365 Days of Self Discovery: feelings & Emotions

02.20.19

Day 52

How do you deal with emotional pain?

  • I’d say not very well, but better? I typically close off people and activities I enjoy, I don’t like being around others when I am dealing with emotional pain & I tend to be more annoyed than usual & wanting to be in total seclusion in my room with the possibility of sad music in the background. 
How do you deal with emotional pain? Leave answers in comments. 
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365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

1.09.19

Day 10

Do you always need to be in control? How do you feel when you have no control over the situation?

No, I don’t need to always be in control, although having control over myself (thoughts, opinions, movements,emotions, feelings, etc) are important to me. I don’t believe I have controlling behaviors (none that stick out to me) & I don’t have the “my way or the highway” attitude either. I feel as though many times people have put me in the seat to control/make their decisions for them so they can avoid doing it & many times I’ve allowed someone I’ve dated to have control over me / take control of the situation; which at the time I was blind to but looking back, I was always in fear of losing this person & I would allow them to take control of me and answer for me, if it meant keeping them. Now, I wouldn’t be so easily controlled — I enjoy my freedoms. When I feel I have no control over a situation, it scares me depending on the circumstance. Especially when I make a mistake and someone thinks negatively of me because of it & even though I apologize, it just doesn’t seem like enough because they already have a certain impression of me — I can’t control that / or make it “better”. Not having control in certain situations can make me feel vulnerable and causes me stress or the feeling of panic/being overwhelmed.
Many of you probably know someone or have dated someone who had controlling behaviors — or perhaps you are someone who likes being in constant control. Share in the comments.

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 81

11.22.18

What makes you unique?

self discovery day 81

  • My personality
  • My body image
  • my thoughts, feelings, reactions to certain situations
  • my genetic make up
  • the way my environment and experiences have shaped me into the person I am
  • my personal experiences

What makes you unique? can you think of things that make you different from the person next to you.

I don’t live my life to Appease you

Not anymore.

It is within our nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to “fit in” and feel like we can have a common place with someone else. We strive to be this person that people can say they like, talk highly about and want to be around on a more constant basis. It’s almost like we do things in order to prove we are worthy of these things, but what for? because popularity is a form of what we would consider “love”, and people like feeling loved — and cared for. It’s without a doubt, a great indicator of who we are and how we perceive ourselves because in the mist of wanting to be this “popular” buzz, we find out what sacrifices we had to make in order to appease the crowd & how those same sacrifices effect our character. Sometimes by being the “crowds favorite person” you find out that you had to sell your soul to the devil (metaphorically speaking) and once you decide to sell yourself short in order to gain a couple new friends, you don’t get to make another bargain. It’s a final sale & there are no refunds, you gave away yourself in order to buy a new face — you prided yourself for the amount of people who speak about you, but not everyone stays around long enough to meet the real you, when you finally have had a enough exhaustion for one day & need a break from it all, you have to remember it comes with a losing sacrifice, you lose out on the people you gained and you lost the ones who accepted you without change — but because of your greedy mind and wishful thinking, you have nobody at the end of this tunnel if you don’t stick with this mask that made you phenomenal. 

I created this writing as a piece to dedicate to myself & to those who have or once had lived to appease. They lived their lives constantly wanting someone to notice them, wanting to be their friend, wanting to be apart of something grand because for so long they weren’t happy with what they had, even if what they had was pure. Sometimes we want to strive for bigger & better but not always is this the best path, it can come with consequences if you don’t read the small bold print at the bottom of the contract and has its been known to change a person’s character and scar them. For we don’t get to choose who we meet, but if who we meet changes who we are for the worst, than maybe we need to reconsider how we go about letting people in. To appease someone else by changing yourself is like living a life with half truths. Not everyone was meant to like you, the true you, some will deem it “not good enough” ; but what isn’t good enough for them was good enough for those who stayed by your side no matter your flaws. If ONLY one person deemed you “good enough” , that one person is worthy of your love because that one person didn’t ask you to conform but instead asked you to be yourself in exchange for their true selves. We don’t have to unmask ourselves to see the face, we only have to question if who we really are, is the mask we put on everyday. Don’t live to appease, live to be loved and to be cared for 100 percent, live to be you, live to be true and never live to fit in because tears will flood the eyes who have reached their own demise. 

Shay-lon

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think in the comment section & if you are a fan of these spoken verses, please feel free to share with your peers, like this page and follow my blog. 

365 days of self discovery: Day 34

10.06.18

What doesn’t matter to you?

  • I’d say my status quo compared to others. My materialistic being; the kind of clothes I wear compared to others, the type of car I drive, the size of my home and how much “things” I have compared to others. Same as I don’t care about those things about other people. I might have used to cared growing up because I was made to believe they were important for friendships, popularity and likes, but as I grew up and made different choices in my life, I believed they were meaningless when it came to getting to know someone and enjoying a person’s character vs their materialistic being. 

365 days of self discovery: Day 19

9.21.18

What are your strengths?

Almost feels like an interview question, but it’s an important question and one that should be open and honest because we can’t be good at everything but some of us are rather good at most things compared to others. I am going to list my strengths in bullet form, and might elaborate on some of them to give a better, deeper understanding of why it is a strength of mine.

  • The ability to multitask and do things under pressure if need be
  • Timely- punctual 
  • organization & planning 
  • attention to detail 
  • teammate
  • communicating feedback if need be – now this doesn’t mean I am good at communication overall, because I lack in some areas of communication because of my social anxiety BUT for the most part if someone needs feedback or advice, I am pretty good at giving that
  • very patient
  • dedicated
  • disciplined
  • trustworthy and honest
  • respectful
  • determined
  • ambitious
  • focused – I pretty much feel this way in a work setting, whatever it may be, when I have something that needs done, it is done because I make it my main focus
  • leadership
  • orderly
  • visionary
  • independent
  • love of learning
  • perservence
  • precise
  • problem solving skills
  • good willpower
  • inspirational
  • fair- I like being equal among others
  • charming
  • personable
  • compassionate
  • educated/knowledgeable 

This list pretty much summed it up all in one, and some of them aren’t 100 percent perfect but I would still say that the list was from both my habits at work and around friends/family and when I am alone — I had to consider all things in order to conjure up this list, now it is your turn. I want to see a list of your strengths, share them with me and my readers, it doesn’t have to be long, but maybe it is much longer than mine. To know your strengths, means to know your weaknesses. Don’t forget to follow, like, comment and share 🙂

Shay-lon

365 days of self discovery: Day 16

9.18.18

How would you want other people to describe you?

  • There’s no magical words that I would want people to say about me because I’m far from perfect & not everyone will like me.  If anything, I’d like people to be able to say that I’m charismatic, open-minded/least bit of judgmental, understanding and someone that is positive. That I try to look at the good in people to better know them and understand them, so that I can form my opinion. I want people to be able to say that I’m honest & trustworthy, confident, yet, humble and blunt but doesn’t go out of her way to intentionally cause harm to people; a realist to say the least — optimistic but it doesn’t hinder my ability to see the truth. As an added bonus, I would love if someone mentioned that I was smart (wise) possibly due to my experiences and educational background, passionate about important topics that hold some form of relation to her life or encourage people to come together for a greater good/purpose & treats people equally no matter their status quo. One of the most important aspects I would want someone to describe as me is someone who is always willing to learn, and be taught — her pride doesn’t hinder her ability to gain more knowledge in subjects that she is not well-informed in or needs more work in. 

I believe all of us would want people to say something good about us, about who we are, about their first impression of us upon meeting us and speaking to us. This specific question made me think of when the day comes I am to be buried, I want people who attend my funeral to say things about me that aren’t dull (i.e nice, friendly, caring, etc) because those are things we all hope to be, but I want people who have known me to know that I had so much more to me than what lied on the surface & so much more to give than what I was able to sometimes. I don’t think I am special, and need an applause, however, I do want to leave this earth knowing people actually took the time to get to know me. 

It’s your turn, tell me how would you want someone to describe you & leave in the comments. 

Thanks for reading, and feel free to like, share and follow. 

Shay-lon