365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

1.07.19

Day 8

What makes you angry? How do you deal with the anger?

  • I would be ranting if I had a list of everything that made me angry, as a matter of fact, I don’t think I could list everything because sometimes I find something new grinds my gears that I haven’t experienced before — and other times, it isn’t that I am angry, it might be just that I am frustrated and coming off angry about a situation. Either way, you got lucky because I was able to come up with a ranting list of things that anger me:
  1. Losing — I hate losing because I am competitive by nature. I never have fun losing, but I have learned to play sports, games, activities for fun because people don’t enjoy being around “sore losers”
  2. Failing – Failing at something or not being good at something; especially when I see someone else is good at it because it makes me feel “lame” not living up to those same standards & brings out my competitive nature. I tend to look at failing with perspective, and I either practice & try again or I admit to myself that I am not good at whatever it may be and move on or play for fun. 
  3. Bullying
  4. people whom seem to complain when they have it easier in life compared to others around them
  5. When people talk to me condescendingly 
  6. Shopping at Walmart
  7. Person taking advantage of someone because of their vulnerabilities
  8. Liars 
  9. 2 face individuals 
  10. Our governments choices sometimes
  11. Hate crimes
  12. bad drivers who do not care about the lives they are endangering
  13. Lack of justice for victims of any type of abuse or having to deal with unsolved homicides
What is it that makes you angry? 
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365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 79

11.20.18

What is your biggest failure?

  • Not sure if my biggest failure has happened yet, but I know I have failed at some things in life —  one being choosing a relationship over continuing my college education — allowing someone to control my future success in order to make them happy (the relationship ended) and it wasn’t worth it & even though I could have started back up again after the relationship, by then, I lost the motivation to. Another failure would be allowing what others think of me to hinder me from wanting to be myself, having to pose as someone else or pretend in order to “fit in” with people/ in order to be liked or feel wanted by someone — now I don’t do this, but in the past I did, it was like I was trying to keep up with everyone else and in doing so, I was becoming a people pleaser and it ruined my self esteem, lost me true friendships, and left me exhausted from the constant struggle of changing who I am for people. Now, I have gotten better at just discarding those who don’t accept me for me. 

What would you say has been your biggest failures? if not your biggest, a failure in general. 

Tuesday Tips– Determination.

Inspiration 1

Determination.

It’s what fuels your drive, pushes you to keep going. Lack of determination leads to lack of willpower and no willpower will hinder your “trying” process. There are many things people have done/are doing, that many times we ask ourselves, “how”? how did this person do it, how did they keep going after failing many times, how did they meet success? The answer is they were determined. At some point in the journey, they had the determination that another man did not, and succeeded. It didn’t come any easier, but the determination they had kept them fueled, gave them courage, allowed them to undertake much hard paths and sometimes even granted them better and bigger opportunities. As an athlete, the will to win helps to fuel our willpower — but winning alone can’t do it. Besides the will to win, we have to have the will to want to be better, not perfect, but better. 

Lack of determination.. will slow you down in the long run. A person’s determination.. plays a role in how far they are willing to go. 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 69

11.10.18

Are you a confident person or do you find yourself doubting your abilities?

  •  I am a little bit of both. I am confident but at the same time I find myself doubting myself and what I am capable of due to fear; fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown. Many times I start off confident but then my mind/thoughts get the best of me and I start second guessing myself. 

Success quickly became failure

To start things off, today’s deadlifts I thought were going to go my way, but ends up being I did worse off than I had imagined. I lifted a good lift at 290 & with 305 being my max, I figured lifting 295 afterwards wouldn’t be hard, but boy, I failed that lift 3 times. Not sure why I didn’t get the lift, but it only reached thigh level and the rest of the way, I was weak. I thought to myself, there is no way this is happening — almost like a smack in the face failing like this when your max was 305, and now you are questioning all your training protocols. Maybe it’s the extra cardio I have been doing now 4-5 days a week for about 20-25 minutes, or it could be I haven’t been eating the 5-6 smalls meals like I was or the lack of sleep I have been getting. Worse case scenario, it could be a sign I lost some form of strength — although heavy squats went over well today & that’s what had me most confused, but I will take it as a loss and start back up next week with a clean slate. 

Warm up:

  • Body bar squats: 4 x 25, 3 lbs
  • Hip adduction machine: 4 x 25, 35 lbs
  • Resistance band butt lifts: 4 x 25, red band

Workout:

  • Conventional deadlift: 1 x 290 lbs, Failed attempt at 295 lbs
  • Barbell back squats: 1 x 215 lbs, 1 x 220 lbs

Superset:

  • smith machine rack pulls: 4 x 8-10, 185 lbs
  • Kettlebell stationary lunges: 4 x 8-10, 10 kg

Superset:

  • DB Romanian deadlift: 4 x 8-10, 50 lbs
  • Seated leg extension: 4 x 8-10, 70 lbs

Superset:

  • Wide stance leg press: 4 x 8-10, 100 lbs
  • Seated leg curl: 4 x 8-10, 60 lbs

BEGREATGUYS #5 — My exam story (Try Again)

I have learned many things, some of which made a difference in my life. One of which, is learning to “try again”, which for some is easy enough but for others like myself, “trying again” is scary and makes us overwhelmed, makes us anxious and gives us stress. Stress we don’t need nor want. I can tell you of many incidences where I wanted to try again but didn’t due to fear and not knowing, due to low self esteem and negative thinking and due to lack of courage. I grew up on “trying” and giving it my best; my mom always told me and my siblings this growing up — and even then it was easier said than done. Almost like now. Where trying something for a second or third time seems like a waste of time, especially when you don’t know how it will end. 

I learned REAL soon, that trying again can be the door that opens opportunity — All it takes is a positive mindset, belief in yourself and capabilities & your “why”  (in other words the reason that you NEED to try again, why is this important to you) because without a why, you lose focus and give up. This almost happened to me within this year. 

Just recently I got certified in Personal Training by ACSM (one of the hardest personal training exams right next to CSCS) and holds the “Gold standard” for the fitness industry because it was the FIRST certification and very few people pass this exam the first time let alone the second time. I graduated college May 2016 and took the exam for the first time December of 2016 and FAILED. Mind you it cost me 300 dollars to take it, and I didn’t have whole lot of financial stability at the time, so I knew it would take some saving up before I could afford it while also having to afford bills. I was very discouraged this first time (you can take it after 15 days with a discounted price) but at the time I could not afford to retake it, so I went a whole other year before re-taking it again. The first time I cried and got very upset. The second time, I had something new weighing on me, they were changing the cirriculum for this exam after this test date, so if I failed it this time, it meant having to buy new books & taking time to study the new material (expenses and time) so I retook the test Dec. 2017 and FAILED, again. Now I was very pissed off, I had cried at the gym when telling my boss/owner and sharing the news with a couple of gym members, it was like the world was falling on top of me and I couldn’t breath and didn’t know what to do, I started to think that maybe I was too dumb for this test — people gave me other names of personal training certs I could do: ACE, NASM, ISSA, etc but I didn’t want to do those, I wanted ACSM, it appealed to me because of the recognition it receives and how few people have passed. I wanted to pass it. 

In the meantime while my self esteem was low, I started looking into other cert options in case I wanted to give up on ACSM (and do know I did want to give up) because I even got ahold of NASM and talked with a rep about being interested in taking their exam and pricing and same with ACE. I even researched ISSA to see what it was about. When it was all said and done, I decided I would give ACSM a try ONCE more, because the material was new, I figured I’d rather study this new stuff then to spend more money with a whole other company/cert. Once again I was praying I could afford the new books/study aids — thankfully Amazon had it for decent price and because of using the trial period of Prime, I was able to have them shipped quickly to my house. I got my books and dug in, I decided to once again make note cards, but beforehand, read both textbooks while taking notes in a notebook then used the notes on the notecards and made over 100+ note cards to study from and used the ACSM pocket prep app. I was focused, UNTIL I wasn’t, I had set the date to February to retake the test but realized I wasn’t ready yet, so changed it to March but because I was too busy having fun on my birthday — I changed the date to April to give me more time to study (which I didn’t use my time to study very well) I got distracted by friends and wanting to hang out that I put my studies in second place & the times I could study I would have rather been able to go to bed early. I work two jobs so sleep is important to me. It wasn’t until a week before that I really dug into my notes and focused. I was overwhelmed but made it a priority to study because I didn’t want to keep rescheduling my exam. Long story short, I studies until midnight the night before and woke up bright and very, very early to eat breakfast, study and calm my nerves so I could come prepared with clarity. 

Walking into the testing center made me anxious but I was confident in myself and didn’t allow the nerves to take over my mind or fill me with negative thoughts. The test was 150 questions and I had to score 550 in order to pass. The test was HARD, very difficult but I could confidently say that I knew about 20 of the questions without pondering but the rest depended on memory, being able to answer practical questions and hoping that I can do a good job of guessing if I didn’t know the answer. Unlike the previous test, I went through all the flagged questions I had issues with and made sure I answered them to the best of my ability and even left 20 minutes on the clock before finishing the test because I took my time with this test, I wanted to do my best and give my best answers. 

I PASSED. I passed the test with a 557 score. I cried with a smile on my face and walked out that testing center not believing what just happened. I texted the first 5 people I wanted to share the news with and posted on Facebook the news. Everything was starting to make sense to me after this day, I didn’t give up. I could have very well not tried again but because I took the dive and TRIED AGAIN, I found out I could do it. I passed the exam and I am ever so blessed and happy with the results. Moral of the story, TRY AGAIN. 

“When you try something for the first time, you might find you aren’t the best at it, but doesn’t mean you can’t get better” – Shay-lon Moss

Shay-lon 

Check out my Instagram with the posted good news: ACSM cert

Good & bad news

  • Barbell shoulder press: 3 x 5, 3, 1

 

  • 75% of 90% of 1-RM: 60 lb, 3 x 5
  • 85% of 90% of 1-RM: 70 lb, 3 x 3
  • 95% of 90% of 1-RM: 75 lb, 5 rep max , 3 x 1+

 

This went over well, I believe about 4 or 5 weeks ago, I was hitting 70 lb for like 1 rep max and now I am able to do 75 lb for 5 rep max, very happy about this progress.

 
  • Barbell bench press: 5 x 5, 105 lb, 100 lb

My bench did not go over well at all today. I was able to hit 105 lb for 5 reps but only the first set, after that set, I was only hitting 3-4 reps, so I went down to 100 lb and was hitting my 5 reps until the last set and was only able to do 3 reps. Bench has never been my stronger suit in lifting but I want to improve it because I plateau in bench pressing more than I do in other lifts and it agitates me. I have found some ideas but it will be trial and error. Anyone else feel like their bench is slow to progress? 

 

My 1 rep max should be 135, but at this rate, I don’t know. GRR. 

 
  • DB seated shoulder press: 5 x 6, 60 lb
  • Smith machine upright row: 5 x 6, 90 lb
  • Side laterals to front raise: 5 x 6, 30 lb
  • DB rear delt row: 5 x 6, 80 lb

The assistance work today wasn’t too bad besides the last one (hard one). I am doing heavier assistance work this week and next week and lighter core lifts next week (deload week) so today’s core lifting was fairly heavy work.