I Am Only Human

Bound By Flaws.

For a first time in a long time.. 

 

It had occur to me that people see me as this “super human” amazing women who lifts heavy and walks with confidence and seemingly has her life together & everything she does just seems to be #goals (my blog, my workout, my future career, my online presence, physique, etc) & this scares me a little bit, actually a lot of bit. I mean granted I am thankful that I have inspired people, built relationships and rapport with people who now trust me enough to come to me with questions about fitness/health, have had a blog that went from 0 to hero in matter of months and that I tend to make people smile with my random comedic personality BUT what scares me is that people seem to think because of all this I did do, that they think they can’t do it. Like it took some magical pixie dust and oops the store ran out of it, so looks like no one else is capable of doing AMAZING things with their own life. 

 

I hate to give it to you like this.. BUT.. I am only human. That’s right, I came out the vagina the same way you did and I ended up on planet earth just like you. my baby self didn’t have a 6 pack and big arms, I surely wasn’t tying blogs at the age of 2 and I couldn’t have been that famous because I am still broke & I am willing to bet .. no one really even knows me besides family and friends and the people who know of me online. I could lie and say I am a HUGE deal but lets get real, I am not. Do I want to be? YES! because I have a lot to offer in my field and I know I am capable of GREAT things! I believe this. I know how hard I have to work in order to keep my physique in top notch if I want the “deals” and exposure, I know what it takes to keep my blog running smoothly so that all of you keep coming back to pester me about how much you love my stuff (lol)  & I know how much constant research, learning and events it will take for me to build more knowledge so I know what I am talking about and can teach others and spread my knowledge to others who listen to me. My life is not all daisies and wildflowers with tons of sunshine – I have cloudy days. I have periods and bloating that makes me look “gross” , I have struggled with body shaming, I have had the ups and downs of having a nice physique, I have failed in sporting events, I have struggled with my own self confidence and who I am, I have struggled financially, I have lost out on many opportunities (not being good enough), I have days where my abs are no longer there and my arms look like twigs and I am crying trying to pick myself back up. I have had many days where my post suck and I felt like walking away, and for goodness sake .. I know what it is like to have flaws. 

 

The problem is, maybe not all my flaws are seen with the human eye, maybe some of them are seen and you can pinpoint them in less than 5 seconds, but it doesn’t matter because I am no better than anyone else. Being in the fitness field can put a lot of pressure on you to be something like someone else in order to gain a huge following, more “friends”, more money and more fame. I don’t mind the pressure much anymore because I had to stop trying to be like her or him and had to try better at doing what I do best: being me, with flaws and all. I can’t always show my flaws because, hey it is a business, and I have to put on a good face and a good show if I want to keep everyone else around me happy, but when I do, it hits hard — because that is the one time I can let go and just allow myself to cry or get angry. Becoming a trainer isn’t easy either, hell .. you are responsible for someone outside of yourself and being an athlete, well hell you are responsible with being “good” and if not good, then you better be able to handle the harsh criticisms because the world is ready to chew you whole and spit you out. Truth is, during this whole time of learning about myself and wanting to go the distance in everything I do, I have learned I am as strong as I allow but I can’t handle every hurdle and I can’t handle every ball thrown at me.. because like everyone else, I am human and I am going to have days where I fall and getting back up will seem impossible. 

 

Hopefully this post gave people some perspective and understanding. Feel free to leave comments, likes, share it on social media or follow me 🙂 Thank you.

 

Your Fitness Blogger,

 

Shay-lon xxooo

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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If You Are New To Fitness..

In Case The World Forgot…..

 

I do still make post that don’t have my workouts attached. Let’s be honest, the majority of people who aren’t into fitness, think it is stupid, waste of time, don’t understand it, don’t give a shit or were misinformed, they tend to to think fitness is about “showing off muscles”, over-confident assholes, girls who have fake tits on the cover of sports illustrated, men who are meatheads and talk about lifting but don’t have common sense and feel as though we go around bragging about our bodies and how much we can lift in order to make ourselves feel better. When I mention anything about working out, or fitness to someone who doesn’t participate in those activities, I get the complaint, the look of “wow.. yeah, I don’t workout.. not my thing”, the comment “eh.. I would much rather smash my face with food” and while I don’t mind those particular people and respect their feelings toward fitness, I want them to know, being hip to being a healthier person doesn’t have to mean all those stereotypes I get boxed in. 

 

Sure, we have the occasional assholes who think they are better than everyone else at the gym, the occasional “bitch” who seems to think because she is in shape, she can talk shit about the girl on a journey and the pretend trainers who think they know everything about fitness because they watch YouTube videos and their favorite celebrity icon is Arnold. WOW! — yeah.. those people might suck, but guess what? we also have people like myself who don’t have to pretend to know shit, because if I know it, I say it and if I don’t I find out, I don’t think I am better than anyone at the gym because GUESS WHAT? I’m not. I don’t talk shit about the girl/guy on their fitness journey because I used to be on mine and probably had the same people talking shit about me. It seems like we are a rare bunch, but really we aren’t; there is more of us out there and many of us can’t stand when people think highly of who we are because we are human just like you, we didn’t come out the womb with a 6 pack and a nice ass – we started from the beginning too. Sure, I don’t know what it is like to be you, and you don’t know what it is like to be me, all you see is it what I look like and assume that I have no bad days because I carry a confidence about me that I don’t allow to fall victim to people’s negative vibes – this could be you, but instead you are giving up, you are doing exactly what people do to you, to me by assuming that my story is any less important than yours and giving me shit about being fit to excuse your choices and wrong turns in life. 

 

So to help you out and get you thinking outside of the box – if you are new to fitness:

 
  • Give everyone a chance to tell you how they can relate to your journey instead of pretending that you are the only one with a soap box- who knows, you might just be shocked to hear some of our journeys. 
  • Don’t judge me for choosing to be healthy and choosing to work my ass off for the body I have (you have no idea how long it has taken me and I will be damn if you choose to make me feel like shit about it) INSTEAD.. how about you get to know me as a person instead of judging me for what I look like and the amount of time I spend inside a gym. 
  • Get rid of the negative people holding you back from feeling good about yourself, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE CONFIDENT, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. 
  • Don’t stay complacent, always strive for more. There is always room for progress mentally and physically (just cause you met your goal of losing 5 pounds doesn’t mean you stop doing what you are doing) – it means aim for new goals (appropriate goals, realistic goals) 
  • Develop a learning mindset instead of a know it all mindset. Don’t get mad at helpful criticisms, people normally want to help, not make you feel dumb.  
  • stop whining. Seriously, we get it.. you were a child who got made fun of, so have many people, you were in shape and drank too much and gained weight, we got it. No need to throw it in our faces to make us feel bad, seriously.. we respect what you went through but I don’t care about your past, let’s focus on what you are going to do about it now. Tell me your story but don’t throw it in my face when shit starts to get hard and you want to give up, because guess what? many people have been through some shit, your’s is not the worse case scenario. It is okay to go through dark times, and cry, and be mad.. but don’t make me feel like the monster who did it to you.. because I am only here to be supportive and help. For ex. “You have no idea what I have been through.. blah blah blah..” chances are I have been through some shit too, just different story. 
  • Don’t go into fitness comparing your results to other people’s results= this will end in disaster and make you even more anxiety ridden. This isn’t about competing against another person, this is about making yourself happy with yourself. 
  • To get your body right, have to have your mind right – balance is important. You might be strong physically but are you strong mentally.. this makes a difference, trust me. You might be lifting 500 lb squats but if you don’t have a good mindset , you won’t lift it.. because you don’t believe in yourself nor your capabilities and you have allowed your mind to keep your body from achieving. 
  • Don’t worry what others think of you, because chances are, they aren’t paying you any attention in the first place – if they are, they aren’t doing what they need to be doing (which is focusing on their own journey)
  • Don’t talk to us (people in the fitness industry)  like we are gods/goddesses, we aren’t. We enjoy compliments, but don’t forget we are human too, we have flaws, we have bad days and we struggle just like you do and when I am PMSing, I get bloated too, our abs don’t keep us from dying ya know.. we are HUMAN 🙂 
  • Don’t worry about lifting the heaviest weights and running the furthest distance – do you. Whatever you can do, do it and do it well.

If you want respect from us, respect us. Not all of us are the same, and I sure the hell don’t want to be a stereotype, I am Shay-lon and if you want to stereotype me to make yourself feel good, then do it, but don’t be shocked when you find out I don’t meet your expectations. Fitness isn’t about being the strongest, fastest, most athletic person in the world, fitness is about finding that burning desire to create something amazing out of yourself and conquering the very thing that kept you from starting in the first place. If you don’t know what fitness is about, the find out.. from someone who does. 

 

Thank you for reading,

 

Your Fitness Blogger,

Shay-lon xxx

(MLK Day) – I grew up dealing with racism, but I never stopped loving others because of it.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day 🙂

 

It is apparent that Dr. Martin Luther King had a dream, one that he had hoped would happen with combating negativity with peace and love and not anger. Many of us were not born during the civil rights movement to know the kind of pain, the kind of “fight” black people  had to put up, in order to find that equality, in order to call every nationality our brothers, our sisters. Many of us now are still fighting that fight in order to be accepted among other cultures and nationalities. People say they don’t judge, people say they only know of love, people say they don’t see color, but people show so much different sometimes. This blog post will discuss my fight, my obstacles, and how I managed to become the strong, independent, black woman I am today in a world full of so much hate, full of so much hurt, full of so much loss, full of so much tears and so much death. 

 

For starters, I grew up in an all white community (Findlay, Ohio) but was born in Cincinnati Ohio. , being the only black female on my sports teams, my choir, my neighborhood, my school many times, and among my group of friends growing up. To me, it was normal, because I didn’t know anything else. I didn’t know what diversity really was because I was used to being in this small box, used to being the standout, used to being the dark face in a picture. I brought up and raised on love, acceptance and to be people’s friend because who they are and not because of how much money they had, what they looked like or because they chose to be different. My mom never taught hate, she never told me to be mean because they didn’t “look like me”,  she wanted me to be polite to my elders and give respect to my teachers and make friends with people who bring positivity to my life and gave me a solid foundation to stand on my own when things got tough. The hardest thing for me was to stand on my own when things got tough & things did get tough for me, they sure did but don’t pity me, for what I am about to tell you is only to enlighten you on my life and give you my eyes for a day, my thoughts for a day and fears for a day.  For none of this is worse than anyone else’s obstacles. 

 

I believe my first bout with racism was when I was in 5th grade at Lincoln Elementary school in Findlay, Ohio. I was on the playground at recess, probably playing kickball or something and a school mate decided to call me “Nigger”, she was so sure of herself that she called me “nigger” more than once. I didn’t know what to do or say, I was not a confrontational child and I didn’t understand why someone would call me “nigger” when my mom always taught my brother and I to never say that word. In 5th grade you have an idea of what racism is, but because I was the only black kid in the school, I guess I thought it wouldn’t be such an issue since most of these kids I had knew since diapers. That same day, I cried. I felt defeated because while she was laughing at me and my weakness, I decided to do “the right thing” which was tell the principal, and my mom came to the school and in her mind I probably should have punched the chick in her face for being so damn ignorant but I didn’t. The principal dealt with it “accordingly” I suppose, she might have gotten suspended (I still remember her name, but will not mention for her sake). That same day I had to walk home and as I was walking home, her family and herself were in a vehicle and pulled up in front of me, to threaten me. Again, scared. I just allowed them to say whatever they had to say and waited for them to drive away before continuing home. This was my 1st bout with racism.

 

My second bout with racism was in 5th grade, but it was a little odd, some guy in my classes thought it would be funny to make jokes about black people and would say “nigger” repeatedly, not outloud for the teacher to hear but more like under his breath and in whispers.. and he would just say some really stupid things, that would make hardly any sense but for some reason he got off on that.. and I still til this day do not understand why – I don’t believe I ever told my mom about this incident nor a teacher but I wanted to many times because after awhile it just got unnerving and he was fucking annoying. I don’t think he was calling me a “nigger”, well I believe he did once but I ignored it, because after awhile you just get used to it, when someone makes it their mission to call you names that offend you because of your skin color. It hardly makes any fucking sense why his ass did this but he made it so it was an ongoing teasing game and I just ignored it all the time. Sometimes I wish I would have had the balls to punch him in the throat, I can only hope he has grown up since then.. or someone kicked his ass finally. 

 

3rd bout with racism – 6th grade (middle school), I had a HUGE crush on this guy at school, for a while he didn’t know but man did I go “goo goo gaga” over him – he was like my ultimate crush, I swear I was all about him! haha. We weren’t friends but he was friends with some of my friends at the time, well one of my friends made it their mission to tell him that I had a crush on him because she knew him very well, and I didn’t really want her to tell him but at the same time I was like.. eh.. why not. I thought the most that would happen would be he reject me by saying he had no interest and then I would have to move on. WELL.. he rejected me alright but in one of the worse ways possible in order to make a point – which pissed me off and hurt me really bad. He said something about me being a dirty fence (referencing my color) and I was ugly and how he thought I was poop on a fence or something of that nature. I mean .. I guess when you have to choose between being called nigger, or being referenced as dirt on a fence or worse poop on a fence, you really don’t know which is worse; especially in a school where no one understood the hurt like I did, the way I did. He said it at the damn lunch table for everyone to hear too, which made me feel that much more beaten down. Some laughed and of course he laughed too, but I didn’t laugh. I didn’t find it funny at all. That made my self esteem really low. 

 

My fourth bout with racism- Was in 7th grade, I played basketball and was on the basketball team, well I was the ONLY black girl on our basketball team. Which again didn’t bother me too much but I didn’t know very many people at this school, so it was different for me. In 6th grade I played basketball but my team didn’t give me shit about my race nor did the coach either. I actually was friends with some of the people on the team at the time and it made me more comfortable. Well 7th grade, I was kind of put on the spot multiple times. When a teacher is asking you what it is like to be in slavery and you don’t know the answer (and she replies with, how do you not know) .. or when the coach decides to not play you for the majority of the games even though you are good, or when someone references their tan comparing to your skin tone and making sly comments at you about “how they don’t wish to be that dark” and someone else telling them that they look black and they reply with “ew, no” .. 

 

5th bout with racism- 8th grade, I had a coach’s assistant (classmate) throw salt in my hair in a bus so she could get a laugh at how the salt looked like bugs in “black people’s hair” – I don’t know.. I did nothing about it, again being a little bitch and wanting to fit in, I just let shit happen. My mom was pissed to say the least. I mean extremely pissed off. That probably made her blood pressure rise pissed off. 

 

9th grade, being called a “black white girl” like sure this seems like it is okay, right? you would assume it is is okay, that people make this into a compliment. In their eyes, I was black in color but acted like a white girl (whatever this is supposed to mean) the ignorance was unreal.. and I not knowing any better or understanding just allowed people to make this reference, because they liked that I wasn’t the stereotypical black chick.. they liked that I was prim and proper and didn’t dress like I came from Compton, they adored that I had long hair and wore american eagle, they loved that my words made sense and all because of my color, I couldn’t be just Shay-lon, I had to be the “black white girl”. 

 

10th and 11th grade. Mostly 10th though. By this time I had moved to Texas and attended a new school. It definitely was black people prominent but this didn’t make a difference because somehow I was still different in their eyes. The ignorance at this school was huge when it came to being a different kind of black .. god because I wasn’t raised in the hood and didn’t wear certain clothing or talk a certain way or walk a certain way or fuck all the black men in the school or because I didn’t have a HUGE ass or because my hair wasn’t fake and didn’t text like a gangsta or because I wasn’t a gang member or because I was wearing american eagle instead of baby phat jeans.. I mean seriously.. the ignorance was outrageous!!!! Black girls treated me like shit and for what reason? because I was different!!! my own fucking race.. had to talk down to me, make me feel inferior and make me feel unwanted in order to make a point about where I was from and who I was. The only love I got was when I was playing basketball, it was my outlet. Black guys were no better,, calling each other “nigga and negro” and me wondering why anyone would say that to another human being.  I didn’t belong anywhere anymore. 

 

12 grade I moved to Colorado and didn’t deal with very little to no racism and little to none ignorance. It was diverse and people were accepting of me at the school. I felt like I didn’t have to live in the unknown and didn’t have to question my level of worth because of who I was and what I looked like.  It was a nice change.

 

When I moved back to Findlay, Ohio 4.5-5 years later. I transferred jobs and was the only black person working at the store after one black man was fired. I think for the most part I was treated decently, I don’t think people gave me too much of a hard time in that store when it came to race – at least not to my knowledge. When I got a second job in town, I had another bout with racism when a customer called me a “nigger”, and I was much older and much wiser, I gave this dude a piece of my mind and afterwards told my boss and started crying and was super pissed off. For the first time in my life, I stood up for myself – I was happy I did, because I was sick of being called something out of my name, sick of people thinking it is okay to do so and sick of letting it happen and not doing shit about it. 

 

Since this time, my bouts have been slim to none. Doesn’t mean it won’t happen again, doesn’t mean my life was horrible, just means it took me a long time to finally accept me for me and it took me longer to stand up for myself. I have allowed things to happen because I was raised to love and raised to be respectful and raised to only fight when necessary and to be strong and be brave but many times over, I wasn’t brave and I wasn’t strong and I allowed people to make my race an issue, make my lifestyle an issue, make my clothes an issue, make me an issue. When the REAL issue was those people didn’t like me for me because they didn’t have the same kind of love in their hearts for others different than themselves. This was hard for me to write because it was long and it hit on things that angered me growing up. I know black people aren’t the only ones being bullied or called racist names, I know other cultures and nationalities get shitted on, but I am black and this is my story, 

 

Martin Luther King Jr didn’t have a dream that we would abuse the word “nigga” and make it a thing for ONLY certain people to use but get mad when others start chiming in, he didn’t have a dream that our own race would turn their backs on one another because of how they looked or where they came from. His dream wasn’t to put down others who were different from ourselves, he didn’t have a dream that we would be in turmoil, he didn’t have a dream in hopes that racism, slavery, and hate would come full circle again. His dream aimed to unite people from different backgrounds, his dream was to get away from anger and hate and stem from love and peace, his dream was for people to see color but to not make light of it, his dream was for us to be BETTER people, to spread kindness, joy, love, equality, and give people a home no matter what race they were, feed them no what race they were, educate them no matter what race they are, and teach them about his dream and to practice what we preach. It’s too bad he isn’t alive now, because he would be proud to know that the world has gotten better since his death, but he would cry at the pain some still endure. 

 

“I have decided to stick with love, hate is too great of a burden to bear” – Martin Luther King Jr. 

 

Shay-lon