365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Relationships

7.07.19

Day 48

Have your views on love changed since you were a teenager? If so, why?

  • As a teenager, I don’t think I was too worried about “love” until I was possibly 18.. and anything before that age, I don’t think I had a good grasp on the concept — it was more so lust or the feeling of wanting to be loved by someone. I would have to say my views have changed some due to the fact I have dated more people/had more relationships, observed other people’s relationships and dynamics, I am more open minded, and I have had time to look back on some of my previous relationships and friendships .. which helped to give me clarity and some understanding. I don’t think it is bad that my views might have changed, I think he shows my growth. 
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365 Days of self Discovery: Your Relationships

7.01.19

Day 42

Is there a relationship in your life that you would like to change? How would you change it?

There are a few relationships in my life currently that I would like to change — all of which needed changed years ago but still haven’t reached the point where I am satisfied, more like content because it has improved but not more than a little steps forward and 100 steps backwards. 

  1. The relationship between me and my younger brother (24) — we are 3 years apart so we have grown up together and I feel as though our relationship/bond is not there; it is forced or neglected. I have raised my hand and tried to connect & find a way to bond but he pushes it away or ignores it and it sucks because I think as siblings, we should be a lot closer than what we are & I always hope he will eventually jump on board or at least TRY, but fails to do so for whatever reason. Neither one of us is perfect but our relationship is not healthy– it is more or less a battle that has been going on for years & instead of displaying it for the world to see, we tend to hide it and pretend nothing is wrong– I feel as though he has grown to be more arrogant in general but especially towards me, he feels more superior and thinks everything he says is right, he has the support of my mom (which is another not great relationship I have), he lacks any form of respect towards me as human and finds joy in making me feel like crap most of the time. I’d love to get to the point where we can hang out and really be involved in each others lives but so far it hasn’t happened. 
  2. The relationship between my mom and myself, this one has shown improvement but again not enough where it stays consistent. I feel as though my mom will always have conditions for her love when it comes to me compared to my sibling. It shows and it gets old and my grandmother witnesses it & while I do love my mom and wouldn’t wish anything bad to happen to her, I feel myself steady detaching myself from her and my younger brother & unless something changes between now and the next year, I will find myself without either one of them being apart of my life due to my own choice because I don’t want a relationship like this for the rest of my life, and I need positive supportive people in my life who love me without conditions & don’t have me feeling like I have to constantly prove myself worthy of their love. 
  3. The relationship with one or both of my cousins — we don’t have a relationship really, because we don’t talk besides the holidays and even then, not much is said between us & I want that to change but honestly, I don’t know how I would go about it at this rate because I don’t know if I am willing to make the first move in hopes they take to it. I would agree that I should be the bigger person or TRY but at the same time, I get sick of trying and failing or feeling like I am overextending myself to be let down or made a fool at the end of the road. I think when it comes to this relationship, I would like to see her make the first move and hopefully I am receptive of it in return. 
This was a good question indeed, it really made me analyze the type of relationships I have with my family & friends honestly & it also made me aware of what would need to be done in order for it to be salvaged or maintained in a healthy way. I like to hope by this time next year, all three of these relationships are better and have shown great improvement or steps towards it and I will have positive things to share but I can’t hold my breathe. I don’t like playing victim but at the same time I don’t like taking fault for things that I didn’t choose to do & I would like for my family members to take some form of responsibility in this and at least try to talk about it with me or make some form of change that opens a door for discussion & peace. 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Relationships

6.19.19

Day 30

Who do you love unconditionally?

  • My family members (mom, siblings, grandparents, etc)
  • God, my faith and father
  • close friends
  • the majority of people who have entered my life at some point and impacted it in a positive way or helped to guide me towards success 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Relationships

6.18.19

Day 29

Who do you look up to?

  • There used to be a time I would have a list of people whom I considered role models, including my mom because something about these people made me want to be more like them when I “grew up” but now, when this question comes my way, I don’t list names because I realized the type of people I look up to are those who 
  1. Have done something positive without looking to reap reward or an applause, something positive for others (small or big)
  2. someone who knows what it’s like to struggle for a duration of time; maybe even thought about throwing in the towel but instead of giving up, they managed to overcome their obstacles and make something of themselves & use their growth and journey as a way to teach others and inspire others and give people hope. 
  3. People who have impacted the world in a positive way
  4. those who have worked hard in order to reach success
  5. those who are realist — see the world for what it is and don’t sugar coat things 
  6. people who were against the odds with their back against the wall that continued to fight instead of made into a victim. 
  7. people who choose love over hate in any situation because that’s hard to do when you’ve been through some crap
  8. people who can forgive easily — I struggle with this a lot myself. 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Your relationships

Day 21

Think about your past romantic relationships. What lessons did you learn from them? What did each person bring to your life?

  • I haven’t had many past relationships and I would say about 1-2 probably didn’t bring much to my life, if anything — and something not worth mentioning but I would say the past 2 people I dated I learned something different from each of them and yet some similar things as well because I made the same mistake in both relationships. I think of the more important things I learned in this most recent past relationship was that in order to have a stable, healthy relationship with some, both parties need to have a stable & healthy mindset, both have to be in a good place in their lives and bring forth their own happiness before relying on another to do the same & I also learned to not give so much of myself to someone all at once and so fast because it doesn’t allow things to grow; stop rushing the process of the relationship & allow things to happen naturally in their own flow. Each of my exes were different and they brought me something different at different periods of my life — I don’t think I know what those things were yet, or maybe I have an idea but it hasn’t hit me like a stone wall because I haven’t given much thought to the question in the recent years. I know for the most part, they each brought me closer to realizing my mistakes in how I handle and manage negativity in my life, they each managed to teach me to look at my own flaws and figure out to better manage them so they don’t hinder a relationship from growing or prospering. How I wish I would have been more aware back when.