Building a positive social circle

I plan on getting back to the podcast soon that I created (been away from it for 3 months) and so to keep things fresh, I will probably do the Tips Tuesday — and gradually get back into things, don’t want to overwhelm myself with too much because of all the extra stuff I am now taking on. With this being said, I created this tip months ago, and I figured it is very important — something we should all aim for & that is:

 

Building a positive social circle.

 

What this means, is choosing to surround yourself with people who help to build you, motivate you, encourage you, and support you. We all have had people in our circle at one point who seemed like the debbie downer or the one that constantly complains about life and all the downs but never sees any positive things from it — but maybe some of us have been the negative one in our own circle (if this is true, change your outlook .. in order to gain the positive circle you seek). This is excluding those of us with mental illnesses that might play a part in our mindset, but even so with that illness, finding people who appreciate you and give you hope and have a concern for you and your life as much as you have for them is a start in the right direction. 

 

I am not perfect by any means, but since growing up and becoming more mature and making better adult decisions, I have gotten better at being alone until I meet people who have a good impact in my life instead of being friends and accepting everyone in my circle — I had to learn to be more picky because I get discouraged easy and I deal with my own demons and having a negative person who constantly brings me down, only creates more issues in the long term for me. Something we have to learn to do, is be picky as to who we allow in our lives and who we allow to impact our lives. Down below I list some ways to build a positive social circle:

 
 
  1. Be PICKY! Don’t allow anyone in, make sound decisions. Not everyone needs to be your friend
  2. Change your outlook/attitude about yourself – when you have a more positive outlook on yourself, people tend to gravitate towards you and in turn you make more relationships that are good relationships
  3. Respect people- Respect goes a long way in life, if you can respect others, normally it means they will have mutual respect for you
  4. Be open minded: Open minded individuals tend to see within a person vs the outer layer, they want a deeper connection with someone and in turn you truly start to build a stronger bond
  5. Compliment someone: Giving someone a reason to smile can make a difference — people will feel appreciated & it can make your day knowing you made someone else’s day. People enjoy compliments, truths about themselves that maybe they don’t see within them, but hearing it from someone else gives them a reason to continue being awesome! A simple compliment can carry a lot of weight
  6. Don’t be self absorbed: I always say there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself BUT you don’t want your circle to get tired of learning about you, when you become self absorbed everything revolves around you and that shows others that you don’t have their best interest in mind. I will just add that, being self absorbed can lead to bad relationships because everybody wants a chance to shine and when you take someone’s limelight to shine back on yourself, it comes off as arrogant. 
  7. Confidence is needed: Confidence is a necessity because people feed off someone who is confident with who they are, you need to carry yourself like you are proud of being alive, proud of who you are and proud of where you came from because it is what makes you, you! You might have a bad past but it doesn’t mean you are bad person, and you might have flaws but flaws don’t make you less of a person. 
  8. Think before you speak: We get in a habit with saying whatever is on our minds, which isn’t always bad, but it can lead to bad outcomes if we don’t think about how to go about things. If you keep other people’s feelings in mind, then you will have better outcomes, telling the truth isn’t bad but its how you say it that can make the whole difference. Take others into consideration before speaking too much of your mind. 
  9. Don’t be “two faced”: We all know what it means to be two faced “someone who smiles in your face but will talk behind your back when you leave” , yes, that’s very dishonest, rude and immature. Grow up, if you want people in your circle who are positive, don’t make it hard on yourself by giving them a reason to not trust you or like you. 
  10. Find people with similar hobbies: It can pay off when you acquaint yourself with those who share the same interest and hobbies as you, this makes life a little easier but don’t disregard those who are opposite because many times they can give us new experiences and allow us to step outside our comfort level. 
  11. Be true to SELF: Be real, be authentic, and be yourself. Changing for others will either end badly or last for a short period of time because you will run into all walks of life and having to shift who you are for each person will get tiring — change is good if it makes you into a better person and develops you mentally and physically and spiritually but when it becomes a change in order to “fit in” with people or groups of people, it drains you, overwhelms you, and reduces your chances of making deeper connections with people. Not everyone will like you, but those who do like you, will be worth it because they will see the best in you — 
 

Building a circle isn’t about being “popular” and most liked, it is about building a meaningful bond with people who take the time to build that same bond with you. Building a positive circle isn’t about having to smile and be happy everyday, it’s about building a circle that allows for bad days but doesn’t dwell on them — Shay-lon Moss 

 

A circle can be small (2-3 close friends) or a bigger circle (5-10 friends), or your family members — it doesn’t matter how big or small it is, it’s a circle that has your back no matter how deep the water gets; they motivate, support, and uplift you– they give you truths but don’t slam you with bad vibes — Shay-lon Moss

 

Have something you want to add to this list, feel free to leave in the comment section! 

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How To Handle Your Gym-Intimidation

The Gym Can be scary for anyone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3y73bl-Q2OQ

This was my video on gym-intimidation, make sure to read the description box under the video as well. Thank you 🙂

I Am Only Human

Bound By Flaws.

For a first time in a long time.. 

 

It had occur to me that people see me as this “super human” amazing women who lifts heavy and walks with confidence and seemingly has her life together & everything she does just seems to be #goals (my blog, my workout, my future career, my online presence, physique, etc) & this scares me a little bit, actually a lot of bit. I mean granted I am thankful that I have inspired people, built relationships and rapport with people who now trust me enough to come to me with questions about fitness/health, have had a blog that went from 0 to hero in matter of months and that I tend to make people smile with my random comedic personality BUT what scares me is that people seem to think because of all this I did do, that they think they can’t do it. Like it took some magical pixie dust and oops the store ran out of it, so looks like no one else is capable of doing AMAZING things with their own life. 

 

I hate to give it to you like this.. BUT.. I am only human. That’s right, I came out the vagina the same way you did and I ended up on planet earth just like you. my baby self didn’t have a 6 pack and big arms, I surely wasn’t tying blogs at the age of 2 and I couldn’t have been that famous because I am still broke & I am willing to bet .. no one really even knows me besides family and friends and the people who know of me online. I could lie and say I am a HUGE deal but lets get real, I am not. Do I want to be? YES! because I have a lot to offer in my field and I know I am capable of GREAT things! I believe this. I know how hard I have to work in order to keep my physique in top notch if I want the “deals” and exposure, I know what it takes to keep my blog running smoothly so that all of you keep coming back to pester me about how much you love my stuff (lol)  & I know how much constant research, learning and events it will take for me to build more knowledge so I know what I am talking about and can teach others and spread my knowledge to others who listen to me. My life is not all daisies and wildflowers with tons of sunshine – I have cloudy days. I have periods and bloating that makes me look “gross” , I have struggled with body shaming, I have had the ups and downs of having a nice physique, I have failed in sporting events, I have struggled with my own self confidence and who I am, I have struggled financially, I have lost out on many opportunities (not being good enough), I have days where my abs are no longer there and my arms look like twigs and I am crying trying to pick myself back up. I have had many days where my post suck and I felt like walking away, and for goodness sake .. I know what it is like to have flaws. 

 

The problem is, maybe not all my flaws are seen with the human eye, maybe some of them are seen and you can pinpoint them in less than 5 seconds, but it doesn’t matter because I am no better than anyone else. Being in the fitness field can put a lot of pressure on you to be something like someone else in order to gain a huge following, more “friends”, more money and more fame. I don’t mind the pressure much anymore because I had to stop trying to be like her or him and had to try better at doing what I do best: being me, with flaws and all. I can’t always show my flaws because, hey it is a business, and I have to put on a good face and a good show if I want to keep everyone else around me happy, but when I do, it hits hard — because that is the one time I can let go and just allow myself to cry or get angry. Becoming a trainer isn’t easy either, hell .. you are responsible for someone outside of yourself and being an athlete, well hell you are responsible with being “good” and if not good, then you better be able to handle the harsh criticisms because the world is ready to chew you whole and spit you out. Truth is, during this whole time of learning about myself and wanting to go the distance in everything I do, I have learned I am as strong as I allow but I can’t handle every hurdle and I can’t handle every ball thrown at me.. because like everyone else, I am human and I am going to have days where I fall and getting back up will seem impossible. 

 

Hopefully this post gave people some perspective and understanding. Feel free to leave comments, likes, share it on social media or follow me 🙂 Thank you.

 

Your Fitness Blogger,

 

Shay-lon xxooo

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

If You Are New To Fitness..

In Case The World Forgot…..

 

I do still make post that don’t have my workouts attached. Let’s be honest, the majority of people who aren’t into fitness, think it is stupid, waste of time, don’t understand it, don’t give a shit or were misinformed, they tend to to think fitness is about “showing off muscles”, over-confident assholes, girls who have fake tits on the cover of sports illustrated, men who are meatheads and talk about lifting but don’t have common sense and feel as though we go around bragging about our bodies and how much we can lift in order to make ourselves feel better. When I mention anything about working out, or fitness to someone who doesn’t participate in those activities, I get the complaint, the look of “wow.. yeah, I don’t workout.. not my thing”, the comment “eh.. I would much rather smash my face with food” and while I don’t mind those particular people and respect their feelings toward fitness, I want them to know, being hip to being a healthier person doesn’t have to mean all those stereotypes I get boxed in. 

 

Sure, we have the occasional assholes who think they are better than everyone else at the gym, the occasional “bitch” who seems to think because she is in shape, she can talk shit about the girl on a journey and the pretend trainers who think they know everything about fitness because they watch YouTube videos and their favorite celebrity icon is Arnold. WOW! — yeah.. those people might suck, but guess what? we also have people like myself who don’t have to pretend to know shit, because if I know it, I say it and if I don’t I find out, I don’t think I am better than anyone at the gym because GUESS WHAT? I’m not. I don’t talk shit about the girl/guy on their fitness journey because I used to be on mine and probably had the same people talking shit about me. It seems like we are a rare bunch, but really we aren’t; there is more of us out there and many of us can’t stand when people think highly of who we are because we are human just like you, we didn’t come out the womb with a 6 pack and a nice ass – we started from the beginning too. Sure, I don’t know what it is like to be you, and you don’t know what it is like to be me, all you see is it what I look like and assume that I have no bad days because I carry a confidence about me that I don’t allow to fall victim to people’s negative vibes – this could be you, but instead you are giving up, you are doing exactly what people do to you, to me by assuming that my story is any less important than yours and giving me shit about being fit to excuse your choices and wrong turns in life. 

 

So to help you out and get you thinking outside of the box – if you are new to fitness:

 
  • Give everyone a chance to tell you how they can relate to your journey instead of pretending that you are the only one with a soap box- who knows, you might just be shocked to hear some of our journeys. 
  • Don’t judge me for choosing to be healthy and choosing to work my ass off for the body I have (you have no idea how long it has taken me and I will be damn if you choose to make me feel like shit about it) INSTEAD.. how about you get to know me as a person instead of judging me for what I look like and the amount of time I spend inside a gym. 
  • Get rid of the negative people holding you back from feeling good about yourself, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE CONFIDENT, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. 
  • Don’t stay complacent, always strive for more. There is always room for progress mentally and physically (just cause you met your goal of losing 5 pounds doesn’t mean you stop doing what you are doing) – it means aim for new goals (appropriate goals, realistic goals) 
  • Develop a learning mindset instead of a know it all mindset. Don’t get mad at helpful criticisms, people normally want to help, not make you feel dumb.  
  • stop whining. Seriously, we get it.. you were a child who got made fun of, so have many people, you were in shape and drank too much and gained weight, we got it. No need to throw it in our faces to make us feel bad, seriously.. we respect what you went through but I don’t care about your past, let’s focus on what you are going to do about it now. Tell me your story but don’t throw it in my face when shit starts to get hard and you want to give up, because guess what? many people have been through some shit, your’s is not the worse case scenario. It is okay to go through dark times, and cry, and be mad.. but don’t make me feel like the monster who did it to you.. because I am only here to be supportive and help. For ex. “You have no idea what I have been through.. blah blah blah..” chances are I have been through some shit too, just different story. 
  • Don’t go into fitness comparing your results to other people’s results= this will end in disaster and make you even more anxiety ridden. This isn’t about competing against another person, this is about making yourself happy with yourself. 
  • To get your body right, have to have your mind right – balance is important. You might be strong physically but are you strong mentally.. this makes a difference, trust me. You might be lifting 500 lb squats but if you don’t have a good mindset , you won’t lift it.. because you don’t believe in yourself nor your capabilities and you have allowed your mind to keep your body from achieving. 
  • Don’t worry what others think of you, because chances are, they aren’t paying you any attention in the first place – if they are, they aren’t doing what they need to be doing (which is focusing on their own journey)
  • Don’t talk to us (people in the fitness industry)  like we are gods/goddesses, we aren’t. We enjoy compliments, but don’t forget we are human too, we have flaws, we have bad days and we struggle just like you do and when I am PMSing, I get bloated too, our abs don’t keep us from dying ya know.. we are HUMAN 🙂 
  • Don’t worry about lifting the heaviest weights and running the furthest distance – do you. Whatever you can do, do it and do it well.

If you want respect from us, respect us. Not all of us are the same, and I sure the hell don’t want to be a stereotype, I am Shay-lon and if you want to stereotype me to make yourself feel good, then do it, but don’t be shocked when you find out I don’t meet your expectations. Fitness isn’t about being the strongest, fastest, most athletic person in the world, fitness is about finding that burning desire to create something amazing out of yourself and conquering the very thing that kept you from starting in the first place. If you don’t know what fitness is about, the find out.. from someone who does. 

 

Thank you for reading,

 

Your Fitness Blogger,

Shay-lon xxx

First day of Personal training a friend for practice – Day one

personal-trainer

Today was the first day of helping one of the two friends who have come to me to lose weight, get in shape, stay healthy, and it went well. I got permission to share his name and workouts he does from this time on, and share any and all feedback from him or myself during out workout session. 

Client name: Johnathon Boyce

Age: 26 

goals: lose weight (20+ pounds), become more confident with his outer appearance, and live a healthier lifestyle that he can sustain.

Today’s Agenda:

Warm-up: 10 minutes on the treadmill, no incline, 3.5 speed. The reason being is because he rates his fitness level as a beginner and hasn’t touched cardio for 3 or more months, I needed him to get warmed up but not yet fatigued, and I wanted to see how he handled a low speed so I knew where to go from there for next time. Now normally I would do a proper assessment, but given I am not yet certified, I have to be generic. 

Workout session: 45 minutes on the elliptical, level 7, and speed between 5 and 6. 

Cool down: 5 minute cool down on the treadmill, 2.0 speed. 

Now his workout session was a fault, I probably could have started him off at a level 1 or 3 at most, but wanted to see how well he did with a higher level but slower speed. He manged the first 10-15 minutes with no issue but after that he was taking frequent stops, and frequent water breaks with a complete stop.  I realized he has poor cardiovascular oxidation but because I wanted him to finish like a champ, I had him lower his speed to a comfortable number and finish the 45 minutes while maintaining the level 7. 

After the cool down, we did some static stretches, then sat at a table to talk about the pros and cons of today’s workout, talk about how he feels, any pains/soreness, answer questions, go over tomorrow’s workout agenda, etc. We both agreed he would need to work on his cardiovascular oxidation, breathing techniques, and his mentality in order to push himself when his brain thinks he can’t. However, I don’t plan on going the same route I did today after finding out his flaws, especially since I don’t want him to feel like he didn’t do well and lose confidence in his abilities, instead I told him tomorrow, we will still use the elliptical (he did like the elliptical after all) but instead of 45 minutes straight though like we did today, I am going to break it up into segments, so it is easier to manage and he can focus on breathing properly and maintain a comfortable pace without the frequent stops (I am hoping).  I am thinking about doing 5-10 minute splits, and 1 minute breaks between each segment (the breaks are slower pace and lower level) unless he needs to completely stop for an emergency, he seems to think he wants to do 5 minutes splits, so I am more than likely going to do that first and see how well he adapts, if I feel it is too easy we will do 8 minute splits, the level will be kept around 3 this time to see how he adapts to this level and the pace will be between 5.0 and 6.0 again. 

Obviously, we will eventually need to overload and work him up to his full potential, but as of right now, it is about working on his breathing, pacing, and mental endurance. I want him to know the difference between soreness and legitimate pain. I am hoping each week we will see growth from him, but there is no doubt that this will be a journey and if he wants to meet his goals, he will need to focus and work hard. 

Your fitness blogger,

Shay-lon xoxo

If any of you have ideas as far as cardio exercises you like doing for beginners, any recommendations, etc.. please feel free to add, I love hearing feedback and again I am practicing and learning as I go about what works and what doesn’t, so hopefully by the time I get certified I will be even more knowledgeable and have more experience under my belt. I have worked as a strength and conditioning coach intern and was a personal train

Self Confidence

What does it mean to be confident, to love one self? What does it mean to put yourself first and allow others to give you the respect that you demand because you have earned it? have you been waiting for someone to tell you ” you are good enough” or are you still searching for that perfect little world where no problems will ever arise. Have you forgotten where to start and where to go, because you have been more focused on starting and going to someone else’s beat.  Do you even know yourself, do you truly love yourself even when you see the flaws? 

I am not sure how everyone feels about who they are and I am not able to make one love his or herself because it takes that ONE person to do that for themselves. People always nail people to a wall who have low self esteem or no confidence, we expect everyone to walk with confidence, self dignity and live in no fear but honestly, how can we put such high expectations on people when we are the same people judging others for their walk of life.  I cannot explain this, because this is what makes us human, our instincts are to judge when we don’t know or understand.  We tend to lack compassion these days because we have too many people running around taking advantage of the “good” we do and not enough people paying it forward. Confidence is said to be “sexy” and necessary in order to have a healthy relationship (in which I may agree) , but what happens when you are expected to do the same (be confident) and you are put in a situation where you feel uncomfortable? no longer can you walk with your head held high, no longer can you talk without stuttering, no longer are you able to judge someone else’s same predicament and no longer can you be the one to set these expectations on others when now you know what it is like to not have that oz of confidence in you. Where am I going with this?

“Self Confidence is built on loving yourself not on making yourself feel more superior to others” – Shay-lon Moss

If we truly learn to love ourselves overtime and choose to accept our flaws and change the ones that need to be changed in order to better ourselves, it won’t matter what environment we are in, what we are wearing, how much money we have and who we are friends with, it won’t matter how good of an athlete we are, what trophies we have won, and what kind of occupation we have, because when you learn to truly love who you are – nothing about those things matter to you as much as being yourself. 

How do we love ourselves, that is something we all need to figure out, we just hope that what we have, never gets in the way of who we are. 

“Sometimes loving yourself can change how you look at others” -Shay-lon Moss. 

Your fitness blogger

How do you manage your stress?

Hello bloggers!

Today’s problems that we can and cannot control can sometimes give us the most stress, the financial burdens, our relationships, our work load, if you have children or pets, sometimes our neighbors or bosses, the weather, the town or environment we live in, death, our past we hold onto, school, struggling to self- identify, our religions, not meeting a goal, our anxieties, fears, sleep deprived, illnesses, sexual desires not being met, lack of self esteem and confidence, struggling between what is right and what is wrong, sports, family members, holidays, birthdays, moving from one place to another, being homeless, losing your job, not having transportation, not understanding, anger, confusion, negativity, handicaps, losing, comparing, health, being a hero, struggling, etc. I could name so many things that could bring on stress on a daily basis for each and every one of us. I named just a few that I know are fairly common reasons for why people are stressful.  As a matter of fact, I am sure one of you reading this might be feeling somewhat stressed for one or more of these reasons and not even realize it. I know I have stresses, I was just stressing the other day and I am in a grumpy not yet stressful mood now (just woke up in pain and have a lot on my mind).  So, even myself has stress, more stress than I actually want in my life and sometimes more than I can handle.  The problem isn’t that we ALL stress at some point in our lives, the problem is HOW we handle the stress when it comes knocking at our doors.  I can share with all of you ways some people handle it: alcohol, drugs, violence, hate, greed, addictions, obsessions, emotionally disconnecting, running from it, bottling their feelings/thoughts, taking over the counter medications, suicide, etc. I realize this list isn’t the list we want to come to terms with, but more than likely someone has handled stress in one of those ways and not saying what they did was WRONG, because we cannot preach something if we have no idea how that person is feeling or what they went through, but there are BETTER ways to manage stress, more productive ways that prevent us from going down a road that is dark and lonely. 

I am hoping this list of ways to manage stress will come of use to those of you and myself when we run into a stressful situation and need something to help us get by. “Sometimes we think we have it bad, but bad only exist when we allow it to conquer who we are as a person” -Shay-lon Moss

How do you manage stress: 

  1. Ask yourself what can you do about the sources of stress (what is causing your stress)
  2. Keep a positive, realistic attitude (hard to do, but only you can do it for you)
  3. Learn and practice relaxation techniques (some may find this helpful and others will not)
  4. Exercise (cliche because I workout, but exercise is said to help)
  5. Eat healthier (take care of your health)
  6. Manage your time wisely (set goals, to do list, plan, etc) 
  7. Say no when necessary to things that add more stress in your life
  8. Make more time for hobbies and interest (this is important)
  9. Get enough sleep (this is also very important and for some hard to do)
  10. Don’t rely on alcohol, drugs or food in order to ease your mind, it will be short term and will only be more stressful down the road.
  11. Spend more time with people you love being around (people who are doing well, people who love and support you, people that make you laugh or smile)
  12. Talk with a professional or look into taking a stress management class 
  13. Listening to music has said to help with getting your mind of the stressful situation

Sometimes it isn’t about coping, it is about allowing everything to come to surface.  I always tell myself and others when they are enduring stressful situations to allow tears and madness out, because keeping it in, fucks with your mind. 

This is what could happen if you don’t manage your stress: 
 
It can wear down the body’s natural defenses and cause symptoms: 
  1. Dizziness (being out of it)
  2. General aches and pains
  3. Grinding your teeth
  4. headaches 
  5. indigestion
  6. increase or loss of appetite
  7. muscle tension in neck, face or shoulders
  8. Problems sleeping
  9. Racing heart
  10. Cold and sweaty palms
  11. Tiredness and exhaustion
  12. Shaking 
  13. Weight gain or loss
  14. Upset stomach and/or diarrhea
  15. Sexual issues
  16. Being irritable, impatient or forgetful
“Stress is something we want to avoid, but avoiding it becomes more stressful” -Shay-lon Moss
Your Fitness blogger,
Shay-lon xoxo