365 Day Self Discovery Challenge: Day One.

What are three things you like most about yourself?

Like most people, this was somewhat difficult; and not because I don’t like anything about myself, but because I didn’t know what I liked “most” about myself. It was almost like having to play the elimination game as to what was most important to me. I figured at somewhat this would be a question, I didn’t expect it to be the first question during the challenge. Many times people ask this question when they are trying to make you realize your worth, or have you analyze what traits you have that are good, that are good enough & that one should be proud of. It shouldn’t be a difficult question, assuming you are decent human being who has friends and family that love you. if that’s the case, it should be more of why? why do people flock to you, or like you? but deeper than that, does their reason for liking you match your own reason for liking yourself? If your friends tell you that like you because you are helpful, do you believe you are helpful? do you believe you hold that trait or do you believe it is only based on the fact you allow people to take advantage of you? Sometimes the traits others like about us, aren’t traits we necessarily agree with ourselves — it’s possible that the traits me hold that we enjoy are the ones that many people don’t see or happen to not take interest in, or perhaps are traits you hide in order to protect yourself. Regardless, I think this was a perfect first question, because I know this is an important question if I want to get to know myself on a deeper level. 

The first answer I had to this question is:

  1. The fact I can make anybody laugh without trying. It explains itself, but I have always had this inner self that enjoyed making others laugh. I was the class-clown throughout elementary, middle and high school — it was just who I was; silly, comical, sarcastic and very witty when it came to putting a smile on someone’s face (even if it meant I was embarrassing myself in order to do so) but now when I read this, I think of the many times, I was making people laugh on my own expense & it didn’t feel as good afterwards — It was like I was walking joke; how can someone take anyone seriously if all that do is crack jokes and act childishly? They can’t & I think that’s the con to this trait. Its being able to make someone laugh but not realizing that in the long run, laughing was also my way of hiding behind a mask to cover up my insecurities. If I wanted to feel comfortable in a setting, or wanted to fit in with people, it was my way of auditioning for the cool kid table, my way of proving my own worth to others. Basically sums up why, I still use laughing gigs in order to make me feel comfortable or at ease. My random thoughts, jokes, and bouts of sarcasm are hiding my social anxiety. It’s a wonder that when I tell people I have social anxiety, they always reply with “I wouldn’t have guessed”. While I love making people laugh, I also want people to take me seriously & I don’t want to continue to use it as a shield for my social anxiety, I want to utilize it as a trait that makes other people comfortable around me and not make me stand out as the standing joke. 
  2. That I am a good goal setter, and ambitious.  This trait alone is rarity these days because people become complacent when they are comfortable, but I always aim for much more than that for myself, because I see how far others have come to meet their goals & I decide that anything is possible after that, even if it means I have to put in more work. My ambition gives me drive and allows me to set goals, but when my ambition runs low, so does my motivation to set goals and achieve them. I have worked aimlessly to meet deadlines, to achieve great things within my life but the problem is when you are as ambitious as myself, you never see it as an accomplishment, only another step in the right direction. You wear yourself thin to the point where you either shut down, or give up, or become stressed out to the point of rage & it does you know good, but you feel as though you are always behind when really you made progress. I don’t know what progress is when I am embarking on a new goal or taking another leap forward, it never feels like an achievement in my eyes, it’s almost like I am moving in slow motion; light years away from the finish line. I love my ambitious personality and the fact I see better for myself, but it hinders me from seeing the overall scope of things, it brings the worst out of me when I don’t feel like I am being productive in my life, when I feel like I could be so much further but I am not, it hinders my mentality and gives me stress, overwhelms me and brings me down in a slump at the sight of how much more pavement I have left. It’s a curse and blessing.
  3. My ability to motivate myself. I don’t rely on the support of others to get me through the day, to have me start my daily routine, to give me the energy after work to attend the gym for a workout, to wake up out of bed after a break up.  I don’t like relying on other people for motivation because I have seen where people have let people down & the end result never ends well. I don’t need a cheerleader in order to hit a PR or a friend to attend the gym with me in order for me to feel obligated to go, I use my own intrinsic motivation to get me by because at the end of the day, that’s what works best. The problem with relying on yourself is the fact we are human and have bad days & when they happen, it’s hard to talk yourself out of the bad day.. so that’s when a friend/peer/family member would be a good asset. There have been days that I had wished I gotten a text or phone call or note telling me that I am doing awesome & to keep it up but because I don’t get that kind of support from anyone, I have to focus in on myself and use what’s most important to me to help me pick myself back up again if need be. It isn’t easy relying on your own motivation; but it makes you stronger and gives you a sense of independence. 

I want all of you to give this challenge a try and make a blog post — asking yourself this same question and answering it. I want you to tag me and or send me the blog post when finished so that I can read it & be apart of your personal self discovery. I think self discovery can be done in many different forms and takes time, & so, if you need a reason to do it, do it because you want to continue to grow and want to learn more about yourself. In fact I am doing both, keeping a private journal handwritten and sharing this journey with all of you on my blog. I hope if anything else, you can share your journey with me and feel open to talk to me about many depths of who you are. Thank you for reading & see you tomorrow for day 2. 

Shay-lon 

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BeGreatGuys Post #4 — Being Average is Okay

Nowadays, people are striving to be the “best”, the best at sports, work, parenting, school, etc. It seems people steer themselves in the direction of competition in order to come out first, to be granted a reward, to be applauded, and to be remembered as someone with importance. In my opinion, the best thing to do is “be your best self” and that doesn’t mean winning at every sport or getting straight A’s in school; it means living life trying to have a good character, to stand up for what’s right when necessary, following your values/morals that correlate with who you are & choosing to surround yourself with like-minded individuals who don’t want to see you mentally exhausting yourself to be first place ALL THE TIME , but will also be there when you lose. 

 

Being average, doesn’t have to mean being complacent, or going through life with no aspirations — all that average means, is being okay with not being perfect in every aspect of your life and being okay with making mistakes, with losing a game, with getting a C on a test and studying hard next time to strive for that B+ & not weighing yourself down with comparisons to others, and obsessions of winning or being known by many. If all that attended your funeral were your family members and 3 close friends, would you be okay with that? or would you be the one to say, “nobody cares about me, only this many people attended” .. does the number that attends your funeral make a difference in how you feel about yourself? because if you think that having 100 people at your funeral is any better, try having 100 people at your funeral but only 5 of them actually care and have something they can share; memories, pictures, stories, and friendships — all the while the other 95 people attended just because they felt bad and didn’t want to be mean by not attending and didn’t even know who you really were (they liked you because you always won first place) but the second you lose first place, you lose those 95 people who you thought cared. 

 

Yes, strive for success and be great at things, excel in school and work. Compete in sports, be nominated for a prize for your efforts and continue to dream big — but don’t forget that being average doesn’t mean you suck, or that you can’t win, or that you are 2nd place loser. Being average is okay, because being average awards you the same gratification; you made progress, you did better and you might not have won every race or scored more points than your opponent but you tried and trying is way better than wishing you had. Being average doesn’t make you weak, fat or ugly, it means you are perfectly okay with being who you are because you love yourself and don’t need the audience to validate your worth; you don’t need a trophy, a fan club, a billboard in order to know you have a good character, you have flaws but don’t use them to weigh you down and that you put your effort into something you love- win or lose. You don’t need to know you are the best, to feel your best. 

 

I would know what being average is, because I am average and I love it all the same. 

 

“The best part about not winning all the time, is being able to lose and still walk away with a win; you kept the same attitude as you would have winning” -Shay-lon 

 
 

Building a positive social circle

I plan on getting back to the podcast soon that I created (been away from it for 3 months) and so to keep things fresh, I will probably do the Tips Tuesday — and gradually get back into things, don’t want to overwhelm myself with too much because of all the extra stuff I am now taking on. With this being said, I created this tip months ago, and I figured it is very important — something we should all aim for & that is:

 

Building a positive social circle.

 

What this means, is choosing to surround yourself with people who help to build you, motivate you, encourage you, and support you. We all have had people in our circle at one point who seemed like the debbie downer or the one that constantly complains about life and all the downs but never sees any positive things from it — but maybe some of us have been the negative one in our own circle (if this is true, change your outlook .. in order to gain the positive circle you seek). This is excluding those of us with mental illnesses that might play a part in our mindset, but even so with that illness, finding people who appreciate you and give you hope and have a concern for you and your life as much as you have for them is a start in the right direction. 

 

I am not perfect by any means, but since growing up and becoming more mature and making better adult decisions, I have gotten better at being alone until I meet people who have a good impact in my life instead of being friends and accepting everyone in my circle — I had to learn to be more picky because I get discouraged easy and I deal with my own demons and having a negative person who constantly brings me down, only creates more issues in the long term for me. Something we have to learn to do, is be picky as to who we allow in our lives and who we allow to impact our lives. Down below I list some ways to build a positive social circle:

 
 
  1. Be PICKY! Don’t allow anyone in, make sound decisions. Not everyone needs to be your friend
  2. Change your outlook/attitude about yourself – when you have a more positive outlook on yourself, people tend to gravitate towards you and in turn you make more relationships that are good relationships
  3. Respect people- Respect goes a long way in life, if you can respect others, normally it means they will have mutual respect for you
  4. Be open minded: Open minded individuals tend to see within a person vs the outer layer, they want a deeper connection with someone and in turn you truly start to build a stronger bond
  5. Compliment someone: Giving someone a reason to smile can make a difference — people will feel appreciated & it can make your day knowing you made someone else’s day. People enjoy compliments, truths about themselves that maybe they don’t see within them, but hearing it from someone else gives them a reason to continue being awesome! A simple compliment can carry a lot of weight
  6. Don’t be self absorbed: I always say there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself BUT you don’t want your circle to get tired of learning about you, when you become self absorbed everything revolves around you and that shows others that you don’t have their best interest in mind. I will just add that, being self absorbed can lead to bad relationships because everybody wants a chance to shine and when you take someone’s limelight to shine back on yourself, it comes off as arrogant. 
  7. Confidence is needed: Confidence is a necessity because people feed off someone who is confident with who they are, you need to carry yourself like you are proud of being alive, proud of who you are and proud of where you came from because it is what makes you, you! You might have a bad past but it doesn’t mean you are bad person, and you might have flaws but flaws don’t make you less of a person. 
  8. Think before you speak: We get in a habit with saying whatever is on our minds, which isn’t always bad, but it can lead to bad outcomes if we don’t think about how to go about things. If you keep other people’s feelings in mind, then you will have better outcomes, telling the truth isn’t bad but its how you say it that can make the whole difference. Take others into consideration before speaking too much of your mind. 
  9. Don’t be “two faced”: We all know what it means to be two faced “someone who smiles in your face but will talk behind your back when you leave” , yes, that’s very dishonest, rude and immature. Grow up, if you want people in your circle who are positive, don’t make it hard on yourself by giving them a reason to not trust you or like you. 
  10. Find people with similar hobbies: It can pay off when you acquaint yourself with those who share the same interest and hobbies as you, this makes life a little easier but don’t disregard those who are opposite because many times they can give us new experiences and allow us to step outside our comfort level. 
  11. Be true to SELF: Be real, be authentic, and be yourself. Changing for others will either end badly or last for a short period of time because you will run into all walks of life and having to shift who you are for each person will get tiring — change is good if it makes you into a better person and develops you mentally and physically and spiritually but when it becomes a change in order to “fit in” with people or groups of people, it drains you, overwhelms you, and reduces your chances of making deeper connections with people. Not everyone will like you, but those who do like you, will be worth it because they will see the best in you — 
 

Building a circle isn’t about being “popular” and most liked, it is about building a meaningful bond with people who take the time to build that same bond with you. Building a positive circle isn’t about having to smile and be happy everyday, it’s about building a circle that allows for bad days but doesn’t dwell on them — Shay-lon Moss 

 

A circle can be small (2-3 close friends) or a bigger circle (5-10 friends), or your family members — it doesn’t matter how big or small it is, it’s a circle that has your back no matter how deep the water gets; they motivate, support, and uplift you– they give you truths but don’t slam you with bad vibes — Shay-lon Moss

 

Have something you want to add to this list, feel free to leave in the comment section! 

Podcast: Fitness Inspiration/Motivation #2

“Expect to Lose”

https://soundcloud.com/shay-lonfitnesswonderwoman-moss-fitness-wonderwoman/fitness-motivation-inspiration

 

How To Handle Your Gym-Intimidation

The Gym Can be scary for anyone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3y73bl-Q2OQ

This was my video on gym-intimidation, make sure to read the description box under the video as well. Thank you 🙂

I Am Only Human

Bound By Flaws.

For a first time in a long time.. 

 

It had occur to me that people see me as this “super human” amazing women who lifts heavy and walks with confidence and seemingly has her life together & everything she does just seems to be #goals (my blog, my workout, my future career, my online presence, physique, etc) & this scares me a little bit, actually a lot of bit. I mean granted I am thankful that I have inspired people, built relationships and rapport with people who now trust me enough to come to me with questions about fitness/health, have had a blog that went from 0 to hero in matter of months and that I tend to make people smile with my random comedic personality BUT what scares me is that people seem to think because of all this I did do, that they think they can’t do it. Like it took some magical pixie dust and oops the store ran out of it, so looks like no one else is capable of doing AMAZING things with their own life. 

 

I hate to give it to you like this.. BUT.. I am only human. That’s right, I came out the vagina the same way you did and I ended up on planet earth just like you. my baby self didn’t have a 6 pack and big arms, I surely wasn’t tying blogs at the age of 2 and I couldn’t have been that famous because I am still broke & I am willing to bet .. no one really even knows me besides family and friends and the people who know of me online. I could lie and say I am a HUGE deal but lets get real, I am not. Do I want to be? YES! because I have a lot to offer in my field and I know I am capable of GREAT things! I believe this. I know how hard I have to work in order to keep my physique in top notch if I want the “deals” and exposure, I know what it takes to keep my blog running smoothly so that all of you keep coming back to pester me about how much you love my stuff (lol)  & I know how much constant research, learning and events it will take for me to build more knowledge so I know what I am talking about and can teach others and spread my knowledge to others who listen to me. My life is not all daisies and wildflowers with tons of sunshine – I have cloudy days. I have periods and bloating that makes me look “gross” , I have struggled with body shaming, I have had the ups and downs of having a nice physique, I have failed in sporting events, I have struggled with my own self confidence and who I am, I have struggled financially, I have lost out on many opportunities (not being good enough), I have days where my abs are no longer there and my arms look like twigs and I am crying trying to pick myself back up. I have had many days where my post suck and I felt like walking away, and for goodness sake .. I know what it is like to have flaws. 

 

The problem is, maybe not all my flaws are seen with the human eye, maybe some of them are seen and you can pinpoint them in less than 5 seconds, but it doesn’t matter because I am no better than anyone else. Being in the fitness field can put a lot of pressure on you to be something like someone else in order to gain a huge following, more “friends”, more money and more fame. I don’t mind the pressure much anymore because I had to stop trying to be like her or him and had to try better at doing what I do best: being me, with flaws and all. I can’t always show my flaws because, hey it is a business, and I have to put on a good face and a good show if I want to keep everyone else around me happy, but when I do, it hits hard — because that is the one time I can let go and just allow myself to cry or get angry. Becoming a trainer isn’t easy either, hell .. you are responsible for someone outside of yourself and being an athlete, well hell you are responsible with being “good” and if not good, then you better be able to handle the harsh criticisms because the world is ready to chew you whole and spit you out. Truth is, during this whole time of learning about myself and wanting to go the distance in everything I do, I have learned I am as strong as I allow but I can’t handle every hurdle and I can’t handle every ball thrown at me.. because like everyone else, I am human and I am going to have days where I fall and getting back up will seem impossible. 

 

Hopefully this post gave people some perspective and understanding. Feel free to leave comments, likes, share it on social media or follow me 🙂 Thank you.

 

Your Fitness Blogger,

 

Shay-lon xxooo