How do you feel about others seeing your body? For example, at the beach?
- My only issue with exposing my body is the initial response of having to undress into my bikini (taking off the clothes that hide my bikini) but once I have fully revealed myself to the public within seconds, my main focus changes from worrying what others think to worrying about how cold the water is, LOL. It does take me awhile (a lot of contemplating) to even get to the point where I am in my bikini, many times it takes someone else to urge me to get into the water before I even consider it. The only other time this would bother me is if I notice someone staring or watching me the whole time, it gives me anxiety and makes me feel uncomfortable ( I know people will glance ) but I don’t like when people stare. Many people see me as someone in great shape but I don’t always see that through my eyes and it makes me more self conscious.
Are you comfortable looking in the mirror?
- I haven’t always been. During my junior and senior year of college I struggled with looking in the mirror and even when I was younger I didn’t particularly enjoy looking in a mirror so I carried the habit of avoiding mirrors through my adulthood (unless I HAD to). It took a professor of mine to make it a habit of me having to look in a mirror while exercising to watch my form and technique — before I could do it at the gym & it not bother me. At the time, it was due to my weight gain that I avoided the mirrors and didn’t particularly enjoy seeing myself in the mirror because it was like a constant reminder that I looked gross. I had never had weight issues growing up — always been healthy and lean / so when this happened it terrified me and angered me and gave me anxiety and made me more self conscious about my appearance overall. Now, I have my days where I avoid the mirror in general besides when lifting out of habit when I don’t feel or look the best (but doesn’t have much to do with my body) more so, my overall appearance & I don’t like looking at myself in the fitting room mirrors [[ never have]] because they all differ and many times give me a bad perception of how I look compared to how I feel.
I have never been comfortable looking in a mirror, so now that I feel more comfortable doing so when I need to or when lifting at the gym, I feel I have come a long way from that fear — and it shows my growth and trying to overcome an obstacle of self worth.
It came to me.. & so I have decided to share it with you.
So basically I have decided to take on a 365 day self-discovery impromptu questions — that will help me to hopefully get started on my journey to learning more about myself and what it means to be me. I know each year I will have different answers, and different reasons and experiences — which is why each year I plan on doing this — maybe same questions and maybe different questions. Who knows, all I know is, I want to watch myself unravel (both on paper and online). I know my blog is a fitness/health/wellness based blog & I don’t want that to be sidelined but I have always talked about mental health importance and I feel this fits in with it. Especially for myself. I need to self heal from wounds, I need to find myself and try not to lose grasp of what’s important to me due to other people not accepting it. I need to rediscover parts of me that I have been avoiding for years & try to grow myself from within to have a balance. I realize I will have bad days, and those can’t be avoided 100 percent but now it’s about coping with the bad days and finding a reason to look forward but not hold a longevity grudge that keeps my mind hostage. I don’t want to be held hostage in my own mind and I don’t want to hold myself back from opportunities that could arise here & now or in the near future.
Along with this self journaling I will be doing, I am going to be on a spiritual walk as well — as best as I can because I am human. This doesn’t mean I am going to be attending church or reading bible scriptures each day of the week — that’s not on my agenda. I just mean I am going to try to do a prayer daily (and not only when I have bad days) but also when the day is good & I am grateful for the fruits of my labor. Along with this spiritual venture, I have decided to give meditation another go and really implement it daily so that I have some form of mental coping mechanisms and clarity more often when I am feeling overwhelmed/stressed/angry/sad, etc. It won’t be easy because I am used to being part of the hustle and bustle but I am going to give it a go and see where what becomes of it. The goal is to post what meditation I did (duration, teacher, explanation & feelings towards it) and how it might have helped or didn’t help me or what I got from it/learned. Again I know this is odd considering the basis of most my post have more to do with the fact I am in a gym, but I needed to add something new for me & hopefully all of you will enjoy it as well. Not to mention, once my website is running, these are some of the “challenges” I will be writing on my personal training site as well so that my readers can get to know me on a less superficial basis and my clients can somewhat understand me. I don’t know how it will all play out, but I am positive something good will come from this. Especially if I plan on doing it for a long time.
I will continue to post my normal postings, so don’t feel as though I will neglect those, I won’t. I want to enhance my blog to a more lifestyle/fitness/health and wellness blog where it can cover multitudes of body and mind & not just one side of it. I am new to talking about deeper routed issues, so some questions may be harder than others, but I will give it my all. As far as meditation goes, I want to make it into a 365 day challenge as well — with sticking with it and implementing it daily (this will keep me accountable for both).
&& on a random note, I have been reading more again, & so I may every once in a while post a book I have read and some insight, those will probably be part of my thursday thoughts post.. since my blog is not a readers digest , lol. Thank you for being an awesome audience & again, I hope all of you will enjoy the new adventure… it will begin Monday!
To have a good “quality of life” is important for good health. We seem to always strive for a nice physique, for wealth and success – which is fine. But some of the more happiest of people, more healthiest of people, & genuine of people tend to have a quality of life that is rather amazing. When I say quality of life, I mean overall, how you choose to live your day-to-day, how you take care of yourself mentally and physically and the attitude you give off to others and the type of people you allow in your circle. All of which add up to your quality of life, and some people find their quality of life changes as they age and become more versed with the world and all it has to offer & become more picky as to how they spend their life. I want to strive to have a good quality of life, to have my priorities in order and be somebody that others can see that in the way I carry myself, my attitude and values.
Have you ever thought about what it means to have a good quality of life? what does it mean to you?