365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Relationships

7.15.19

Day 56

Who did you last spend quality time with? Why do you think you connect well with that person?

  • I spent time with my mom, youngest brother & my 11 year old cousin. I connect well with these people due to the fact I have known them their whole lives practically, and they are my family, I love them and adore them — I enjoy being around my cousin whom I don’t see often because my aunt moved away to another state, I have a close relationship with my youngest brother. and my mom, well when we get along, she is fun to hang with. 
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365 Days of self Discovery: Your Relationships

7.01.19

Day 42

Is there a relationship in your life that you would like to change? How would you change it?

There are a few relationships in my life currently that I would like to change — all of which needed changed years ago but still haven’t reached the point where I am satisfied, more like content because it has improved but not more than a little steps forward and 100 steps backwards. 

  1. The relationship between me and my younger brother (24) — we are 3 years apart so we have grown up together and I feel as though our relationship/bond is not there; it is forced or neglected. I have raised my hand and tried to connect & find a way to bond but he pushes it away or ignores it and it sucks because I think as siblings, we should be a lot closer than what we are & I always hope he will eventually jump on board or at least TRY, but fails to do so for whatever reason. Neither one of us is perfect but our relationship is not healthy– it is more or less a battle that has been going on for years & instead of displaying it for the world to see, we tend to hide it and pretend nothing is wrong– I feel as though he has grown to be more arrogant in general but especially towards me, he feels more superior and thinks everything he says is right, he has the support of my mom (which is another not great relationship I have), he lacks any form of respect towards me as human and finds joy in making me feel like crap most of the time. I’d love to get to the point where we can hang out and really be involved in each others lives but so far it hasn’t happened. 
  2. The relationship between my mom and myself, this one has shown improvement but again not enough where it stays consistent. I feel as though my mom will always have conditions for her love when it comes to me compared to my sibling. It shows and it gets old and my grandmother witnesses it & while I do love my mom and wouldn’t wish anything bad to happen to her, I feel myself steady detaching myself from her and my younger brother & unless something changes between now and the next year, I will find myself without either one of them being apart of my life due to my own choice because I don’t want a relationship like this for the rest of my life, and I need positive supportive people in my life who love me without conditions & don’t have me feeling like I have to constantly prove myself worthy of their love. 
  3. The relationship with one or both of my cousins — we don’t have a relationship really, because we don’t talk besides the holidays and even then, not much is said between us & I want that to change but honestly, I don’t know how I would go about it at this rate because I don’t know if I am willing to make the first move in hopes they take to it. I would agree that I should be the bigger person or TRY but at the same time, I get sick of trying and failing or feeling like I am overextending myself to be let down or made a fool at the end of the road. I think when it comes to this relationship, I would like to see her make the first move and hopefully I am receptive of it in return. 
This was a good question indeed, it really made me analyze the type of relationships I have with my family & friends honestly & it also made me aware of what would need to be done in order for it to be salvaged or maintained in a healthy way. I like to hope by this time next year, all three of these relationships are better and have shown great improvement or steps towards it and I will have positive things to share but I can’t hold my breathe. I don’t like playing victim but at the same time I don’t like taking fault for things that I didn’t choose to do & I would like for my family members to take some form of responsibility in this and at least try to talk about it with me or make some form of change that opens a door for discussion & peace. 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Relationships

5.27.19

Day 7

Who makes your life better?

  • I believe at this point, I am in control of that. However, my youngest brother comes a close second to that. 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Past

3.30.19

Day 23

Did you ever experience bullying? How did you deal with this?

  • Yes, I experienced bullying on multiple occasions throughout my life. I was bullied in elementary school,  two middle schools and two high schools. It was tough, because I was taught to stick up for myself and not allow people to do harm to me, thankfully, my bullying was all verbal but nonetheless, I never did stick up for myself. Normally, I would ignore it and say nothing, cry when I got home or had alone time, I would allow it to happen and not say anything to adults about it including my own family members. I pretty much did nothing. When I was being bullied by my own family sometimes, I did pretty much the same thing or I would lash out and cry, get mad and say really mean things back, remove myself from the room, etc. 
Have you ever been a victim of bullying? Did you do anything about it, or tell anyone? 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Past

3.14.19

Day 7

What is your happiest memory?

  • When I started becoming close to my youngest brother, spending time with him, teaching him things, watching him grow up and realizing now how it played a huge impact on his life — he and I are always so close and I love him to death. He is 10 years old now and I just hope he always remember the times we had together. 
What is your happiest memory? 

365 Days of Self Discovery: The Past

3.10.19

Day 3

What were the good things you remember from your childhood?

  • Being outside all the time with my younger brother playing sports, riding our bikes, playing with the neighbor kids, and skateboarding
  • My mom taking us to get ice cream before heading to the car wash
  • My mom making it a habit to buy us a cookie whenever we went shopping at the mall — I would always choose M&M and my mom would get peanut butter cookies 🙂
  • Playing basketball ALL THE TIME! lol That was my life most days
  • The holidays always being HUGE, so many people and food
  • Christmas, our Christmas every year was amazing, we would always get whatever we wanted, it was always exciting
  • My mom always being a great cook, she always cooked us a full course meal. We loved her cooking & still do
  • My younger brother and I staying up extremely late playing video games together
  • spending time with my grandma at her house. I would always watch my favorite Disney VHS movie from her HUGE collection (she still has all the Disney VHS movies) and my favorite to watch was “The Lion King”.
  • Going to the park for hours
  • Sledding during the winter
  • playing kickball with my childhood friend and younger brother each summer
  • Dancing in front of the TV in the living room to Backstreet Boys, Usher, NSYNC, etc it was how I learned how to dance — self taught
  • Walking to school with my younger brother – he always walked super slow, it made me pissed off most mornings, lol 
I had some good childhood memories, more than what is listed but to keep things short. I was very smart when it came to school, so I won tons of academic awards & athletic awards sometimes too. Not everyday was a good day, but the good times were great times. 
 
What are some good childhood memories you have?
 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & emotions

2.24.19

Day 56

What are the little things that make you happy?

  • good music
  • sunshine/warm weather
  • organized and clean bedroom / space
  • accomplishing a goal
  • helping others
  • phone calls from my youngest brother 
  • being alive
  • healthy overall
  • something positive, sweet that someone has said to me
  • food
  • friendships
  • dogs
  • being able to spend the day relaxing, laying in bed
  • working in my profession
  • my faith
  • observing elderly couples holding hands — the cutest
  • being outside among nature
  • kind gestures
What are some of the little things that make you happiest?