Do you always need to be in control? How do you feel when you have no control over the situation?
No, I don’t need to always be in control, although having control over myself (thoughts, opinions, movements,emotions, feelings, etc) are important to me. I don’t believe I have controlling behaviors (none that stick out to me) & I don’t have the “my way or the highway” attitude either. I feel as though many times people have put me in the seat to control/make their decisions for them so they can avoid doing it & many times I’ve allowed someone I’ve dated to have control over me / take control of the situation; which at the time I was blind to but looking back, I was always in fear of losing this person & I would allow them to take control of me and answer for me, if it meant keeping them. Now, I wouldn’t be so easily controlled — I enjoy my freedoms. When I feel I have no control over a situation, it scares me depending on the circumstance. Especially when I make a mistake and someone thinks negatively of me because of it & even though I apologize, it just doesn’t seem like enough because they already have a certain impression of me — I can’t control that / or make it “better”. Not having control in certain situations can make me feel vulnerable and causes me stress or the feeling of panic/being overwhelmed.
Many of you probably know someone or have dated someone who had controlling behaviors — or perhaps you are someone who likes being in constant control. Share in the comments.
It is within our nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to “fit in” and feel like we can have a common place with someone else. We strive to be this person that people can say they like, talk highly about and want to be around on a more constant basis. It’s almost like we do things in order to prove we are worthy of these things, but what for? because popularity is a form of what we would consider “love”, and people like feeling loved — and cared for. It’s without a doubt, a great indicator of who we are and how we perceive ourselves because in the mist of wanting to be this “popular” buzz, we find out what sacrifices we had to make in order to appease the crowd & how those same sacrifices effect our character. Sometimes by being the “crowds favorite person” you find out that you had to sell your soul to the devil (metaphorically speaking) and once you decide to sell yourself short in order to gain a couple new friends, you don’t get to make another bargain. It’s a final sale & there are no refunds, you gave away yourself in order to buy a new face — you prided yourself for the amount of people who speak about you, but not everyone stays around long enough to meet the real you, when you finally have had a enough exhaustion for one day & need a break from it all, you have to remember it comes with a losing sacrifice, you lose out on the people you gained and you lost the ones who accepted you without change — but because of your greedy mind and wishful thinking, you have nobody at the end of this tunnel if you don’t stick with this mask that made you phenomenal.
I created this writing as a piece to dedicate to myself & to those who have or once had lived to appease. They lived their lives constantly wanting someone to notice them, wanting to be their friend, wanting to be apart of something grand because for so long they weren’t happy with what they had, even if what they had was pure. Sometimes we want to strive for bigger & better but not always is this the best path, it can come with consequences if you don’t read the small bold print at the bottom of the contract and has its been known to change a person’s character and scar them. For we don’t get to choose who we meet, but if who we meet changes who we are for the worst, than maybe we need to reconsider how we go about letting people in. To appease someone else by changing yourself is like living a life with half truths. Not everyone was meant to like you, the true you, some will deem it “not good enough” ; but what isn’t good enough for them was good enough for those who stayed by your side no matter your flaws. If ONLY one person deemed you “good enough” , that one person is worthy of your love because that one person didn’t ask you to conform but instead asked you to be yourself in exchange for their true selves. We don’t have to unmask ourselves to see the face, we only have to question if who we really are, is the mask we put on everyday. Don’t live to appease, live to be loved and to be cared for 100 percent, live to be you, live to be true and never live to fit in because tears will flood the eyes who have reached their own demise.
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