I don’t live my life to Appease you

Not anymore.

It is within our nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to “fit in” and feel like we can have a common place with someone else. We strive to be this person that people can say they like, talk highly about and want to be around on a more constant basis. It’s almost like we do things in order to prove we are worthy of these things, but what for? because popularity is a form of what we would consider “love”, and people like feeling loved — and cared for. It’s without a doubt, a great indicator of who we are and how we perceive ourselves because in the mist of wanting to be this “popular” buzz, we find out what sacrifices we had to make in order to appease the crowd & how those same sacrifices effect our character. Sometimes by being the “crowds favorite person” you find out that you had to sell your soul to the devil (metaphorically speaking) and once you decide to sell yourself short in order to gain a couple new friends, you don’t get to make another bargain. It’s a final sale & there are no refunds, you gave away yourself in order to buy a new face — you prided yourself for the amount of people who speak about you, but not everyone stays around long enough to meet the real you, when you finally have had a enough exhaustion for one day & need a break from it all, you have to remember it comes with a losing sacrifice, you lose out on the people you gained and you lost the ones who accepted you without change — but because of your greedy mind and wishful thinking, you have nobody at the end of this tunnel if you don’t stick with this mask that made you phenomenal. 

I created this writing as a piece to dedicate to myself & to those who have or once had lived to appease. They lived their lives constantly wanting someone to notice them, wanting to be their friend, wanting to be apart of something grand because for so long they weren’t happy with what they had, even if what they had was pure. Sometimes we want to strive for bigger & better but not always is this the best path, it can come with consequences if you don’t read the small bold print at the bottom of the contract and has its been known to change a person’s character and scar them. For we don’t get to choose who we meet, but if who we meet changes who we are for the worst, than maybe we need to reconsider how we go about letting people in. To appease someone else by changing yourself is like living a life with half truths. Not everyone was meant to like you, the true you, some will deem it “not good enough” ; but what isn’t good enough for them was good enough for those who stayed by your side no matter your flaws. If ONLY one person deemed you “good enough” , that one person is worthy of your love because that one person didn’t ask you to conform but instead asked you to be yourself in exchange for their true selves. We don’t have to unmask ourselves to see the face, we only have to question if who we really are, is the mask we put on everyday. Don’t live to appease, live to be loved and to be cared for 100 percent, live to be you, live to be true and never live to fit in because tears will flood the eyes who have reached their own demise. 

Shay-lon

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think in the comment section & if you are a fan of these spoken verses, please feel free to share with your peers, like this page and follow my blog. 

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It’s Amazing What Your Happiness Can do

The title alone is built on a situation I endured at this new job (not a job I intend on staying long at, but one that will help me save up more money so that I can eventually move next year to the bigger city). This situation happened about a week ago, but it carried on for another week (unintended) and not to due to myself, but due to other people’s motives and emotions and lack of understanding of the matter. I suppose every good lifestyle blogger has to write about something real .. or “happening” & so I will make this new blog category worth your while as much as possible because I want to make sure it comes off real and gives you a sense of who I am but at the same time opens up conversation if need be. 

People tend to enjoy the depressed and upset ones — they find them vulnerable and weak and assume that if they are already at their low, it would be easy to keep them there. That’s what one of my co-workers assumed; and I finally decided instead of being pissed off and shitty towards people, I would instead be seemingly nice, and ignore the co-workers gestures and snide comments to belittle me (all in the name of situation that didn’t involve him in the first place or effect him) but in due time I decided to make my manager aware of the things this co-worker was doing to get a rise out of me, and after the manager had a good old conversation with him, I imagine he just became more bitter towards me and would continue to be an asshole towards me. That’s when I decided to change my perspective and give myself a better setting; I decided to smile and talk to people and ignore the co-worker’s ignorance and continue to do well at work. When this co-worker seen how many people were talking to me again and how I was not effected by his low blows & belittling comments, he finally felt compelled to apologize for offending me and making me feel uncomfortable. I think back to the fact that I was angry because of how many people were being rude towards me due to a situation that occurred that was blown out of proportion but because people listen to rumors instead of truths, they didn’t want to see my side of things when it happened. I started to ignore people, not smile and show no personality at work just to get through the shift because it was upsetting me having to endure such unkindness & that made my life worse because then people would continue to be rude towards me back and more unkind or unwilling to speak to me. After many efforts of being negative, I decided to come to work with a new attitude and in my surprise it worked for me, people were kind, willing to chat and very receptive towards me and the drama that occurred in the first place seemed forgotten for the time being. 

The moral of the story is, when I chanced coming to work with a bright mind & attitude, and started talking to people, it changed their attitude towards me & it gave someone a reason to apologize when they seen I was no longer going to allow them to affect me and my mood. I can’t say everyone was genuine, but it made work more enjoyable to pretend that they were. 

Starting a new job is never always an easy task (I have now been there 60 days and close to 90 days at the end of this month) a 2nd job that I got to help me save up more money for moving next year. I am not someone who enjoys drama and when you work with people who feed off drama, it can make work challenging at times and make you a bitter person, but I have learned that sometimes instead of being bitter and having a negative mindset — changing over to a better perspective, smiling and being friendly can make a whole lot of a difference. Food for thought. 

Random thought — & I just might do it!

It came to me.. & so I have decided to share it with you. 

 

So basically I have decided to take on a 365 day self-discovery impromptu questions — that will help me to hopefully get started on my journey to learning more about myself and what it means to be me. I know each year I will have different answers, and different reasons and experiences — which is why each year I plan on doing this — maybe same questions and maybe different questions. Who knows, all I know is, I want to watch myself unravel (both on paper and online). I know my blog is a fitness/health/wellness based blog & I don’t want that to be sidelined but I have always talked about mental health importance and I feel this fits in with it. Especially for myself. I need to self heal from wounds, I need to find myself and try not to lose grasp of what’s important to me due to other people not accepting it. I need to rediscover parts of me that I have been avoiding for years & try to grow myself from within to have a balance. I realize I will have bad days, and those can’t be avoided 100 percent but now it’s about coping with the bad days and finding a reason to look forward but not hold a longevity grudge that keeps my mind hostage. I don’t want to be held hostage in my own mind and I don’t want to hold myself back from opportunities that could arise here & now or in the near future. 

Along with this self journaling I will be doing, I am going to be on a spiritual walk as well — as best as I can because I am human. This doesn’t mean I am going to be attending church or reading bible scriptures each day of the week — that’s not on my agenda. I just mean I am going to try to do a prayer daily (and not only when I have bad days) but also when the day is good & I am grateful for the fruits of my labor. Along with this spiritual venture, I have decided to give meditation another go and really implement it daily so that I have some form of mental coping mechanisms and clarity more often when I am feeling overwhelmed/stressed/angry/sad, etc. It won’t be easy because I am used to being part of the hustle and bustle but I am going to give it a go and see where what becomes of it. The goal is to post what meditation I did (duration, teacher, explanation & feelings towards it) and how it might have helped or didn’t help me or what I got from it/learned. Again I know this is odd considering the basis of most my post have more to do with the fact I am in a gym, but I needed to add something new for me & hopefully all of you will enjoy it as well. Not to mention, once my website is running, these are some of the “challenges” I will be writing on my personal training site as well so that my readers can get to know me on a less superficial basis and my clients can somewhat understand me. I don’t know how it will all play out, but I am positive something good will come from this. Especially if I plan on doing it for a long time. 

I will continue to post my normal postings, so don’t feel as though I will neglect those, I won’t. I want to enhance my blog to a more lifestyle/fitness/health and wellness blog where it can cover multitudes of body and mind & not just one side of it. I am new to talking about deeper routed issues, so some questions may be harder than others, but I will give it my all. As far as meditation goes, I want to make it into a 365 day challenge as well — with sticking with it and implementing it daily (this will keep me accountable for both). 

&& on a random note, I have been reading more again, & so I may every once in a while post a book I have read and some insight,  those will probably be part of my thursday thoughts post.. since my blog is not a readers digest , lol.  Thank you for being an awesome audience & again, I hope all of you will enjoy the new adventure… it will begin Monday! 

Shay-lon