BeGreatGuys Post #4 — Being Average is Okay

Nowadays, people are striving to be the “best”, the best at sports, work, parenting, school, etc. It seems people steer themselves in the direction of competition in order to come out first, to be granted a reward, to be applauded, and to be remembered as someone with importance. In my opinion, the best thing to do is “be your best self” and that doesn’t mean winning at every sport or getting straight A’s in school; it means living life trying to have a good character, to stand up for what’s right when necessary, following your values/morals that correlate with who you are & choosing to surround yourself with like-minded individuals who don’t want to see you mentally exhausting yourself to be first place ALL THE TIME , but will also be there when you lose. 

 

Being average, doesn’t have to mean being complacent, or going through life with no aspirations — all that average means, is being okay with not being perfect in every aspect of your life and being okay with making mistakes, with losing a game, with getting a C on a test and studying hard next time to strive for that B+ & not weighing yourself down with comparisons to others, and obsessions of winning or being known by many. If all that attended your funeral were your family members and 3 close friends, would you be okay with that? or would you be the one to say, “nobody cares about me, only this many people attended” .. does the number that attends your funeral make a difference in how you feel about yourself? because if you think that having 100 people at your funeral is any better, try having 100 people at your funeral but only 5 of them actually care and have something they can share; memories, pictures, stories, and friendships — all the while the other 95 people attended just because they felt bad and didn’t want to be mean by not attending and didn’t even know who you really were (they liked you because you always won first place) but the second you lose first place, you lose those 95 people who you thought cared. 

 

Yes, strive for success and be great at things, excel in school and work. Compete in sports, be nominated for a prize for your efforts and continue to dream big — but don’t forget that being average doesn’t mean you suck, or that you can’t win, or that you are 2nd place loser. Being average is okay, because being average awards you the same gratification; you made progress, you did better and you might not have won every race or scored more points than your opponent but you tried and trying is way better than wishing you had. Being average doesn’t make you weak, fat or ugly, it means you are perfectly okay with being who you are because you love yourself and don’t need the audience to validate your worth; you don’t need a trophy, a fan club, a billboard in order to know you have a good character, you have flaws but don’t use them to weigh you down and that you put your effort into something you love- win or lose. You don’t need to know you are the best, to feel your best. 

 

I would know what being average is, because I am average and I love it all the same. 

 

“The best part about not winning all the time, is being able to lose and still walk away with a win; you kept the same attitude as you would have winning” -Shay-lon 

 
 
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Building a positive social circle

I plan on getting back to the podcast soon that I created (been away from it for 3 months) and so to keep things fresh, I will probably do the Tips Tuesday — and gradually get back into things, don’t want to overwhelm myself with too much because of all the extra stuff I am now taking on. With this being said, I created this tip months ago, and I figured it is very important — something we should all aim for & that is:

 

Building a positive social circle.

 

What this means, is choosing to surround yourself with people who help to build you, motivate you, encourage you, and support you. We all have had people in our circle at one point who seemed like the debbie downer or the one that constantly complains about life and all the downs but never sees any positive things from it — but maybe some of us have been the negative one in our own circle (if this is true, change your outlook .. in order to gain the positive circle you seek). This is excluding those of us with mental illnesses that might play a part in our mindset, but even so with that illness, finding people who appreciate you and give you hope and have a concern for you and your life as much as you have for them is a start in the right direction. 

 

I am not perfect by any means, but since growing up and becoming more mature and making better adult decisions, I have gotten better at being alone until I meet people who have a good impact in my life instead of being friends and accepting everyone in my circle — I had to learn to be more picky because I get discouraged easy and I deal with my own demons and having a negative person who constantly brings me down, only creates more issues in the long term for me. Something we have to learn to do, is be picky as to who we allow in our lives and who we allow to impact our lives. Down below I list some ways to build a positive social circle:

 
 
  1. Be PICKY! Don’t allow anyone in, make sound decisions. Not everyone needs to be your friend
  2. Change your outlook/attitude about yourself – when you have a more positive outlook on yourself, people tend to gravitate towards you and in turn you make more relationships that are good relationships
  3. Respect people- Respect goes a long way in life, if you can respect others, normally it means they will have mutual respect for you
  4. Be open minded: Open minded individuals tend to see within a person vs the outer layer, they want a deeper connection with someone and in turn you truly start to build a stronger bond
  5. Compliment someone: Giving someone a reason to smile can make a difference — people will feel appreciated & it can make your day knowing you made someone else’s day. People enjoy compliments, truths about themselves that maybe they don’t see within them, but hearing it from someone else gives them a reason to continue being awesome! A simple compliment can carry a lot of weight
  6. Don’t be self absorbed: I always say there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself BUT you don’t want your circle to get tired of learning about you, when you become self absorbed everything revolves around you and that shows others that you don’t have their best interest in mind. I will just add that, being self absorbed can lead to bad relationships because everybody wants a chance to shine and when you take someone’s limelight to shine back on yourself, it comes off as arrogant. 
  7. Confidence is needed: Confidence is a necessity because people feed off someone who is confident with who they are, you need to carry yourself like you are proud of being alive, proud of who you are and proud of where you came from because it is what makes you, you! You might have a bad past but it doesn’t mean you are bad person, and you might have flaws but flaws don’t make you less of a person. 
  8. Think before you speak: We get in a habit with saying whatever is on our minds, which isn’t always bad, but it can lead to bad outcomes if we don’t think about how to go about things. If you keep other people’s feelings in mind, then you will have better outcomes, telling the truth isn’t bad but its how you say it that can make the whole difference. Take others into consideration before speaking too much of your mind. 
  9. Don’t be “two faced”: We all know what it means to be two faced “someone who smiles in your face but will talk behind your back when you leave” , yes, that’s very dishonest, rude and immature. Grow up, if you want people in your circle who are positive, don’t make it hard on yourself by giving them a reason to not trust you or like you. 
  10. Find people with similar hobbies: It can pay off when you acquaint yourself with those who share the same interest and hobbies as you, this makes life a little easier but don’t disregard those who are opposite because many times they can give us new experiences and allow us to step outside our comfort level. 
  11. Be true to SELF: Be real, be authentic, and be yourself. Changing for others will either end badly or last for a short period of time because you will run into all walks of life and having to shift who you are for each person will get tiring — change is good if it makes you into a better person and develops you mentally and physically and spiritually but when it becomes a change in order to “fit in” with people or groups of people, it drains you, overwhelms you, and reduces your chances of making deeper connections with people. Not everyone will like you, but those who do like you, will be worth it because they will see the best in you — 
 

Building a circle isn’t about being “popular” and most liked, it is about building a meaningful bond with people who take the time to build that same bond with you. Building a positive circle isn’t about having to smile and be happy everyday, it’s about building a circle that allows for bad days but doesn’t dwell on them — Shay-lon Moss 

 

A circle can be small (2-3 close friends) or a bigger circle (5-10 friends), or your family members — it doesn’t matter how big or small it is, it’s a circle that has your back no matter how deep the water gets; they motivate, support, and uplift you– they give you truths but don’t slam you with bad vibes — Shay-lon Moss

 

Have something you want to add to this list, feel free to leave in the comment section! 

Podcast: Fitness Inspiration/Motivation #2

“Expect to Lose”

https://soundcloud.com/shay-lonfitnesswonderwoman-moss-fitness-wonderwoman/fitness-motivation-inspiration

 

How To Handle Your Gym-Intimidation

The Gym Can be scary for anyone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3y73bl-Q2OQ

This was my video on gym-intimidation, make sure to read the description box under the video as well. Thank you 🙂

I Am Only Human

Bound By Flaws.

For a first time in a long time.. 

 

It had occur to me that people see me as this “super human” amazing women who lifts heavy and walks with confidence and seemingly has her life together & everything she does just seems to be #goals (my blog, my workout, my future career, my online presence, physique, etc) & this scares me a little bit, actually a lot of bit. I mean granted I am thankful that I have inspired people, built relationships and rapport with people who now trust me enough to come to me with questions about fitness/health, have had a blog that went from 0 to hero in matter of months and that I tend to make people smile with my random comedic personality BUT what scares me is that people seem to think because of all this I did do, that they think they can’t do it. Like it took some magical pixie dust and oops the store ran out of it, so looks like no one else is capable of doing AMAZING things with their own life. 

 

I hate to give it to you like this.. BUT.. I am only human. That’s right, I came out the vagina the same way you did and I ended up on planet earth just like you. my baby self didn’t have a 6 pack and big arms, I surely wasn’t tying blogs at the age of 2 and I couldn’t have been that famous because I am still broke & I am willing to bet .. no one really even knows me besides family and friends and the people who know of me online. I could lie and say I am a HUGE deal but lets get real, I am not. Do I want to be? YES! because I have a lot to offer in my field and I know I am capable of GREAT things! I believe this. I know how hard I have to work in order to keep my physique in top notch if I want the “deals” and exposure, I know what it takes to keep my blog running smoothly so that all of you keep coming back to pester me about how much you love my stuff (lol)  & I know how much constant research, learning and events it will take for me to build more knowledge so I know what I am talking about and can teach others and spread my knowledge to others who listen to me. My life is not all daisies and wildflowers with tons of sunshine – I have cloudy days. I have periods and bloating that makes me look “gross” , I have struggled with body shaming, I have had the ups and downs of having a nice physique, I have failed in sporting events, I have struggled with my own self confidence and who I am, I have struggled financially, I have lost out on many opportunities (not being good enough), I have days where my abs are no longer there and my arms look like twigs and I am crying trying to pick myself back up. I have had many days where my post suck and I felt like walking away, and for goodness sake .. I know what it is like to have flaws. 

 

The problem is, maybe not all my flaws are seen with the human eye, maybe some of them are seen and you can pinpoint them in less than 5 seconds, but it doesn’t matter because I am no better than anyone else. Being in the fitness field can put a lot of pressure on you to be something like someone else in order to gain a huge following, more “friends”, more money and more fame. I don’t mind the pressure much anymore because I had to stop trying to be like her or him and had to try better at doing what I do best: being me, with flaws and all. I can’t always show my flaws because, hey it is a business, and I have to put on a good face and a good show if I want to keep everyone else around me happy, but when I do, it hits hard — because that is the one time I can let go and just allow myself to cry or get angry. Becoming a trainer isn’t easy either, hell .. you are responsible for someone outside of yourself and being an athlete, well hell you are responsible with being “good” and if not good, then you better be able to handle the harsh criticisms because the world is ready to chew you whole and spit you out. Truth is, during this whole time of learning about myself and wanting to go the distance in everything I do, I have learned I am as strong as I allow but I can’t handle every hurdle and I can’t handle every ball thrown at me.. because like everyone else, I am human and I am going to have days where I fall and getting back up will seem impossible. 

 

Hopefully this post gave people some perspective and understanding. Feel free to leave comments, likes, share it on social media or follow me 🙂 Thank you.

 

Your Fitness Blogger,

 

Shay-lon xxooo

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The Gym Goers Job

obligation

In a world full of body savvy, nutritional professionals, where I am only less than the 1 percent who actually cares about the well-being of others not just how their ass looks in jeans or the shirtless pictures they post on social media. Although, we all look, guilty as charged. I found out recently after reading a Facebook post from a group member of a fitness group I have joined (I joined many to share my blog post and Youtube videos) that is our obligation to look a certain way so that others will want to look as we do. I laughed loudly, very loudly to myself because I wanted to know how such a person even came up with that conclusion, as if I am some model citizen that people should praise and look up to in such a way where they feel the need to compare themselves to myself and others in our profession. Forgive me if this next sentence makes me sound like a whining bitch, but “who in the hell said I wanted others to look like me”, why is this a hard concept to grasp when I make mention that isn’t my goal. I don’t ever feel the need to strike an argument with a fellow personal trainer, because I know we all have our own ideas and ways of doing things but when a personal trainer makes such a statement that involves how we should look in order to make others “want our bodies”, “praise our hard work”, and “give us a round of applause for being attractive”, I find that kinda absurd, maybe because over the course of the years my body hasn’t made head line news and I don’t feel like it is any better than the next females, sure it looks nice but improvement is always needed no matter how “flawless” it may look to others, I find it needs improvement because I am not perfect and this whole I should feel obligated to make sure it is this perfect canvas is bullshit. I have my days where I am drowning in sloppy joe sauce and stuffing my face with french fries, and so if I choose to do that and get a small pouch on my tummy from eating such amazing food, that is my business, doesn’t mean I am any less a personal trainer than the next person in line who treats themselves to a salad on the weekends with a decent amount of croutons. 

 

For one, I take care of my body to my liking, not someone else’s, I stopped wanting to be a show doll years ago when I realized people won’t be satisfied no matter which direction I take. Looking at me you would assume I eat veggies all week and stay away from any kind of fast food, or dining out but hanging with me, I am smashing my face with gourmet burgers and waiting for the next margerita to be served. Seriously, and I still manage a healthy weight, confidence, and muscle definition that goes beyond my expectations most days and I get complimented on my physique more often than not most days, not to mention if you have seen my recent pictures on Facebook of me at the gym, then you would know I know what I am doing when it comes to taking care of myself and it is not to appeal to my others and/or society but to appeal to myself. It is a bonus to appeal to others, because it makes us feel good, but on the other hand, I am not perfect, I bloat when PMSing, I gain weight, I lose muscle, my abs look like shit some days, my hair is never on point, my thighs jiggle to the beat of the music sometimes and I have stretch marks that I have had since being kid that switch between being noticeable and unnoticeable. Shit, I would hate for someone to be like me, and did I mention I don’t wear make up so you can see my pimples when they stop by to visit. Here it is folks, the truth. I think this whole I need to look a certain way in order to get clients may be true, of course, I have to workout, stay in shape and be healthy and not to mention have some confidence and pride in myself. I do. I have a lovely personality and I lift heavy weight, I can run sprints like a champ, and I maintain a healthy balance of food in my fridge, I have self control when I eat, I am knowledgeable in my profession, I have my degree,  I work hard and I carry myself with dignity whenever I have the chance, I failed to mention I have determination,I am disciplined and I strive to be great in everything I do. Always have. 

 

So here we are discussing why I need to look a certain way in order to get clients, I don’t have to look like the chick on muscle and fitness magazine, I am okay with being myself and representing who I am to people in order to get clients and build my rapport. I feel as though no one would hardly know my lifestyle choices unless I told them, and I do eat healthy foods, drink water and stay active, I love having a fit body and looking good in pictures, but deep down, I am not a show doll, I want to be treated like I would treat my clients, “normal”. I don’t need praise, I don’t need another personal trainers approval and I sure the hell don’t have to put up a front like I am some hot shot in order to have clients and gain exposure. My only job at the gym is to work on me and improving my weaknesses, my only obligation is to help other people feel good about themselves, improve their health and well being and bring awareness to people all over in how important fitness/health is. Yes, I will need to look the part for people to believe I am good at what I do, but hopefully once they step into my world and train with me, they won’t need to feel the need to base my quality from how I look but from how they look instead. 

 

Your Fitness blogger,

 

Shay-lon xoxo