365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Relationships

8.08.19

Day 79

Have you ever lied or cheated in a relationship? Did you come clean? Do you regret it now?

  • I have never lied nor cheated while being in a relationship. 
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365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Relationships

8.07.19

Day 78

Can you communicate well in a relationship? Do you talk our your problems?

  • In the past, no. Fast forward to now, if I was in a relationship, I would do a better job of communicating my thoughts and feelings to my partner & as far a “talking out my problems” in a relationship, I have a hard time with. In the past whenever an issue arose, I would either shut down and kind of walk away or stay silent, or I would be super anxious and jump to the worst case scenario. Instead of talking about problems within the relationship, etc I would scour and automatically put the blame on myself, 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Relationships

7.19.19

Day 60

Have you ever loved somebody who didn’t love you back? How did that make you feel?

  • Yes, I have. It made me feel very lowly about myself, I felt stupid and confused. It hurt a lot, because I assumed this person loved me when they told me, but their actions were different and I chose to ignore the red flags because of how much I cared for this person. 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Relationships

6.12.19

Day 23

What is your perfect date?

  • My idea of a perfect date would be something fun and new. I like dates where we can talk and entertain one another or have something entertaining us — make us laugh, dance, sing to, etc. Typically a festival, warmer weather, sporting events, museums, anything that interest both parties.

365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Past

3.17.19

Day 10

What mistakes have you learned from in the past?

  • How to make better financial decisions with credit card use
  • how important your credit score is when it comes to everyday life 
  • Not to allow family members to take advantage of you financially
  • Being happy with myself truly before involving myself in a long term relationship with someone else
  • Stand up for myself
  • Take risk instead of passing up opportunity due to fear 
  • Make more of an effort to keep in touch with loved ones and friends
  • Don’t do too much all at once — know your limits
  • Don’t change who you are in order for people to like you
  • Don’t be afraid to be honest about your feelings
  • Date someone who brings value to your life, instead of basing things off looks alone
  • There is nothing wrong with being single, no need to rush into a relationship
  • put yourself FIRST
  • Live below my means
  • listen to what someone has to say before deciding to react and then regretting it later
  • Walk away from relationships that hinder, scare, control or makes you feel less than your best
  • choose friends wisely and be cautious of whom you allow in your circle
  • Pray more often because you need help from a higher power more than you know
What are some lessons you have learned from mistakes you have made?

365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Past

3.16.19

Day 9

Where were you, 10 years, 5 years, and 1 year ago?

  • So this is a good question that requires long answers. I will try to keep them semi short for the same of having to read everything but what I wrote down on paper was much longer due to me really getting my thoughts out. 10 years ago, I was 16 years of age, 11th grade, living in Texas for the 2nd year. I had a few friends at this time, and I wasn’t playing basketball anymore due to a certain circumstance that got me kicked off the team the previous year (which I thought was highly unacceptable), but I was still running track and trying to figure my own life out. I wasn’t necessarily happy living in Texas but enjoyed visiting my Uncle and grandfather who lived a ways away in Texas. I wasn’t dating anyone, but I had a few crushes here and there. I was still uncomfortable with my sexuality — because I didn’t quite understand myself but didn’t really think much about it and didn’t reach out to anyone for understanding (I dealt with things alone) I flirted with guys plenty and got a lot of attention from dudes from school who would say vulgar or anticipate that I would have some sort of sexual experience with them (which I did not) the furthest thing I did was texting inappropriately but I had little knowledge on the subject, I was just searching for something & didn’t know what it was. I had good grades in school at this time and I was probably getting the news we would be leaving before I started my senior year to a new state. 
  • 5 years ago, I was 21 years old, happy as hell that I was finally able to drink alcohol legally (although I was drinking it before this) and I was not close to my mom, we would argue and bicker often, I wasn’t close to my younger brother at all, we just didn’t see eye to eye. I was still in denial about my sexuality to other people but I was already out to my mom at age 18 about being bisexual at the time, but wasn’t out about it to certain family members and friends. I was having an internal battle with myself, I don’t think I was in a serious relationship with anyone but I was dating around somewhat & meeting people offline. I had a few experiences here and there with men my age and older but nothing that I want to get into depth about. I was probably out of college (taking a break) but working two jobs at the time and living with a roommate. I didnt have my life together and wasn’t sure where I would end up.
  • 1 year ago, I was 25 years old, my relationship with my mom was shaking but better and my younger brother and me were getting along better as well. I was out in totally by this age and I don’t think I identified as bisexual anymore, so I think I mainly stuck with dating women at this point. Not in a serious relationship, but had pretty much dated around for a while. I was working at the Anytime Fitness gym and working with a company that helped the mentally and physically handicapped. I had already graduated college years prior to this and decided on being a personal trainer as a career choice. I was eager about the future but still dealing with the fact me and my ex had broken up the year previous to this. 
I like to think my life has been a rollercoaster of weird stuff and with all kinds of mistakes and lessons to have been learned from them. I might not still have my life together but I at least know what I want out of life for the most part now compared to then. My relationships with my family now aren’t as bad (although we have our days) but I am busy with two jobs and working on myself more than not, and I want so much for myself, I have put myself first these days and hopefully it pays off. 
 
If you are feeling up to it, share where you were 10 years, 5 years and 1 year ago. If not all three, choose one and share. I know it can be quite the question but the reflection is nice to look back on. 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

2.17.19

Day 49

Do you feel you lack courage? What do you wish you had the courage to do?

  • I feel as though I have a decent amount of courage to do most things in life, especially when I have a passion or driving force for it. One aspect of my life that I feel I lack courage in, is dating — not necessarily dating in general but being able to talk to someone of interest to me, being able to communicate my feelings to another human or ask someone out on a date — small and probably not important but important enough for me. I also lack courage in myself when I want to start up a new project, I always shy away from doing it because of the fear of failure or not knowing how to do it and not being proactive in getting answers. Everyone needs an ounce of courage to maintain a decent lifestyle. 
Are you the type that lacks courage? How so, specifically?