, I have yet to sit down and come up with a new schedule for this blog and my LGBTQ blog — so be patient with me, but do know I will  and when I do, I will let all of you know, because I know many of you like routine and enjoyed my older days when I was posting more often and with new, fun and exciting things that led you to my blog in the first place. Nothing comes easy when you have a lot on your plate on and offline — so this might be something that ends up being trial and error until I get it right. Once upon a time, I was keeping track of all my milestones when it came to followers on this blog, but since slowing down and realizing I am not dedicating the same amount of time I once was to this blog I found there was no point in doing all of that when my stats reflect my failure to commit to consistency; maybe in the future I will have new milestones I can reflect on and share but for now don’t expect anything HUGE until I have been a more regular blogger again. I am not giving up blogging or letting go of this blog or any of the other blogs I do, they are all successful blogs that I will make into a side profession, but the amount of time I am dedicating to them will be hindered quite a bit for sometime until I can get more things off my plate and have a balance — especially since I am making a website, that will need my full attention as well. I was always told to not break off more than I can chew (I suppose that is too late, considering circumstances) but I can still find ways to manage my blogs without them becoming a chore ( I don’t like chores) LOL.

In the meantime, once my website is up and running — it won’t be perfect of course because I still have to take proper steps in having it look more professional and what not, but for now I just want it up and running with new post/and possibly content and maybe features.. we shall see (one step at a time) and once my podcast is created and running — I will reveal that information as well, along with any other projects I am working on that would be relevant for all of my readers. 

I do want to say THANK YOU, because most of you continue to keep up with my blog post, and comment and still find time to make time for my writings without complaints. I may not be as good as I once was with keeping up with your blogs, but I do appreciate the time you have taken to subscribe to my blog, follow my blog, read and share it. I know being a blogger was not meant to be easy for everyone depending on your goals, and I chose to take the long road with the most reward BUT my blog wouldn’t be as valuable or or hold a purpose without ALL OF YOU BEING APART OF IT 🙂 Thank you for all your continued support. #CHEERS 

Shay-lon

P.S when I compete in my first powerlifting meet, I will also be sharing this with all of you !