365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Relationships

7.29.19

Day 70

Do you think it is important to be honest with people even if that honesty causes pain?

  • Yes, they say “the truth hurts” & this is probably true many times to  begin with, but in the long run it creates for a more successful relationship if the person is understanding of where you are coming from and if your able to empathize with the persons whom you are speaking your mind to. There is a HUGE difference between being a b**** and being honest and many people don’t have that clear understanding; so it comes from experience in how one should handle the situations. I always prefer it when people are honest with me — no matter what, because it will only strengthen me to know the truth vs living within a lie that usually unfolds at some point and causes more pain to the individual. Why create trust issues in the first place, if you don’t have to?
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365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Relationships

6.28.19

Day 39

What are the 3 most important things in a relationship?

  1. Communication
  2. Trust/honesty
  3. Compatibility

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 54

Do You Always Tell The Truth?

self discovery day 54

  • Such a tough question since I like being honest and being truthful, but I would lying if I said I have never told a lie; even now as an adult. However, I pride myself with being able to tell the truth in most cases, but in many cases I have found that I sugar coat the truth if I know the honesty might hurt someone’s feelings or could cause for more problems (which in turn means I am not really being 100 percent honest) but I can live with that, if it means I am not tearing someone’s heart out or making them feel less than their best. People say they would rather hear the truth, but many people can’t honestly handle it, so I have to consider the situation and how much of the truth to tell, and how to word it in order to make it so it doesn’t come off as though I am being a B word. I prefer to be 100 percent honest, because I would want the same in return (even if it does hurt me) at least I know & in theory I always start with telling the truth but I won’t deny there have been times I have fabricated the truth to protect somebody or myself — not my proudest moments but I have done it. Sometimes the truth can lead to more problems and sometimes people are in denial of the truth which doesn’t help your case, I guess I shouldn’t make excuses for the times I have lied, but I am just saying, the truth sometimes holds worse consequences. In general, I consider myself a very honest person.

How about you, do you ALWAYS tell the truth, have there been situations where you didn’t tell the truth? share in the comment section. 

I don’t live my life to Appease you

Not anymore.

It is within our nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to “fit in” and feel like we can have a common place with someone else. We strive to be this person that people can say they like, talk highly about and want to be around on a more constant basis. It’s almost like we do things in order to prove we are worthy of these things, but what for? because popularity is a form of what we would consider “love”, and people like feeling loved — and cared for. It’s without a doubt, a great indicator of who we are and how we perceive ourselves because in the mist of wanting to be this “popular” buzz, we find out what sacrifices we had to make in order to appease the crowd & how those same sacrifices effect our character. Sometimes by being the “crowds favorite person” you find out that you had to sell your soul to the devil (metaphorically speaking) and once you decide to sell yourself short in order to gain a couple new friends, you don’t get to make another bargain. It’s a final sale & there are no refunds, you gave away yourself in order to buy a new face — you prided yourself for the amount of people who speak about you, but not everyone stays around long enough to meet the real you, when you finally have had a enough exhaustion for one day & need a break from it all, you have to remember it comes with a losing sacrifice, you lose out on the people you gained and you lost the ones who accepted you without change — but because of your greedy mind and wishful thinking, you have nobody at the end of this tunnel if you don’t stick with this mask that made you phenomenal. 

I created this writing as a piece to dedicate to myself & to those who have or once had lived to appease. They lived their lives constantly wanting someone to notice them, wanting to be their friend, wanting to be apart of something grand because for so long they weren’t happy with what they had, even if what they had was pure. Sometimes we want to strive for bigger & better but not always is this the best path, it can come with consequences if you don’t read the small bold print at the bottom of the contract and has its been known to change a person’s character and scar them. For we don’t get to choose who we meet, but if who we meet changes who we are for the worst, than maybe we need to reconsider how we go about letting people in. To appease someone else by changing yourself is like living a life with half truths. Not everyone was meant to like you, the true you, some will deem it “not good enough” ; but what isn’t good enough for them was good enough for those who stayed by your side no matter your flaws. If ONLY one person deemed you “good enough” , that one person is worthy of your love because that one person didn’t ask you to conform but instead asked you to be yourself in exchange for their true selves. We don’t have to unmask ourselves to see the face, we only have to question if who we really are, is the mask we put on everyday. Don’t live to appease, live to be loved and to be cared for 100 percent, live to be you, live to be true and never live to fit in because tears will flood the eyes who have reached their own demise. 

Shay-lon

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think in the comment section & if you are a fan of these spoken verses, please feel free to share with your peers, like this page and follow my blog. 

Building a positive social circle

I plan on getting back to the podcast soon that I created (been away from it for 3 months) and so to keep things fresh, I will probably do the Tips Tuesday — and gradually get back into things, don’t want to overwhelm myself with too much because of all the extra stuff I am now taking on. With this being said, I created this tip months ago, and I figured it is very important — something we should all aim for & that is:

 

Building a positive social circle.

 

What this means, is choosing to surround yourself with people who help to build you, motivate you, encourage you, and support you. We all have had people in our circle at one point who seemed like the debbie downer or the one that constantly complains about life and all the downs but never sees any positive things from it — but maybe some of us have been the negative one in our own circle (if this is true, change your outlook .. in order to gain the positive circle you seek). This is excluding those of us with mental illnesses that might play a part in our mindset, but even so with that illness, finding people who appreciate you and give you hope and have a concern for you and your life as much as you have for them is a start in the right direction. 

 

I am not perfect by any means, but since growing up and becoming more mature and making better adult decisions, I have gotten better at being alone until I meet people who have a good impact in my life instead of being friends and accepting everyone in my circle — I had to learn to be more picky because I get discouraged easy and I deal with my own demons and having a negative person who constantly brings me down, only creates more issues in the long term for me. Something we have to learn to do, is be picky as to who we allow in our lives and who we allow to impact our lives. Down below I list some ways to build a positive social circle:

 
 
  1. Be PICKY! Don’t allow anyone in, make sound decisions. Not everyone needs to be your friend
  2. Change your outlook/attitude about yourself – when you have a more positive outlook on yourself, people tend to gravitate towards you and in turn you make more relationships that are good relationships
  3. Respect people- Respect goes a long way in life, if you can respect others, normally it means they will have mutual respect for you
  4. Be open minded: Open minded individuals tend to see within a person vs the outer layer, they want a deeper connection with someone and in turn you truly start to build a stronger bond
  5. Compliment someone: Giving someone a reason to smile can make a difference — people will feel appreciated & it can make your day knowing you made someone else’s day. People enjoy compliments, truths about themselves that maybe they don’t see within them, but hearing it from someone else gives them a reason to continue being awesome! A simple compliment can carry a lot of weight
  6. Don’t be self absorbed: I always say there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself BUT you don’t want your circle to get tired of learning about you, when you become self absorbed everything revolves around you and that shows others that you don’t have their best interest in mind. I will just add that, being self absorbed can lead to bad relationships because everybody wants a chance to shine and when you take someone’s limelight to shine back on yourself, it comes off as arrogant. 
  7. Confidence is needed: Confidence is a necessity because people feed off someone who is confident with who they are, you need to carry yourself like you are proud of being alive, proud of who you are and proud of where you came from because it is what makes you, you! You might have a bad past but it doesn’t mean you are bad person, and you might have flaws but flaws don’t make you less of a person. 
  8. Think before you speak: We get in a habit with saying whatever is on our minds, which isn’t always bad, but it can lead to bad outcomes if we don’t think about how to go about things. If you keep other people’s feelings in mind, then you will have better outcomes, telling the truth isn’t bad but its how you say it that can make the whole difference. Take others into consideration before speaking too much of your mind. 
  9. Don’t be “two faced”: We all know what it means to be two faced “someone who smiles in your face but will talk behind your back when you leave” , yes, that’s very dishonest, rude and immature. Grow up, if you want people in your circle who are positive, don’t make it hard on yourself by giving them a reason to not trust you or like you. 
  10. Find people with similar hobbies: It can pay off when you acquaint yourself with those who share the same interest and hobbies as you, this makes life a little easier but don’t disregard those who are opposite because many times they can give us new experiences and allow us to step outside our comfort level. 
  11. Be true to SELF: Be real, be authentic, and be yourself. Changing for others will either end badly or last for a short period of time because you will run into all walks of life and having to shift who you are for each person will get tiring — change is good if it makes you into a better person and develops you mentally and physically and spiritually but when it becomes a change in order to “fit in” with people or groups of people, it drains you, overwhelms you, and reduces your chances of making deeper connections with people. Not everyone will like you, but those who do like you, will be worth it because they will see the best in you — 
 

Building a circle isn’t about being “popular” and most liked, it is about building a meaningful bond with people who take the time to build that same bond with you. Building a positive circle isn’t about having to smile and be happy everyday, it’s about building a circle that allows for bad days but doesn’t dwell on them — Shay-lon Moss 

 

A circle can be small (2-3 close friends) or a bigger circle (5-10 friends), or your family members — it doesn’t matter how big or small it is, it’s a circle that has your back no matter how deep the water gets; they motivate, support, and uplift you– they give you truths but don’t slam you with bad vibes — Shay-lon Moss

 

Have something you want to add to this list, feel free to leave in the comment section!