365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

1.07.19

Day 8

What makes you angry? How do you deal with the anger?

  • I would be ranting if I had a list of everything that made me angry, as a matter of fact, I don’t think I could list everything because sometimes I find something new grinds my gears that I haven’t experienced before — and other times, it isn’t that I am angry, it might be just that I am frustrated and coming off angry about a situation. Either way, you got lucky because I was able to come up with a ranting list of things that anger me:
  1. Losing — I hate losing because I am competitive by nature. I never have fun losing, but I have learned to play sports, games, activities for fun because people don’t enjoy being around “sore losers”
  2. Failing – Failing at something or not being good at something; especially when I see someone else is good at it because it makes me feel “lame” not living up to those same standards & brings out my competitive nature. I tend to look at failing with perspective, and I either practice & try again or I admit to myself that I am not good at whatever it may be and move on or play for fun. 
  3. Bullying
  4. people whom seem to complain when they have it easier in life compared to others around them
  5. When people talk to me condescendingly 
  6. Shopping at Walmart
  7. Person taking advantage of someone because of their vulnerabilities
  8. Liars 
  9. 2 face individuals 
  10. Our governments choices sometimes
  11. Hate crimes
  12. bad drivers who do not care about the lives they are endangering
  13. Lack of justice for victims of any type of abuse or having to deal with unsolved homicides
What is it that makes you angry? 
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365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 98

12.09.18

Do you ever break the rules?

  • I am not the type of person who will go out of my way to break rules, and I always usually try my best to follow them due to being overly cautious. Although, yes, I have broken rules, and suffered consequences for doing so & sometimes I have been able to get away with action without having someone find out — but it left guilt on my heart & that can be worse off than the consequences. I prefer to not have to break the rules,however I do believe “some rules are meant to be broken” — especially if the rule(s) don’t align with your values/beliefs, or change your character negatively. Sometimes we have to go against our belief system and sway from our values but many times those set the standards for what we believe in and how we go about doing things in our lives. For example, our moral belief might be to not kill someone but when defending ourselves, it could mean life or death & sometimes killing the other person is the only option if we want to survive. 

I don’t live my life to Appease you

Not anymore.

It is within our nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to “fit in” and feel like we can have a common place with someone else. We strive to be this person that people can say they like, talk highly about and want to be around on a more constant basis. It’s almost like we do things in order to prove we are worthy of these things, but what for? because popularity is a form of what we would consider “love”, and people like feeling loved — and cared for. It’s without a doubt, a great indicator of who we are and how we perceive ourselves because in the mist of wanting to be this “popular” buzz, we find out what sacrifices we had to make in order to appease the crowd & how those same sacrifices effect our character. Sometimes by being the “crowds favorite person” you find out that you had to sell your soul to the devil (metaphorically speaking) and once you decide to sell yourself short in order to gain a couple new friends, you don’t get to make another bargain. It’s a final sale & there are no refunds, you gave away yourself in order to buy a new face — you prided yourself for the amount of people who speak about you, but not everyone stays around long enough to meet the real you, when you finally have had a enough exhaustion for one day & need a break from it all, you have to remember it comes with a losing sacrifice, you lose out on the people you gained and you lost the ones who accepted you without change — but because of your greedy mind and wishful thinking, you have nobody at the end of this tunnel if you don’t stick with this mask that made you phenomenal. 

I created this writing as a piece to dedicate to myself & to those who have or once had lived to appease. They lived their lives constantly wanting someone to notice them, wanting to be their friend, wanting to be apart of something grand because for so long they weren’t happy with what they had, even if what they had was pure. Sometimes we want to strive for bigger & better but not always is this the best path, it can come with consequences if you don’t read the small bold print at the bottom of the contract and has its been known to change a person’s character and scar them. For we don’t get to choose who we meet, but if who we meet changes who we are for the worst, than maybe we need to reconsider how we go about letting people in. To appease someone else by changing yourself is like living a life with half truths. Not everyone was meant to like you, the true you, some will deem it “not good enough” ; but what isn’t good enough for them was good enough for those who stayed by your side no matter your flaws. If ONLY one person deemed you “good enough” , that one person is worthy of your love because that one person didn’t ask you to conform but instead asked you to be yourself in exchange for their true selves. We don’t have to unmask ourselves to see the face, we only have to question if who we really are, is the mask we put on everyday. Don’t live to appease, live to be loved and to be cared for 100 percent, live to be you, live to be true and never live to fit in because tears will flood the eyes who have reached their own demise. 

Shay-lon

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