365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

Day 7

What do you need to let go of?

  • The past
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Goodbye 2018 — Walking Down Memory Lane

I’ll Never Forget…

  1. The Friends I made — Thank you for coming into my life & supporting my goals, dreams and for being a friend to me during good and bad times — Ya’ll are the real MVPs. 
  2. The family get together’s — The memories I shared with all of my family that were part of my 2018, I love you guys & so happy and blessed that you guys made it through another year with me. 
  3. The job changes — I had to do what I needed to do to make things happen and I learned when you aren’t happy doing something, you have the power to change it, just have to look for other opportunities that will help build you & I also learned to not always jump at every opportunity because sometimes things need to be thought out before hopping on board — even if it means missing out. There will be other doors that will open, be patient.
  4. Having been hacked on social media — Thanks for hacking me hackers, ya’ll made it so I could start from scratch and challenged me mentally because after losing all my following, my pictures, my memories, etc, I didn’t think I would ever give it a go again because it just seemed to difficult of a task BUT GUESS WHAT? I did it! I started over and while I am no where near where I was to begin with, I am going to keep going after it. It  feels somewhat good to have to refresh and refocus my attention on building my business and empire once more — just don’t hack me again because I was extremely traumatized the first time, LOL
  5. Break ups & make ups — I am still single and while I wasn’t necessarily ready to have another long term relationship this year due to being stuck on an ex from 2017, I decided to do some dating around & learned that by lowering my standards, I am only hurting myself and the other person because I know what I need in a partner and as long as it is realistic, I should keep to it. I almost got myself in a relationship I didn’t want to be in due to me feeling bad after they poured out their liking for me. I lost their friendship but it was worth it if it means I don’t have to feel pressure to start a committed relationship with this person.I just have to learn to be patient, I am still young, there is no rush for love and as long as I have good friends, good family surrounding me and a positive outlook on life — I know when the timing is right, the person will walk in. 
  6. Seeing my ex from 2017 at a festival for the first time since our break up & contacting her on Thanksgiving —Nothing prepared me for this moment and I don’t think I could have prepared for it even if I had knew ahead of time she would be there. That was hard situation for me, because we don’t have a friendship and seeing her there with one of her exes was shocking but at least I knew she for sure moved on. When I contacted her on Thanksgiving aka her birthday, it was only because it was on my heart to apologize to her — and she answered and was very pleasant about it .. it made me smile a little to know she had my number still and appreciated the apology. I thought maybe I would get an apology as well, but couldn’t be as lucky LOL anyways, maybe I can finally move on mentally from that relationship and allow myself to be free of the pain now. I guess I got the most closure  I will get from it.
  7. Starting my own business & website — Neither is perfect and both will need work but hey, I am glad I did it, that’s the first step before anything else, hopefully 2019 allows for more big things for my business/website as a personal trainer.
  8. New places I visited— Nothing crazy like years prior but a few new places & I love travelling so I want to do it more often each year; starting in 2019! 
  9. Hitting a PR in my conventional deadlift at 305 lbs –– Huge deal to me, who knew I would hit 300 this year, so hopefully 400 will be the next big thing for 2019
  10. I read some good books —  I took some time to get a library card from our town library and then made time for reading & got to read some good books from Stephen King, I read the “Broke Milenninial” book — it was good too, I read some relationship building books & those were helpful and some of my inspiration for doing the 365 day self discovery post
  11. Paid off a credit card — yay! I was so happy when I paid off a credit card and my FICO score increased! 
  12. Paid off my car – Another big Hooray for me! I now own it & it saves me money and feels good, I am finally adulting — small bit.
  13. My points from tickets have fallen off  & no car accidents — I feel like this is awesome because at one point I had 6 points (half way til I was suspended) from getting speeding tickets. lol but now I drive much better and do little speeding. & having no accidents is always a good thing! 
  14. New songs I have fallen love with — added to my spotify playlist — I loved some of the new music I have heard this year, added many of them on my spotify account (I am huge into music)
  15. Went to my FIRST Metal band/Scream O concert – Who knew I would like this type of music, but I learned that some of it is actually really good when I understand what they are saying or can relate to the rage
  16. I have a savings account again — and have money in it, good amount of money in it and I am now more accountable with adding money to it weekly or biweekly 🙂 it feels good! 
  17. I finished watching all of the Game of thrones series: && I am excited for the new season to start in April! I love the show! 
  18. I went to the movie theater alone — It was on my bucket list of things I wanted to do, and I did it! was excited because it wasn’t as bad as thought it would have been — it was fine 😀 I survived. 
  19. Still blog — Hey! I am still on wordpress and blogging, another year to be thankful for keeping at it and loving it. 
  20. The many things I overcame to be here right now.. I’ll never forget those obstacles 
  21. Went to Cedar point for the first time since like middle school & took my youngest brother for the first time — He loved it, and I enjoyed it. I am a wimp but always get on rollercoasters anyways and he enjoyed himself on the coasters and was just as scared as me but was very brave! ❤ 
Happy New Year’s 

365 days of self discovery Day 14

Who is your biggest inspiration & why?

As a child, it used to be a great number of people, people that I had looked up to; activist, athletes, family members, etc but as I have grown older, I don’t have that ONE person anymore or the list of people. Now the people that inspire me are those that have been significant in any part of my life (whether it be a public figure, or an everyday person) in some way they have added something positive in my life.  Even if I don’t speak to the person any longer.  The list grows because people have come & go throughout my life but some of which have been lessons, experiences, memories & long term friendships or short term relationships – not everyone has inspired me (few people have) but those few people gave me something to take away and learn from or later use in life. 

Tell me, do any of you have someone that has inspired you? Someone that is important to you & why? Leave an answer in the comment section, and don’t forget to like, follow and share! 

1 Year Job Anniversary

Yesterday was my one ONE year anniversary at the gym I am currently working at. Time flies when you least expect it and it doesn’t even feel like one year, I made this post in honor of the hard work I have done there but also in honor of the opportunities it has opened up to me along the way (big and small). I had always wanted to work at a gym, but was too nervous to apply for a job because at the time I wasn’t certified in personal training and felt as though I wouldn’t be good enough. Thankfully I took the dive and worked the front desk and got to know customers, made new friendships and even became close to the owner of the gym, which in the long run will be good for my resume and future pursuits. I am blessed that even though I wasn’t certified at the time, she allowed me to train clients and get the experience I needed so when it came time to train people once certified I would feel more comfortable. She believed in me, and that is what I appreciated most about this owner/boss, is the fact she believed in me and trusted me. 

 

I have dealt a great amount of responsibility since working at the gym — I close and open the gym on my own many times, I am trusted to train clients during my own schedule since becoming certified (I was certified by ACSM in April 2017) and she knows I get the job done when needed. I still work the front desk but I also train people when given the opportunity, and while I am still learning and still working on building my list of clients, I know if I had not made the plunge, I never would have opened this door in my life. While I do plan on moving at some point to a bigger city, this has lent me more experience to add to my resumes, and professional references to list. I love my job at the gym, I love coming to work and being part of this small team of employees. She has been the best boss anyone could ask for, one of my favorites to be honest and one of the most kindest and sincere people I’ve met. I have learned a lot about my boss through conversation, and I believe she has learned quite a lot about me as well. I have leaned some things about owning a gym through watching her interact with customers, and having asked questions to get a better understanding of how things work in a business point of view. I dream of one day possibly owning my own gym, and hopefully all the good qualities she has and the hard work she has put into her gym, I can take with me when it comes time for me to run my own business. 

 

I am so very thankful of this job – I work part time due to another job, but in working part time, it still has helped me financially recover and helped me to grow inside and outside in both my physical training and my social skills and my mentality as well. Sadly, she is looking to sell her gym after 10 years, for reasons I won’t go into — regardless of where things go from here on out with the gym, all I know is this 1 year has been one of the better experiences in my life. When it comes time to either shut the gym down or go under new ownership, it won’t be easy to adjust and it might take some time before it hits me hard enough to where I start to tear up a bit but it will be a chapter in my life that will forever hold a meaningful place in my heart. 

 

Thank you to all those at the gym who have pushed me to do better, who have been supportive, who have been more than gym goers, but like family to me. thank you to the owner/my boss for putting up with my stressful days and for being patient with me, for being kind, for trusting me, for allowing me to work for your company, for teaching me new things, allowing me to be myself at work and for granting me the opportunity of training clients with and without a certification. I am so very honored I had the chance to make this gym my second home 😀

 

Shay-lon 

Birthday Weekend Recap

I finally turned the big 26 on Thursday (3-22-18) and wanted to share how fun the experience was this year to be around different people and share moments/memories. I don’t typically have the chance to take a  bunch of pictures when I am celebrating, but I love writing about it because this is my way of keeping them alive. 

 

Thursday was the start of my birthday and it was a huge surprise to have my mom come to the gym with a cake to wish me a happy birthday. I also, got to spend it with a few gym friends during a workout. I also went out of town to meet up with a friend and she bought me dinner for my bday 🙂

 

Friday- I worked all day, but a friend came down to spend the weekend with me from out of town, that was wonderful. 

 

Saturday- I had a dinner get together at Texas Roadhouse with friends and family members, the food was good and we shared some fun conversation. After dinner, my friend and I got invited to go out of town and to some local bars — we drove a hour away to her friend’s house and then made some stops to pick others up and headed to some bars. I didn’t get drunk by any means, but that was fine by me, I danced and had some shots and just enjoyed what life had to offer me. We got home around 2 in the morning and I had to work the next morning, so we fell right to sleep. 

 

Sunday- I woke up in pain and it sucked, I had to call off work for the first time since working for the company for 5 years in April (this April), it wasn’t planned this way, but thankfully my job understood my health condition and allowed me the day off. I slept all day pretty much, but when I woke up I tried to have something to eat and played some board games with my friend for a while & then shared some conversation and they left later that night. 

 

Overall my birthday weekend was everything I could imagine at turning 26, and I am happy I was so involved with people — I want to do a special thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday on all my social media platforms, I definitely feel blessed! 

 

-Shay-lon

Happy Thanksgiving – What are you thankful for?

Thanksgiving, Happy Thanksgiving, Acorn

I know this seems a bit “cliche” but I figure, there is no other way to spend this Holiday. If you don’t celebrate this holiday, you can still do this activity, because it should be everyday that we are thankful for something. I thought about doing a special “Thanksgiving” video, but I had just woken up and decided no one wants to see this! lol. Instead I decided to write this blog post instead. Please reblog it, and share it with your readers, I am hoping it gets to as many people as possible… a chain reaction! – Shay-lon Moss

Tell me readers, what are YOU thankful for? – It can be one thing or many things, it can be people, objects, relationships, etc. There is no limit to this. I would love to come back from my weekend away and read everything all of you have said you are thankful for.  Let this be a reminder, what being thankful actually means: Please & relieved, expressing gratitude. 

I will start this off with what I am thankful for.. 

  1. For being able to see 24 years of my life
  2. Spending another Thanksgiving with my loved ones
  3. Having the courage to create this blog – and speaking to wonderful people
  4. Family & Friends 

Of course the list could go on and on and on.. but it is now your turn.. WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Everyone! 

Your blogger friend,

Shay-lon Moss

Crying in a pool full of tears

relationship-unknown

It’s scary to think it was just a month ago, I had found someone who made me feel alive and wanted for the first time in a long time.  It will be almost two months and I never thought for a second I would be at this point in the relationship where I am faking a smile, burying my head in pillows, and feeling less than my best on a constant basis. See, my partner and I click well, we have this ultimate relationship, this firework, this bolt of lightening that can grasp the attention of others. Nothing in a relationship is perfect, hell we live 4 hours away from one another and make it work because we care about each other and enjoy seeing one another. I got lucky with this one, blessed with this one, not letting go of this one, can’t get them off my mind kind of person and yet you are wondering why I am “drowning in a pool of tears”? My partner just figured out that they may have PTSD from their past relationship (they were in a mentally abusive relationship prior to dating me) and they didn’t realize how it would effect them now in this relationship, but they mentioned their tolerance would be low and they would be in “moods”, “not knowing what they want”, and random “sadness, annoyed, frustrated” etc. My ex had PTSD as well, and I was able to handle it for the most part, but everyone is different, nothing is the same for everyone, I even have a friend with PTSD and she was able to help me understand it in such a way that made sense. Now, my partner did her research (not see a specialist) and figures it would have to be the answer, but it could be a multitude of things, but nonetheless, I trust them. I decided to do my own research of it to refresh my mind and it can be difficult for relationships, friendships, life, etc, but I decided I could stick through this, because I care about them very much.  I let them know they could count of me for support and I would stay by their side no matter how bad it gets, and I continue to make that promise, because I refuse to give up on them.  

Normally, I am not the type to blast everything over the internet about my business, but sometimes I need to vent and instead of talking to someone one-on-one, I blog about it or write about it, not for the advice or help, but in hopes it releases the pressure from my brain and others can relate to my story.  My partner asked me for a break, space and told me to calm down.. as if they knew I would panic (which I would have, if I had not been sick at the time), I felt weak, I felt at fault, I felt like I lost a bestfriend/my babe/my reason to smile most days. I reassure them that it was fine and that I understood, and would give them the space they needed, in hopes it would be helpful because I am not sure what they are going through or how they feel, but I imagine it had to be bad if it came down to this. Every relationship needs its space, needs its bumps and obstacles, some go through more than others. I decided to suck it up and be STRONG, suck up my tears and focus on my week ahead, suck it up and smile, suck it up and push through this because I have to, I have to know that this is temporary because I refuse to be negative. I had been doing good, getting good news from editors, and I tried to put my best face on to avoid questions, to avoid embaressment, to get by at work, I thought no one could see through my smile and recognize my worry, my tears from the previous night, the sad songs streaming through my mind and the lack of interest in conversation, but people seen, people asked, people shared their advice and people listened & didn’t laugh, it all helped but it didn’t mend. 

Friday will be a week since talking to my partner, I miss the good morning text, the goodnight calls, the counting down to see each other, the “have a good day at work”, I miss texting you telling you how beautiful you are, I miss giving you all my attention, I miss the quick good byes; talk to you after work kind of days, holding you close to me, being told “I am the only one you want”, having you as my go to when everything seemed upside down in my life, your advice. I realize we have bickered, but nothing worth being upset about for more than 5 minutes, I know you need this space babe, so I want to give it to you, I am not leaving your side and I am going to patiently await your return because I don’t give up, and because I miss you like crazy but I am strong, I am trying, I am here for you when you are ready.  This wasn’t meant to be easy, our relationship wasn’t meant to be perfect and I will continue to make mistakes and learn from them, but don’t you forget I am here, I am here. 

We had planned on me coming down Oct. 2nd, I have been praying and staying positive in hopes I will hear from them before then. “The strongest people are the ones who have been hurt and still manage to get up” -Shay-lon Moss

Yours Truly,

Shay-lon xoxo