Life.Fitness.Nutrition|vlog #30

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywvI8LEy8Pk

My YouTube video today will talk about my eating habits, workouts (Fri-Sun) and what is going on in my life (thoughts, feelings, anxieties, etc). Feel free to follow, subscribe to the YouTube channel, share, comment. 

 

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Thank You (Poem At The End)

I wanted to catch everyone up on why I haven’t been active on social media and my blog page as well.. and what is to come. 

 

Firstly, I want to say thank you to all of those who have left comments on my latest YouTube video and my blog post while I have been MIA – it truly means the world to me and while I did not respond to any of them, I did read them.. and it made me thankful that many of you were being as supportive as possible. 

 

Secondly, I apologize that all my viewers and blog friends and followers have not seen much of me on social media (including this blog) and I know it sucks because I have so much to write about and all you flock to my page to get the next big thing I have written; waiting patiently and none of you were prepared for this disappeared kind of moment. This was not fair to any of you – but I had to do what I had to do if it meant staying away for a while.

 

Thirdly, for those of you who aren’t caught up or new to the blog, this week has been full of emotional lows for me, I have been in rage, sad, frustrated, confused, and withdrew from close friends and family – for reasons I will not discuss on this blog or social media.. some may have guessed it or might have a clue as to why but I will not confirm those reasons for privacy reasons. I have a personal life that isn’t always something I want to discuss online. It has been very difficult for me, I haven’t been to the gym all week, I left the gym on Tuesday in tears and anger that I could not manage to go back all this week, I haven’t been eating much at all and my selections have not been healthiest at all – in all honesty I have been falling apart all week. The first to go was my mind, I lost it.. I was in my room crying most days and throwing shit other days of the week and all in all I missed out on tons of sleep to the point of not being able to function correctly. It wasn’t until partly yesterday I was slowly showing people support on Instagram again and trying to manage my emotions all at once.. it has been difficult but in the end.. we all have shitty days, right?

 

Fourthly, I will try to create a video Monday for all of you to get some updates.. and if I don’t you will have to excuse me because I still look horrible and although emotionally I feel like I am healing somewhat, I am not 100 percent yet. Not even close to it. I will continue to blog (starting today) and have even made it a point to start some new projects during this week of emotional rollercoasters.

 

Fifthly, I have given thought on starting a second blog that has nothing to do with fitness at all. It is a totally different spectrum and I will be honest, not sure what will come of it if I decide to do it but I feel like it could be a good thing for others as well as myself. I will continue this fitness blog – no worries, this is my FIRST love and my career and life, so this won’t be going away. Along with a new blog page means I will probably be creating a new facebook page dedicated to it, but that is all something I will start at later dates, I am taking this a day at a time. So be patient with me. 

 

Lastly, I have decided to share a simple poem with all of you I created within minutes of writing this post, hopefully all of you will enjoy it. I will be working on myself day my day because I want to make the most of my life with someone I adore and love and I want to better myself in all aspects of life and I want to blossom into something that I know I am capable of! All of your emails, comments, and social media messages have been read and I am in so much ‘ahh’ at all how many of you were by my side during this time, I am blessed beyond belief to have an online family who stands by my corner but I also want to thank all my close friends and family for keeping me on the up and up even when I was falling into pieces in front of you, you are my heros and I love you!

 

Poem:

I fell on my face, nothing could pick me back up

for all this time, I thought I wasn’t enough

sometimes the mental pain drains me, and my body hates me,

the insanity that takes over me – has me going crazy

 

the smile on my face gave me such distaste, pretending to be happy 

in order to survive this phase. 

It takes strength to grow but I didn’t know it would take so much pain

for every flower around me withered at my downward spiral that I gained

 

You won’t understand my story,  it has no end but many beginnings

You won’t understand my words, they are spoken while drinking henny,,

You won’t understand me, because I am everything in between..

This poem is only a small dose of me.

 

-Shay-lon Moss (this poem was created by me and copyrighted)

 

Thanks for reading, 

 

Fitness WonderWoman

 
 

I Am Only Human

Bound By Flaws.

For a first time in a long time.. 

 

It had occur to me that people see me as this “super human” amazing women who lifts heavy and walks with confidence and seemingly has her life together & everything she does just seems to be #goals (my blog, my workout, my future career, my online presence, physique, etc) & this scares me a little bit, actually a lot of bit. I mean granted I am thankful that I have inspired people, built relationships and rapport with people who now trust me enough to come to me with questions about fitness/health, have had a blog that went from 0 to hero in matter of months and that I tend to make people smile with my random comedic personality BUT what scares me is that people seem to think because of all this I did do, that they think they can’t do it. Like it took some magical pixie dust and oops the store ran out of it, so looks like no one else is capable of doing AMAZING things with their own life. 

 

I hate to give it to you like this.. BUT.. I am only human. That’s right, I came out the vagina the same way you did and I ended up on planet earth just like you. my baby self didn’t have a 6 pack and big arms, I surely wasn’t tying blogs at the age of 2 and I couldn’t have been that famous because I am still broke & I am willing to bet .. no one really even knows me besides family and friends and the people who know of me online. I could lie and say I am a HUGE deal but lets get real, I am not. Do I want to be? YES! because I have a lot to offer in my field and I know I am capable of GREAT things! I believe this. I know how hard I have to work in order to keep my physique in top notch if I want the “deals” and exposure, I know what it takes to keep my blog running smoothly so that all of you keep coming back to pester me about how much you love my stuff (lol)  & I know how much constant research, learning and events it will take for me to build more knowledge so I know what I am talking about and can teach others and spread my knowledge to others who listen to me. My life is not all daisies and wildflowers with tons of sunshine – I have cloudy days. I have periods and bloating that makes me look “gross” , I have struggled with body shaming, I have had the ups and downs of having a nice physique, I have failed in sporting events, I have struggled with my own self confidence and who I am, I have struggled financially, I have lost out on many opportunities (not being good enough), I have days where my abs are no longer there and my arms look like twigs and I am crying trying to pick myself back up. I have had many days where my post suck and I felt like walking away, and for goodness sake .. I know what it is like to have flaws. 

 

The problem is, maybe not all my flaws are seen with the human eye, maybe some of them are seen and you can pinpoint them in less than 5 seconds, but it doesn’t matter because I am no better than anyone else. Being in the fitness field can put a lot of pressure on you to be something like someone else in order to gain a huge following, more “friends”, more money and more fame. I don’t mind the pressure much anymore because I had to stop trying to be like her or him and had to try better at doing what I do best: being me, with flaws and all. I can’t always show my flaws because, hey it is a business, and I have to put on a good face and a good show if I want to keep everyone else around me happy, but when I do, it hits hard — because that is the one time I can let go and just allow myself to cry or get angry. Becoming a trainer isn’t easy either, hell .. you are responsible for someone outside of yourself and being an athlete, well hell you are responsible with being “good” and if not good, then you better be able to handle the harsh criticisms because the world is ready to chew you whole and spit you out. Truth is, during this whole time of learning about myself and wanting to go the distance in everything I do, I have learned I am as strong as I allow but I can’t handle every hurdle and I can’t handle every ball thrown at me.. because like everyone else, I am human and I am going to have days where I fall and getting back up will seem impossible. 

 

Hopefully this post gave people some perspective and understanding. Feel free to leave comments, likes, share it on social media or follow me 🙂 Thank you.

 

Your Fitness Blogger,

 

Shay-lon xxooo

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Topic Tuesday YouTube video – (Caution: emotional video)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zpqYkRAPxo

Yes, I did cry in this video and yes I was trying to hold the tears back but something came over me. While the thought of me crying on video is embarrassing and I hope that no one makes jokes at it, I am not ashamed of it because it was how I felt about the situation and because life is serious. This probably won’t happen often where I am shedding tears on camera, but when it does, trust and believe I have a good reason to. I could have cut the part out where I am crying and sobbing, but I am a real person with real emotions and I am not going to hide them from people in order to look “perfect” on screen. Hopefully all of you will understand, if not. oh well. 

Shay-lon xxxx