When Drama comes starts knocking, I leave the door closed

Good drama, is a poor excuse to have drama

Ya know what I have come to realize, that some people need drama to thrive on friendships, need drama to feel a purpose and rely on drama to gain some of kind insight on other people’s lives — me on the other hand, I don’t need it nor want it and I delete it as soon as it forms. 

Having been much younger once, I knew what drama could produce at an early age, and had my share of people’s bullshit and wanting to be apart of heavy gossip in hopes it would give me kudo points for being on the same side as others. Let’s face it, in grade school and some of high school, drama formed so often that when you think you dodged a bullet, it just meant another person had room to attempt the same scheme. I’d like to say with age came wisdom and learning from former mistakes and choosing to focus on more important things rather than other people’s business BUT, can’t say it meant drama would cease to appear in my life, nope, drama was still around and for good reason, because without it, meant I had little to no friends. Yet, you start to realize drama creates chaos and chaos invites itself in your life when you are most vulnerable or weak minded. In order to rid of chaos, you learn you have to make sacrifices that aren’t easy but will payoff (doesn’t seem that way at first) but in time it does payoff. 

For me, in order to live a drama free lifestyle, I had to rid the people I surrounded myself with that were bad blood and carried negative vibes — wasn’t easy until I started to see how it hindered my growth financially, mentally, educationally, and physically. Here I am YEARS later, without an ounce of drama to my name & the drama that might have tried to seep into my life, I ignored it or shut it down, & gave it no attention unless it was something that needed to be talked about in order to move on from. Otherwise, when drama comes knocking, I leave the door closed. Now drama normally is equated with gossip and I don’t particularly love hearing gossip, especially since I have learned and matured enough to make up my own opinions of other people once I get to know them vs believing everything someone else tells me (I always “consider my sources”) which means whatever someone tells me about another person, I take with a grain of salt until it has been proven / else I make my own judgement based on how the person treats me personally & if I am being honest, what someone does in their free time isn’t my business unless it effects me or somebody I care/love. Case closed.

Another form of drama is in relationships & I suppose those are much harder to shut down, because I assume we love the person we are dating & so this makes things more complicated BUT I found the best way to prevent drama from forming in your relationships is understanding the person’s character before putting yourself in a relationship with the person and really thinking about if the person is compatible with you. Good looks don’t mean the person has a solid character and just because he/she gives to charity doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t gossip.. so this is where being superficial can harm the future of your relationship. I believe it takes time & you and only you know what you need out of a person in order to have a successful relationship and so you need to make good decisions to have good outcomes. Not saying a relationship will be perfect but when the time comes and drama shows up at your front door during your relationship — the goal is for both parties to find a solution together that doesn’t burden the relationship or person/people within it. That’s the goal — easier said than done. 

Third form of drama is when you allow it to change your character in order to keep your popularity or friends. I think this is one of the worst forms because it really has a way of biting you in the ass if you don’t pay mind to it. I had to learn that popularity and having the most votes doesn’t mean anything if I have to change myself in order to be accepted among the majority. Nobody likes being an outcast/different, but sometimes being the unique one makes for a better character and a longevity of true friendships. Doesn’t mean you will win an Oscar , but it could mean you earn a good reputation. 

You learn that drama will happen, and continue to happen and that some forms of drama can be ignored and other forms need to be dealt with in order to make it disappear or prevent it from causing further chaos. I have had people say there is good drama, but good drama isn’t drama – it is reward, inspiration, blessings, and positive vibes & it doesn’t create chaos, but creates wisdom, happiness, triumphs, and builds good character. The good drama people speak of is: congrats, birthdays, holiday greetings marriage/newly weds , pregnancy, anniversaries, good health, promotions, compliments, good counsel, good deeds, and love. These are forms of drama that help uplift, motivate and give people a reason to smile — 

“Good drama doesn’t exist, it is purely a person with good intentions looking to give someone a reason to be happy” – Shay-lon Moss

 

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365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 85

11.26.18

What’s the most difficult choice you had to make?

  • For me, I believe the most difficult choice I have had to make is either having to let someone go, that I once loved — so that I could find clarity within myself or having to fight my inner thoughts on whether or not I should go out or stay in. I constantly struggle with having to let people go because it’s not always easy to do and I always struggle with deciding whether I am ready to venture the world on my own doing something I love or wait around for someone to ask me to hang out — I want to get to a point where I am 100 percent confident and okay with exploring things on my own (traveling, concerts, sporting events, festivals, etc) I have done smaller scale things on my own & have so far enjoyed it, so small steps. However, I do believe my future will hold rather difficult choices that will be much harder than either of these. 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 80

11.21.18

What is the biggest decision you’ve ever had to make?

  • I’d say I haven’t yet made a huge decision, but in the coming year, I know one of the biggest decisions I will have to make is moving to a bigger city within the state I currently reside in; that will be away from everything I know — friends, family and comfort. It will be starting over and finding my way on my own, with hopes it works out. While my heart is set on possibly moving to Columbus, OH — I have found that many other cities in Ohio and within other states would/could offer me bigger and better opportunities & I have to keep that in mind if I was to be successful and happy. 
self discovery day 80

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 47

10.19.18

What rules or standards do you live by?

  • I have a number of rules and standards that I try to live by the best way I know how. Some of which you may have heard of it and some you have not. All of these rules/standards can somewhat be summed up by my morals and belief system. While this may not be an all exclusive list, it is a decent amount. 
  1. “Treat the janitor with the same respect as you would the CEO” — this is something I was taught by my grandmother, and to be honest, I love this saying because we tend to treat people differently due to their status quo. The CEO puts his pants on the same way as either you or I. 
  2. Don’t allow someone to back you into a corner mentally, or physically & if they do, come out fighting. Basically what this means is, we can only manage to handle so much before we explode, we shouldn’t allow someone(s) to get us to the point where we just continue to take the hits they give us. If we don’t learn to stand up for ourselves than we will continue to allow someone to take advantage of us. Sometimes to come out swinging, means to STOP putting up with people’s crap. 
  3. Your body can handle the challenges that your mind thinks you can’t. The body can be pushed further than what the mind allows. Don’t allow your thinking to get the best of you. 
  4. Guilt can kill a man, therefore, make choices in which you won’t feel guilty about later & make them wisely. If you know a choice will cause you pain later, then maybe it is time to rethink your choice(s) so that you don’t have to live with this kind of guilt. Sometimes guilt plays on us without our control due to circumstances, but we have to learn to let go of it, and move on. We can’t move on properly if we live a life full of regrets. 
  5. Take risk because they can sometimes lead us to great opportunities. 
  6. Be a leader, not a boss. People don’t want to be told what to do, they want to be led by someone who will do the work with them. People don’t like being bossed around, they prefer to be asked & if you live your life trying to be a boss, you will earn less respect in the long run, but if you live your life as a leader, respect will gradually grow and with respect will come trust and a group of people who will stand alongside of you. 
  7. “Treat people the way you want to be treated”
  8. An open mind builds a bigger perspective. Living inside a closed box doesn’t allow you to see everything from different viewpoints. If you keep an open mind, you will see the world in many different perspectives and have respect for many different voices of reason. 
  9. Take accountability for your actions
  10. The type of people you surround yourself with, usually is a good indicator of the type of person you are
  11. “Close mouths don’t get fed”. If you don’t speak up, you won’t be heard
  12. Be yourself, those that like you will like you for who you are & those that don’t like you, won’t matter.

I don’t live my life to Appease you

Not anymore.

It is within our nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to “fit in” and feel like we can have a common place with someone else. We strive to be this person that people can say they like, talk highly about and want to be around on a more constant basis. It’s almost like we do things in order to prove we are worthy of these things, but what for? because popularity is a form of what we would consider “love”, and people like feeling loved — and cared for. It’s without a doubt, a great indicator of who we are and how we perceive ourselves because in the mist of wanting to be this “popular” buzz, we find out what sacrifices we had to make in order to appease the crowd & how those same sacrifices effect our character. Sometimes by being the “crowds favorite person” you find out that you had to sell your soul to the devil (metaphorically speaking) and once you decide to sell yourself short in order to gain a couple new friends, you don’t get to make another bargain. It’s a final sale & there are no refunds, you gave away yourself in order to buy a new face — you prided yourself for the amount of people who speak about you, but not everyone stays around long enough to meet the real you, when you finally have had a enough exhaustion for one day & need a break from it all, you have to remember it comes with a losing sacrifice, you lose out on the people you gained and you lost the ones who accepted you without change — but because of your greedy mind and wishful thinking, you have nobody at the end of this tunnel if you don’t stick with this mask that made you phenomenal. 

I created this writing as a piece to dedicate to myself & to those who have or once had lived to appease. They lived their lives constantly wanting someone to notice them, wanting to be their friend, wanting to be apart of something grand because for so long they weren’t happy with what they had, even if what they had was pure. Sometimes we want to strive for bigger & better but not always is this the best path, it can come with consequences if you don’t read the small bold print at the bottom of the contract and has its been known to change a person’s character and scar them. For we don’t get to choose who we meet, but if who we meet changes who we are for the worst, than maybe we need to reconsider how we go about letting people in. To appease someone else by changing yourself is like living a life with half truths. Not everyone was meant to like you, the true you, some will deem it “not good enough” ; but what isn’t good enough for them was good enough for those who stayed by your side no matter your flaws. If ONLY one person deemed you “good enough” , that one person is worthy of your love because that one person didn’t ask you to conform but instead asked you to be yourself in exchange for their true selves. We don’t have to unmask ourselves to see the face, we only have to question if who we really are, is the mask we put on everyday. Don’t live to appease, live to be loved and to be cared for 100 percent, live to be you, live to be true and never live to fit in because tears will flood the eyes who have reached their own demise. 

Shay-lon

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think in the comment section & if you are a fan of these spoken verses, please feel free to share with your peers, like this page and follow my blog. 

Why I don’t believe calling my eating mistakes “cheat meals”

I am a little hard on myself. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQKUwDeVgnE&lc=z12re1or0mz0hrmhl04cgpzhzxnlvvsw1gc