I don’t live my life to Appease you

Not anymore.

It is within our nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to “fit in” and feel like we can have a common place with someone else. We strive to be this person that people can say they like, talk highly about and want to be around on a more constant basis. It’s almost like we do things in order to prove we are worthy of these things, but what for? because popularity is a form of what we would consider “love”, and people like feeling loved — and cared for. It’s without a doubt, a great indicator of who we are and how we perceive ourselves because in the mist of wanting to be this “popular” buzz, we find out what sacrifices we had to make in order to appease the crowd & how those same sacrifices effect our character. Sometimes by being the “crowds favorite person” you find out that you had to sell your soul to the devil (metaphorically speaking) and once you decide to sell yourself short in order to gain a couple new friends, you don’t get to make another bargain. It’s a final sale & there are no refunds, you gave away yourself in order to buy a new face — you prided yourself for the amount of people who speak about you, but not everyone stays around long enough to meet the real you, when you finally have had a enough exhaustion for one day & need a break from it all, you have to remember it comes with a losing sacrifice, you lose out on the people you gained and you lost the ones who accepted you without change — but because of your greedy mind and wishful thinking, you have nobody at the end of this tunnel if you don’t stick with this mask that made you phenomenal. 

I created this writing as a piece to dedicate to myself & to those who have or once had lived to appease. They lived their lives constantly wanting someone to notice them, wanting to be their friend, wanting to be apart of something grand because for so long they weren’t happy with what they had, even if what they had was pure. Sometimes we want to strive for bigger & better but not always is this the best path, it can come with consequences if you don’t read the small bold print at the bottom of the contract and has its been known to change a person’s character and scar them. For we don’t get to choose who we meet, but if who we meet changes who we are for the worst, than maybe we need to reconsider how we go about letting people in. To appease someone else by changing yourself is like living a life with half truths. Not everyone was meant to like you, the true you, some will deem it “not good enough” ; but what isn’t good enough for them was good enough for those who stayed by your side no matter your flaws. If ONLY one person deemed you “good enough” , that one person is worthy of your love because that one person didn’t ask you to conform but instead asked you to be yourself in exchange for their true selves. We don’t have to unmask ourselves to see the face, we only have to question if who we really are, is the mask we put on everyday. Don’t live to appease, live to be loved and to be cared for 100 percent, live to be you, live to be true and never live to fit in because tears will flood the eyes who have reached their own demise. 

Shay-lon

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think in the comment section & if you are a fan of these spoken verses, please feel free to share with your peers, like this page and follow my blog. 

Advertisements

Working out 7 days a week & no results

The thing I have realized about the fitness industry while working in it, is people have this ongoing thought in their mind that the more they workout the more results, the better the physique, the stronger they are and the less at risk of health issues they will be. 

BUT.. 

It never ceases to amaze me how many of those people won’t see any results, their physique won’t change and their health issues still arise or have yet to go away & if being strong is lifting 225 for the first year and then never seeing an increase the next year, then strong needs to be re-evaluated as well. The concept of working out everyday sounds like the one way of ticket of gains and being more in shape & seeing more results but if you want some honesty  — you aren’t going to see neither working out 7 days a week without any type of change or routine that gets you there. I work at a gym where I see the same people doing the same routine day in and day out, they do it and do it, and do it until they complain about hitting plateaus, or not seeing the results they like or perhaps they do it and boost themselves up with this mindset that they have grown a whole 2 lbs in their squat after staying on the same routine for 12 weeks. Don’t get me wrong, there are 4 week, 6 week and 12 week programs out there but they are made to keep you focused and give you results in hopes you either do the same routine again (lets go another round) or to help give you a guide in order to keep you on the right path. They work, most do anyways, depending on your goals and how serious you are about the program & your nutrition matches your gym time. Putting those programs aside, its the mundane coming to the gym with no plan, doing a 10 minute cardio session warm up, lifting the same weights with the same 4-6 exercises you have done since starting the gym and leaving without even a single sweat or any sign of fatigue or soreness. Perhaps this is why you aren’t seeing the results, because you are lost and workout to workout but have no sense of direction — you say you want to lose weight but are avoiding cardio like the plague, you want to gain mass but lift 50 percent your max and you say you want a squat pr, but skip leg day BUT because you come into the gym everyday for 7 days a week for a hour at a time, you should reap all the benefits without doing the right kind of work. 

If this person is you, you aren’t alone. I am not making light of your journey, but I am putting you in the spotlight so you can see where you might be going wrong and what might need to change if you want all your effort to amount to something. I’ve worked at this gym for over a year and have had people ask me if I see any results from them, because they didn’t see any and I have had to say “no” many times because it’s true, I seen nothing. I don’t bash them, but I do ask them what their goals are and what they do to work towards them & each of them will tell me, “I workout everyday, I don’t understand”, it’s almost like I should applaud their efforts but why, when I know working out everyday won’t gain them the results they need if they don’t do the right kind of work to achieve it. The problem isn’t your frequency that you attend the gym, the problem is you have no plan and no genuine knowledge that will help you excel because you have made this habit into your excuse and use it to justify your reasoning for no results & if someone like myself were to give you some tips or advice or even try to offer my services, you think you are above it or question my knowledge because you have been told this one thing by someone else who has big muscles on a video and takes pre-workout and you believed it or took one thing from it and never really got the whole picture. For this, all I can say is working out 7 days a week won’t grant you result if you don’t take the right steps. Only doing half the work, will give you little to no results or keep you at a plateau if you don’t change your technique. If this is you and don’t know where to start, ask a professional (personal trainer) at your gym with credentials and have them give you some advice or take up a class and talk with an instructor or find valuable information online — to help guide you in the right direction. Regardless of your goals, everyone has a journey and your journey is important and if you want your journey to be successful, you have to be willing to challenge yourself, change routines, research information, be cautious of your eating habits, and take yourself seriously enough to want to see results and have this better self image. 

The only thing worse than a lazy person, is someone who prides themselves of being lazy” – Shay-lon (do the work, and the process will bring joy)

 

365 Day Self Discovery Challenge — Day Two

Yesterday’s question

This question is from yesterday, and I apologize ahead of time for not posting it yesterday online (I did answer it in my journal yesterday) — time got away from me and didn’t have time to log on and post it on the blog. 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Well for beginners, there is many things I don’t like about myself —- not as a form of self hatred but being observant of the flaws I hold that can and/cannot be changed. For this particular question, I answered it with honesty but in knowing that it is something that can be changed and worked on to better improve myself. Many of you may be able to relate or might have been able to at some point in your life — and hopefully no longer hold this flaw or are in the works of improving it so that it doesn’t hold you hostage. 

  • I would change the fact that I am hot tempered — quick to get enraged or frustrated. I never really accepted this trait previous to this question because I don’t like having to recognize that this could be an issue and one that forbids me of good relationships and lacks maturity. I cannot deny that there have been many times I have been quick to be offended and spoke out & ended up hurting someone’s feelings due to not thinking before I speak & simply speaking with anger rather than with a calm mind. I have been hot tempered all my life, some years have been worse than others, and now it isn’t as much of an issue until it is. I don’t necessarily find myself physically violent towards people, I just have a quick tongue that will do damage because my rage is speaking on my behalf & it has caused friendships to plummet & even my own family has had to endure it — my mom being the #1 person due to her being even more hot tempered than myself and us clashing when we argue. If you haven’t seen a fire show up close, watch us fight with words and venom and it gets heated fairly quickly. 0-100. I am not proud of my past and how I have chosen to handle most situations (although some of them gave me a reason to be angry and I don’t regret sticking up for myself when need be) — we are human, but this doesn’t excuse my behavior when I get worked up, I need to find better coping methods and better forms of handling my anger so I don’t lose out on people that mean to me. Growing up it was normally with my brother having to prove myself with him and feeling as though it never settled at just words, it would eventually lead to physical confrontations because I wasn’t thinking rationally & many times it even ended up being the same way with my mom as well, the fight, it was never worth it when finished, but in the beginning, it was like the adrenaline got the best of me every time. In relationships I have never been physically violent towards the ones I am dating or friends with, but I have yelled and got cocky, snarky, and said very demeaning things in place of it, and i can’t say it ever ended well — not necessarily in break ups but I am sure it left them in fear or feeling overwhelmed with how to handle the situation. Hell, I would always apologize afterwards during the calm down phase after ‘walking away’ or shutting down — and staying silent, that was my way of letting the person know I was finished with the discussion until I was good and ready to speak on it again. It’s not fair and I felt as though I was being abusive with my words towards them, and all they could do was just take it, take it and try to stay strong & maybe put up a argument back but end up giving up because they couldn’t get through to me because I was in the ‘red’ ; the I don’t give a fuck phase. 

I apologize for the pain that I may have caused some to feel due to my anger and lashing out without thinking things through, I have gotten better at holding my tongue and not jumping into each situation with fist pumping — way better but not yet perfect. It will take me time to completely allow myself to surrender those traits but it is something that is very important for me to do. All this being said, I still need enough fight in me for when I need to defend myself or stand up for myself or use my voice when it calls for it, because I don’t want to be weak & growing up when I didn’t stand up for myself — my mom would yell and punish me, she would be disappointed and expect me to handle things the way she had or/ would have. I wasn’t confrontational with people, I never have been, I don’t like it/ it makes me feel uncomfortable & I think many times this is why I lash out the way I do because it was instilled in me to have a backbone & that the walking away and allowing stuff to happen was the weak way of handling things. I never found the healthy balance, it was either being walked on or walking on others right back — and I acknowledge there is much better process than either one of these, sometimes a still tongue goes further than a talking mouth. Truth be told, my anger isn’t bad, my choice to allow it to control my emotions when I am feeling overwhelmed and scared of the confrontation is bad. It’s used as my armor & to prevent me from being vulnerable and walked on, but in the end it also causes me deep regret later on. Learning this, I am happy I can admit this flaw & make it a goal to improve, I am happy with how far I’ve come now with it, but I want to make it a conscious effort each time a situation arises. These days, my first line of defense is to seek out answers with a calm level headed mind & to step away when things don’t pan out the way I had planned so that I can avoid blowing up. I hope many of you with this same trait has found a way to postpone it so that you can think things through beforehand — it is worth it. 

I thank all of you for reading and choosing to be apart of my self discovery challenge. Please take the time to answer this question for yourself; either in a post or privately and come up with a solution — think about how this particular trait or attribute hinders you or how it makes other people feel. It’s never easy to speak on our flaws because people assume we are dangerous or damaged or no good, but that’s not it, people can change if they choose to and want to, they have to be willing to find a better path, to search for answers for their pain and use it to improve themselves and grow. Now all of our flaws will be able to change, but the ones that we can, that hold negativity, should be something we work towards bettering. 

Shay-lon

Building a positive social circle

I plan on getting back to the podcast soon that I created (been away from it for 3 months) and so to keep things fresh, I will probably do the Tips Tuesday — and gradually get back into things, don’t want to overwhelm myself with too much because of all the extra stuff I am now taking on. With this being said, I created this tip months ago, and I figured it is very important — something we should all aim for & that is:

 

Building a positive social circle.

 

What this means, is choosing to surround yourself with people who help to build you, motivate you, encourage you, and support you. We all have had people in our circle at one point who seemed like the debbie downer or the one that constantly complains about life and all the downs but never sees any positive things from it — but maybe some of us have been the negative one in our own circle (if this is true, change your outlook .. in order to gain the positive circle you seek). This is excluding those of us with mental illnesses that might play a part in our mindset, but even so with that illness, finding people who appreciate you and give you hope and have a concern for you and your life as much as you have for them is a start in the right direction. 

 

I am not perfect by any means, but since growing up and becoming more mature and making better adult decisions, I have gotten better at being alone until I meet people who have a good impact in my life instead of being friends and accepting everyone in my circle — I had to learn to be more picky because I get discouraged easy and I deal with my own demons and having a negative person who constantly brings me down, only creates more issues in the long term for me. Something we have to learn to do, is be picky as to who we allow in our lives and who we allow to impact our lives. Down below I list some ways to build a positive social circle:

 
 
  1. Be PICKY! Don’t allow anyone in, make sound decisions. Not everyone needs to be your friend
  2. Change your outlook/attitude about yourself – when you have a more positive outlook on yourself, people tend to gravitate towards you and in turn you make more relationships that are good relationships
  3. Respect people- Respect goes a long way in life, if you can respect others, normally it means they will have mutual respect for you
  4. Be open minded: Open minded individuals tend to see within a person vs the outer layer, they want a deeper connection with someone and in turn you truly start to build a stronger bond
  5. Compliment someone: Giving someone a reason to smile can make a difference — people will feel appreciated & it can make your day knowing you made someone else’s day. People enjoy compliments, truths about themselves that maybe they don’t see within them, but hearing it from someone else gives them a reason to continue being awesome! A simple compliment can carry a lot of weight
  6. Don’t be self absorbed: I always say there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself BUT you don’t want your circle to get tired of learning about you, when you become self absorbed everything revolves around you and that shows others that you don’t have their best interest in mind. I will just add that, being self absorbed can lead to bad relationships because everybody wants a chance to shine and when you take someone’s limelight to shine back on yourself, it comes off as arrogant. 
  7. Confidence is needed: Confidence is a necessity because people feed off someone who is confident with who they are, you need to carry yourself like you are proud of being alive, proud of who you are and proud of where you came from because it is what makes you, you! You might have a bad past but it doesn’t mean you are bad person, and you might have flaws but flaws don’t make you less of a person. 
  8. Think before you speak: We get in a habit with saying whatever is on our minds, which isn’t always bad, but it can lead to bad outcomes if we don’t think about how to go about things. If you keep other people’s feelings in mind, then you will have better outcomes, telling the truth isn’t bad but its how you say it that can make the whole difference. Take others into consideration before speaking too much of your mind. 
  9. Don’t be “two faced”: We all know what it means to be two faced “someone who smiles in your face but will talk behind your back when you leave” , yes, that’s very dishonest, rude and immature. Grow up, if you want people in your circle who are positive, don’t make it hard on yourself by giving them a reason to not trust you or like you. 
  10. Find people with similar hobbies: It can pay off when you acquaint yourself with those who share the same interest and hobbies as you, this makes life a little easier but don’t disregard those who are opposite because many times they can give us new experiences and allow us to step outside our comfort level. 
  11. Be true to SELF: Be real, be authentic, and be yourself. Changing for others will either end badly or last for a short period of time because you will run into all walks of life and having to shift who you are for each person will get tiring — change is good if it makes you into a better person and develops you mentally and physically and spiritually but when it becomes a change in order to “fit in” with people or groups of people, it drains you, overwhelms you, and reduces your chances of making deeper connections with people. Not everyone will like you, but those who do like you, will be worth it because they will see the best in you — 
 

Building a circle isn’t about being “popular” and most liked, it is about building a meaningful bond with people who take the time to build that same bond with you. Building a positive circle isn’t about having to smile and be happy everyday, it’s about building a circle that allows for bad days but doesn’t dwell on them — Shay-lon Moss 

 

A circle can be small (2-3 close friends) or a bigger circle (5-10 friends), or your family members — it doesn’t matter how big or small it is, it’s a circle that has your back no matter how deep the water gets; they motivate, support, and uplift you– they give you truths but don’t slam you with bad vibes — Shay-lon Moss

 

Have something you want to add to this list, feel free to leave in the comment section! 

November 2nd Workout: The Going can get tough

The going can get tough, but if you don’t go, then you won’t know..  – Shay

 

Workout:

Tri-set:

 
  • Seated smith machine shoulder press: 4 x 10, 75 lb
  • DB front raises: 3 x 10, 20 lb
  • DB lateral raises: 3 x 10, 30 lb

Tri-set:

  • Back extensions: 4 x 10, 45 lb plate
  • alternating renegade rows: 3 x 10, 25 lb
  • seated goodmorning: 3 x 10, 40 lb

Tri-set:

  • Low pulley row to neck: 4 x 10, 40 lb
  • One arm bentover DB row: 3 x 10, 30 lb
  • Incline straight raises: 3 x 10, 20 lb

Tri-set:

  • Face pull: 4 x 10, 80 lb
  • EZ bar bentover row: 3 x 10, 50 lb
  • band pull apart: 3 x 10, blue resistance band
 

Week Three|Day Three| 6 weeks to shreds part 1

Fitness Collaboration.

Workout Plan. 

Warm up: 2 – 3 minute skipping in place

 

  1. Bentover barbell row: 4 x 2-5. 95 lb. (1 minute skipping in place)
  2. Bentover DB Row: 3 x 2-5. 70 lb (1 minute goblet squat – 30 lb)
  3. seated cable row: 3 x 2-5. 120 lb (1 minute box jumps)
  4. Barbell shrugs: 4 x 2-5. 100 lb. (1 minute DB step up: 30 lb)
  5. Barbell curl: 3 x 2-5. 50 lb. (1 minute kettlebell swings – 8 kg)
  6. Barbell or EZ bar preacher curl: 3 x 4-5. 30 lb. (1 minute med ball slam – 10 lb)
  7. Reverse barbell curl: 3 x 4-5. 30 lb. ( 1 minute DB lunge – 20 lb)

Again this workout for today was focused on strength (so higher weights and lower reps) also, the 1 minute of cardio is between each set (no rest). I was not able to get to the battling ropes today so I missed out on one more exercise for the day but that is okay. Remember the exercise you are doing for 1 minute between sets is a low weight, do not use a high weight because the focus is being able to focus on endurance the whole time. I definitely felt some pain in my left knee during lunges and also, did a PR in bentover barbell rows and went up 10 lb 😀 also the seated cable rows I went up 20 lb 😀 

Thanks for stopping by the page, please leave comments, likes, follows, shares/reblogs and feel free to follow my social media for more videos, workouts, updates: 

Email: Shay.moss19@gmail.com

Snapchat: milkchocolatemm

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/shaylonmoss/pins/

I also have a MyFitnessPal app, so if interested, you may add me on there as well. 


Fitness WonderWoman,

Shay-lon xoo

Goals/Mindset Tag (YouTube Video)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeWwy-n0qDQ

 

Hey everyone, 

I was tagged recently in a YouTube “Goals/mindset” tag by another fellow YouTuber. 

I had seven questions to answer and then had to tag 5 other people in the YouTube community, so hopefully all of you will enjoy this video. 

If you cannot view the video and want me to send you the questions via email, or leave them in the comment section, let me know  – I don’t mind 🙂

 

Fitness WonderWoman,

Shay-lon xo