365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Past

3.22.19

Day 15

If you could relive one day over again, what would it be?

  • I’d like to say I would relive a day over again, but nothing really comes to mind. I mean if anything, maybe relive a day in a relationship that I didn’t want to end to see if I could have done things differently and made things play out differently but then again, maybe it wouldn’t have mattered, I don’t know. I think part of the reason I don’t have anything I want to relive is because everything that has happened in my life that I had a chance to cherish, has stayed with me for this long and always will, so if I want to relive it, I can in memory & thoughts. 
Can you name a time or day you would want to relive once more? Any particular reason why?
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365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

1.14.19

Day 15

What was the happiest moment of your life?

  • I don’t think I have a happiest moment of my life yet, I mean I have had happy moments, but to say they are the happiest moments, I don’t know. I don’t feel that I have lived long enough and I haven’t really experienced everything that is on my goal list of things I want to do. Not every happy moment has been my happiest moments, some of my achievements aren’t even a happiest moment for me, maybe I am reading into this further than I should but I don’t feel as though I have had my happiest moment yet — but I have had plenty of happy moments. 
Have you had your happiest moment, if so, what is it? If not, why not?

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 102

12.13.18

Do you find your life fulfilling?

  • It has its moments, but I won’t find my life fulfilling until I have reached the point in my life where I have done the things I want to accomplish, and have made myself successful in all aspects of my life or near it & have found the happiness that I deserve — whatever that may be. I believe the things I do in my life fulfill a purpose of some sort, but I don’t believe my life just yet has succeeded in being fulfilling as a whole.

365 days of self discovery: day 11

Day 11

What is your greatest accomplishment?

To be honest, there are very few things in my life I would consider as accomplishments, because this word I use seldom when talking about myself due to the fact I don’t feel as though I have accomplished enough to say I have drastically seen progress in my life. The few important things that have happened in my life that I am proud of and are of great accomplishment to me was: Graduating college with a degree & passing my ACSM CPT exam after failing it for 3 years straight and having to save up money each time (which many times put me at risk of not being able to pay another bill) because at the time I was crunching numbers financially in order to save up enough for the exam each time I failed & was close to giving up. 

Both of those events have served me well in the recent years and have given me such a confidence boost to know I did something other people couldn’t do or haven’t done or gave up doing. It was a breath of fresh air to do both of these things and know it would benefit my career and future. To say the least, it made me feel less of a let down and more like a role model for my youngest brother and these are moments I will cherish that happened in time and with work, tons of sacrifice and tons of failures in between. 

What would you consider your greatest accomplishment? What is something you have done against the odds or that made you feel on top of the world when you achieved it? Doesn’t matter how small or big, it is still something worth mentioning. Leave a comment telling me about it and be sure to follow and like 🙂

Shay-lon

Birthday Weekend Recap

I finally turned the big 26 on Thursday (3-22-18) and wanted to share how fun the experience was this year to be around different people and share moments/memories. I don’t typically have the chance to take a  bunch of pictures when I am celebrating, but I love writing about it because this is my way of keeping them alive. 

 

Thursday was the start of my birthday and it was a huge surprise to have my mom come to the gym with a cake to wish me a happy birthday. I also, got to spend it with a few gym friends during a workout. I also went out of town to meet up with a friend and she bought me dinner for my bday 🙂

 

Friday- I worked all day, but a friend came down to spend the weekend with me from out of town, that was wonderful. 

 

Saturday- I had a dinner get together at Texas Roadhouse with friends and family members, the food was good and we shared some fun conversation. After dinner, my friend and I got invited to go out of town and to some local bars — we drove a hour away to her friend’s house and then made some stops to pick others up and headed to some bars. I didn’t get drunk by any means, but that was fine by me, I danced and had some shots and just enjoyed what life had to offer me. We got home around 2 in the morning and I had to work the next morning, so we fell right to sleep. 

 

Sunday- I woke up in pain and it sucked, I had to call off work for the first time since working for the company for 5 years in April (this April), it wasn’t planned this way, but thankfully my job understood my health condition and allowed me the day off. I slept all day pretty much, but when I woke up I tried to have something to eat and played some board games with my friend for a while & then shared some conversation and they left later that night. 

 

Overall my birthday weekend was everything I could imagine at turning 26, and I am happy I was so involved with people — I want to do a special thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday on all my social media platforms, I definitely feel blessed! 

 

-Shay-lon

Crying in a pool full of tears

relationship-unknown

It’s scary to think it was just a month ago, I had found someone who made me feel alive and wanted for the first time in a long time.  It will be almost two months and I never thought for a second I would be at this point in the relationship where I am faking a smile, burying my head in pillows, and feeling less than my best on a constant basis. See, my partner and I click well, we have this ultimate relationship, this firework, this bolt of lightening that can grasp the attention of others. Nothing in a relationship is perfect, hell we live 4 hours away from one another and make it work because we care about each other and enjoy seeing one another. I got lucky with this one, blessed with this one, not letting go of this one, can’t get them off my mind kind of person and yet you are wondering why I am “drowning in a pool of tears”? My partner just figured out that they may have PTSD from their past relationship (they were in a mentally abusive relationship prior to dating me) and they didn’t realize how it would effect them now in this relationship, but they mentioned their tolerance would be low and they would be in “moods”, “not knowing what they want”, and random “sadness, annoyed, frustrated” etc. My ex had PTSD as well, and I was able to handle it for the most part, but everyone is different, nothing is the same for everyone, I even have a friend with PTSD and she was able to help me understand it in such a way that made sense. Now, my partner did her research (not see a specialist) and figures it would have to be the answer, but it could be a multitude of things, but nonetheless, I trust them. I decided to do my own research of it to refresh my mind and it can be difficult for relationships, friendships, life, etc, but I decided I could stick through this, because I care about them very much.  I let them know they could count of me for support and I would stay by their side no matter how bad it gets, and I continue to make that promise, because I refuse to give up on them.  

Normally, I am not the type to blast everything over the internet about my business, but sometimes I need to vent and instead of talking to someone one-on-one, I blog about it or write about it, not for the advice or help, but in hopes it releases the pressure from my brain and others can relate to my story.  My partner asked me for a break, space and told me to calm down.. as if they knew I would panic (which I would have, if I had not been sick at the time), I felt weak, I felt at fault, I felt like I lost a bestfriend/my babe/my reason to smile most days. I reassure them that it was fine and that I understood, and would give them the space they needed, in hopes it would be helpful because I am not sure what they are going through or how they feel, but I imagine it had to be bad if it came down to this. Every relationship needs its space, needs its bumps and obstacles, some go through more than others. I decided to suck it up and be STRONG, suck up my tears and focus on my week ahead, suck it up and smile, suck it up and push through this because I have to, I have to know that this is temporary because I refuse to be negative. I had been doing good, getting good news from editors, and I tried to put my best face on to avoid questions, to avoid embaressment, to get by at work, I thought no one could see through my smile and recognize my worry, my tears from the previous night, the sad songs streaming through my mind and the lack of interest in conversation, but people seen, people asked, people shared their advice and people listened & didn’t laugh, it all helped but it didn’t mend. 

Friday will be a week since talking to my partner, I miss the good morning text, the goodnight calls, the counting down to see each other, the “have a good day at work”, I miss texting you telling you how beautiful you are, I miss giving you all my attention, I miss the quick good byes; talk to you after work kind of days, holding you close to me, being told “I am the only one you want”, having you as my go to when everything seemed upside down in my life, your advice. I realize we have bickered, but nothing worth being upset about for more than 5 minutes, I know you need this space babe, so I want to give it to you, I am not leaving your side and I am going to patiently await your return because I don’t give up, and because I miss you like crazy but I am strong, I am trying, I am here for you when you are ready.  This wasn’t meant to be easy, our relationship wasn’t meant to be perfect and I will continue to make mistakes and learn from them, but don’t you forget I am here, I am here. 

We had planned on me coming down Oct. 2nd, I have been praying and staying positive in hopes I will hear from them before then. “The strongest people are the ones who have been hurt and still manage to get up” -Shay-lon Moss

Yours Truly,

Shay-lon xoxo

 

Just when you start to think…

memories

“We grow older, but that doesn’t mean we can’t smile at the end of the tunnel” -Shay-lon

It’s late in the evening and I didn’t want to make a post this late about fitness and health, so I was thinking about what kind of post could take me off the beaten path and be on interest to others.  It wasn’t until I had stumbled on a fellow blogger that I follow: https://fitrecovery.wordpress.com/.  He is a great blogger and whenever he talks about his passion for cycling, he never fails to mention the people in his life that make him feel whole, that is one of the many reasons why I enjoy his blog post (besides the health aspects of cycling) because he incorporates people in his life into this blogging, and honestly, some may think it is the cycling he is most passionate about, but when I read his blog post, I think he is most passionate about his love for everyone in his life and the many thanks he gives to those who stuck it out with him to see him come out a better person! & I just wanted to say, because of you, I was able to come up with this blog post of my own, thank you.

When you start to think about where you are NOW in your life and where you were back THEN, you see the steps you have taken and the struggles you had to endure in order to make your way. Sometimes, you get it easy in the beginning and sometimes you start off in a black hole you don’t think is possible to escape. I have two siblings, one being 8 years of age and one being 21 and I tell you, when I look at them both, I see my whole life flash before my eyes, my mistakes, my proudest moments, my old friends, my achievements, my failures, my hopes and dreams, my pain, the sacrifices I had to make, regrets, and then I see one brother who I grew up with; who was my best friend and other times the most annoying kid ever.  The many kickball games we played in front of the house and the many times we got in trouble and he would take the spanking for me or jump to my defense – I would always throw him the blame (not the greatest sister award), we would ride our bikes and skateboard, we really thought we were something, we had a childhood where we played basketball against one another, if I lost, I was ready to throw a fit and if he lost, he was rolling his eyes (very competitive siblings). As we grew up, our closeness started to fade, we no longer ran the streets wild, we no longer met at the court to play basketball and we no longer made it a thing to hangout as often as possible throwing a football (me thinking I am the next Tom Brady) LOL .. but I am damn good at throwing a football,  Regardless, everything we once did, now becomes a memory of the past, a good memory, a memory I miss so much of and a memory that I hope to one day share with him when we both have grey hair and want a good laugh.  My youngest brother and I are close, he stuns me everyday with all the things he knows and all the things that interest him, he is the cutest and sometimes too smart for his own good. I can only imagine his bright future and I only want the best for him, for now I am again making some of the same memories I did with my younger brother with now my youngest brother and all I ask is when it starts to fade and I am no longer “cool” to hang out with and I am no longer there to visit him as often as I was did, that one day when gets grey hair and wants a laugh or a smile, he thinks of everything we did together and how much I love him. 

I wanted to keep this piece short and sweet because I didn’t want to bore the audience, but the fact of the matter is, I made memories with many people, memories that when I am old and grey, I can think about when I need that laugh or smile.  I have come a long way for being 24, and I still have much further go, “who knows where I end and who knows where I’ll be, but no matter what happens to me, I will always carry these memories”-Shay-lon Moss

Your fitness blogger,

Shay-lon xoxo