365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 61

11.02.18

Do you find it easy asking for “help”?

  • Growing up, I avoided asking for help; especially in school. Instead of raising my hand in class, I’d usually go home and and try to figure it out; or wait until a teacher or college professor would notice my struggle & reach out to help me. Many times my college professors or high school teachers would recommend that  I seek assistance after class or school with them or with a tutor, but I’d never be one to go. Asking for help just made me feel uncomfortable due to social anxiety and because I wanted to blend in/fit in with everyone else who understood the subject matter. Not to mention, I don’t particularly enjoy the spotlight having to raise my hand in class if I don’t understand something. The ONE time that I reached out for help on my own, was when I was failing math class or on the brink of failing a math class in college & I had to pass it, in order to graduate that same year, so I reached out to a family member who then helped me to pass  — but that literally was down to the wire before I asked. Now, I still don’t particularly like having to ask for help — and try to avoid doing so, but at the same time I know if necessary, I am fully capable of asking for help if I need it. 
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I don’t live my life to Appease you

Not anymore.

It is within our nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to “fit in” and feel like we can have a common place with someone else. We strive to be this person that people can say they like, talk highly about and want to be around on a more constant basis. It’s almost like we do things in order to prove we are worthy of these things, but what for? because popularity is a form of what we would consider “love”, and people like feeling loved — and cared for. It’s without a doubt, a great indicator of who we are and how we perceive ourselves because in the mist of wanting to be this “popular” buzz, we find out what sacrifices we had to make in order to appease the crowd & how those same sacrifices effect our character. Sometimes by being the “crowds favorite person” you find out that you had to sell your soul to the devil (metaphorically speaking) and once you decide to sell yourself short in order to gain a couple new friends, you don’t get to make another bargain. It’s a final sale & there are no refunds, you gave away yourself in order to buy a new face — you prided yourself for the amount of people who speak about you, but not everyone stays around long enough to meet the real you, when you finally have had a enough exhaustion for one day & need a break from it all, you have to remember it comes with a losing sacrifice, you lose out on the people you gained and you lost the ones who accepted you without change — but because of your greedy mind and wishful thinking, you have nobody at the end of this tunnel if you don’t stick with this mask that made you phenomenal. 

I created this writing as a piece to dedicate to myself & to those who have or once had lived to appease. They lived their lives constantly wanting someone to notice them, wanting to be their friend, wanting to be apart of something grand because for so long they weren’t happy with what they had, even if what they had was pure. Sometimes we want to strive for bigger & better but not always is this the best path, it can come with consequences if you don’t read the small bold print at the bottom of the contract and has its been known to change a person’s character and scar them. For we don’t get to choose who we meet, but if who we meet changes who we are for the worst, than maybe we need to reconsider how we go about letting people in. To appease someone else by changing yourself is like living a life with half truths. Not everyone was meant to like you, the true you, some will deem it “not good enough” ; but what isn’t good enough for them was good enough for those who stayed by your side no matter your flaws. If ONLY one person deemed you “good enough” , that one person is worthy of your love because that one person didn’t ask you to conform but instead asked you to be yourself in exchange for their true selves. We don’t have to unmask ourselves to see the face, we only have to question if who we really are, is the mask we put on everyday. Don’t live to appease, live to be loved and to be cared for 100 percent, live to be you, live to be true and never live to fit in because tears will flood the eyes who have reached their own demise. 

Shay-lon

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think in the comment section & if you are a fan of these spoken verses, please feel free to share with your peers, like this page and follow my blog. 

Working out 7 days a week & no results

The thing I have realized about the fitness industry while working in it, is people have this ongoing thought in their mind that the more they workout the more results, the better the physique, the stronger they are and the less at risk of health issues they will be. 

BUT.. 

It never ceases to amaze me how many of those people won’t see any results, their physique won’t change and their health issues still arise or have yet to go away & if being strong is lifting 225 for the first year and then never seeing an increase the next year, then strong needs to be re-evaluated as well. The concept of working out everyday sounds like the one way of ticket of gains and being more in shape & seeing more results but if you want some honesty  — you aren’t going to see neither working out 7 days a week without any type of change or routine that gets you there. I work at a gym where I see the same people doing the same routine day in and day out, they do it and do it, and do it until they complain about hitting plateaus, or not seeing the results they like or perhaps they do it and boost themselves up with this mindset that they have grown a whole 2 lbs in their squat after staying on the same routine for 12 weeks. Don’t get me wrong, there are 4 week, 6 week and 12 week programs out there but they are made to keep you focused and give you results in hopes you either do the same routine again (lets go another round) or to help give you a guide in order to keep you on the right path. They work, most do anyways, depending on your goals and how serious you are about the program & your nutrition matches your gym time. Putting those programs aside, its the mundane coming to the gym with no plan, doing a 10 minute cardio session warm up, lifting the same weights with the same 4-6 exercises you have done since starting the gym and leaving without even a single sweat or any sign of fatigue or soreness. Perhaps this is why you aren’t seeing the results, because you are lost and workout to workout but have no sense of direction — you say you want to lose weight but are avoiding cardio like the plague, you want to gain mass but lift 50 percent your max and you say you want a squat pr, but skip leg day BUT because you come into the gym everyday for 7 days a week for a hour at a time, you should reap all the benefits without doing the right kind of work. 

If this person is you, you aren’t alone. I am not making light of your journey, but I am putting you in the spotlight so you can see where you might be going wrong and what might need to change if you want all your effort to amount to something. I’ve worked at this gym for over a year and have had people ask me if I see any results from them, because they didn’t see any and I have had to say “no” many times because it’s true, I seen nothing. I don’t bash them, but I do ask them what their goals are and what they do to work towards them & each of them will tell me, “I workout everyday, I don’t understand”, it’s almost like I should applaud their efforts but why, when I know working out everyday won’t gain them the results they need if they don’t do the right kind of work to achieve it. The problem isn’t your frequency that you attend the gym, the problem is you have no plan and no genuine knowledge that will help you excel because you have made this habit into your excuse and use it to justify your reasoning for no results & if someone like myself were to give you some tips or advice or even try to offer my services, you think you are above it or question my knowledge because you have been told this one thing by someone else who has big muscles on a video and takes pre-workout and you believed it or took one thing from it and never really got the whole picture. For this, all I can say is working out 7 days a week won’t grant you result if you don’t take the right steps. Only doing half the work, will give you little to no results or keep you at a plateau if you don’t change your technique. If this is you and don’t know where to start, ask a professional (personal trainer) at your gym with credentials and have them give you some advice or take up a class and talk with an instructor or find valuable information online — to help guide you in the right direction. Regardless of your goals, everyone has a journey and your journey is important and if you want your journey to be successful, you have to be willing to challenge yourself, change routines, research information, be cautious of your eating habits, and take yourself seriously enough to want to see results and have this better self image. 

The only thing worse than a lazy person, is someone who prides themselves of being lazy” – Shay-lon (do the work, and the process will bring joy)

 

Tip #5: Do deadlifts right, or learn how

So, today’s tip goes along with a particular exercise – the DEADLIFT! we might have talked about this before but I want to get it ingrained in your mind – WATCH YOUR FORM, DO THE CORRECT TECHNIQUE! If you want to lift heavier weight, do it the right way, because on your journey to being Mr/Miss “Badass” you will find out REAL quick that lifting heavy don’t mean shit if you can’t do it properly and safely. I love lifting, & like the majority of you, I love lifting heavier weights because it just feels so good and gives us that ego boost – you know I am right! lol. In the same context, there is no point in lifting heavy if I can’t properly do it and end up with an injury that puts me on my ass for months at a time because I thought I’d be a cool kid and not listen to Shay’s advice and lift it however the fuck I want. Well guess what buddy?! GO ahead and lift it however the fuck you choose, but when and if you should hurt yourself, don’t come to this post talking loads of crap about how nobody told me so, or “I have been doing it this way for years” or any other excuse that comes out like gas and smells because I will not respond with a smile on my face. If the weight is to heavy for you to do it correctly, then suck up your pride and put your ego aside and lower it and work up to it gradually. 

 

If you are a personal trainer, you should know better and should be watching your client’s form and technique, no excuses because ask yourself, do you want your client injured? do you want the possibility of losing them as a client? NO, so pay attention! 

 

Listen to my podcast over aRomanian deadlift advice

Fitness WonderWoman

Shay-lon

Thank You (Poem At The End)

I wanted to catch everyone up on why I haven’t been active on social media and my blog page as well.. and what is to come. 

 

Firstly, I want to say thank you to all of those who have left comments on my latest YouTube video and my blog post while I have been MIA – it truly means the world to me and while I did not respond to any of them, I did read them.. and it made me thankful that many of you were being as supportive as possible. 

 

Secondly, I apologize that all my viewers and blog friends and followers have not seen much of me on social media (including this blog) and I know it sucks because I have so much to write about and all you flock to my page to get the next big thing I have written; waiting patiently and none of you were prepared for this disappeared kind of moment. This was not fair to any of you – but I had to do what I had to do if it meant staying away for a while.

 

Thirdly, for those of you who aren’t caught up or new to the blog, this week has been full of emotional lows for me, I have been in rage, sad, frustrated, confused, and withdrew from close friends and family – for reasons I will not discuss on this blog or social media.. some may have guessed it or might have a clue as to why but I will not confirm those reasons for privacy reasons. I have a personal life that isn’t always something I want to discuss online. It has been very difficult for me, I haven’t been to the gym all week, I left the gym on Tuesday in tears and anger that I could not manage to go back all this week, I haven’t been eating much at all and my selections have not been healthiest at all – in all honesty I have been falling apart all week. The first to go was my mind, I lost it.. I was in my room crying most days and throwing shit other days of the week and all in all I missed out on tons of sleep to the point of not being able to function correctly. It wasn’t until partly yesterday I was slowly showing people support on Instagram again and trying to manage my emotions all at once.. it has been difficult but in the end.. we all have shitty days, right?

 

Fourthly, I will try to create a video Monday for all of you to get some updates.. and if I don’t you will have to excuse me because I still look horrible and although emotionally I feel like I am healing somewhat, I am not 100 percent yet. Not even close to it. I will continue to blog (starting today) and have even made it a point to start some new projects during this week of emotional rollercoasters.

 

Fifthly, I have given thought on starting a second blog that has nothing to do with fitness at all. It is a totally different spectrum and I will be honest, not sure what will come of it if I decide to do it but I feel like it could be a good thing for others as well as myself. I will continue this fitness blog – no worries, this is my FIRST love and my career and life, so this won’t be going away. Along with a new blog page means I will probably be creating a new facebook page dedicated to it, but that is all something I will start at later dates, I am taking this a day at a time. So be patient with me. 

 

Lastly, I have decided to share a simple poem with all of you I created within minutes of writing this post, hopefully all of you will enjoy it. I will be working on myself day my day because I want to make the most of my life with someone I adore and love and I want to better myself in all aspects of life and I want to blossom into something that I know I am capable of! All of your emails, comments, and social media messages have been read and I am in so much ‘ahh’ at all how many of you were by my side during this time, I am blessed beyond belief to have an online family who stands by my corner but I also want to thank all my close friends and family for keeping me on the up and up even when I was falling into pieces in front of you, you are my heros and I love you!

 

Poem:

I fell on my face, nothing could pick me back up

for all this time, I thought I wasn’t enough

sometimes the mental pain drains me, and my body hates me,

the insanity that takes over me – has me going crazy

 

the smile on my face gave me such distaste, pretending to be happy 

in order to survive this phase. 

It takes strength to grow but I didn’t know it would take so much pain

for every flower around me withered at my downward spiral that I gained

 

You won’t understand my story,  it has no end but many beginnings

You won’t understand my words, they are spoken while drinking henny,,

You won’t understand me, because I am everything in between..

This poem is only a small dose of me.

 

-Shay-lon Moss (this poem was created by me and copyrighted)

 

Thanks for reading, 

 

Fitness WonderWoman

 
 

Chances are you aren’t really living ..

Every once in a GREAT while, I get in one of these inspirational moods and bore you with my positive outlook and story… thoughts.. fears.. momentary comedy.. and toward the end everything ends with .. bullshit I could have said in the beginning but decided to make you read til the end to find out the point. This is another one of those post. 😀

 

You see, we run into this thing called chance, the possibility of something happening but we never know what. We are always taking chances, at least most of us are, and when our chances run out, well.. that normally means we have met our maker or we have run into a dead end, and it is time to re-evaluate how we spend what time we have left. How do you spend today, if you don’t know what tomorrow will be like? Odds are you will continue to.. what is that word? Live?

People use the word “live” a lot, it almost sounds like a catchy answer until I become a nuisance and ask you “how do you really know you are living, spending everyday alive, when you aren’t taking chances, and you are afraid to make mistakes”? then you get that grumpy answer: “Well I am still breathing, aren’t I?” – nothing seems to make sense anymore.. when people say that. 

Many of you are probably wondering what this has to do with “Fitness/health”, but if you pay attention, this whole thing will add up to another post in the future & in all honesty this whole post has to do with life – and fitness & health is a lifestyle, right? so calm down and don’t worry about me getting off the beaten path.. 

 

This whole year of 2016, I took some pretty huge chances, I made some really fucked up mistakes and I probably lived more than I have in many years. Actually.. I haven’t lived enough and I want more of out life – but that is because I constantly await for something to happen in my life, I patiently wait to make another mistake, to fuck up, to laugh louder and harder, to cry more, to smile often, and store what is left of the memories in my phone, laptop or brain.  I suggest all of you wait too, no use in running after something that will greet you at the door in due time. I am not really good with words, so excuse me if this starts to sound like gibberish, I don’t mean to make you fall asleep, I just don’t use really big words when I speak to keep people’s attention – I much prefer to speak like a child (repeating what I say often using different sentences but the same small words) luckily for all of you, I am a “big kid”, so no need for a babysitter. 

 

It’s shame we have all been trying to fit in all this time, trying to create this white picket fence where we greet our neighbors every morning, say hi to Lucy and Tom next door, and go to work to come home and do it all over again. We stopped taking chances, sometime ago, when we realized that Lucy and Tom were shot walking down the street to get coffee, our dog was hit by a train and our children lost their first sports event of the year & we got laid off from our million dollar job! Oh.. we were living.. day in and day out, doing the same shit, greeting the same neighbors, attending the same games, and working the same hours, laughing at the same black and white TV shows. I remember when people were “living”, living in bliss and living in fortune. Some might agree that back then compared to now has significantly changed (and I don’t mean the weather) – I mean everybody who is somebody can’t even stand to walk anymore without fear. We don’t take the same chances anymore. I hear people say “nothing is going to stop me from living” but they are the same ones driving to the corner store up one block and complaining about how they wished they could save on gas, but don’t dare walk in fear they could be mugged.. – so what was that whole nothing can stop me from living again? lol. 

 

We stopped living when things happened next door to us, when people we know lost their lives, when we decided that it was much safer in our homes, when we watched the news and wanted nothing to do with the outside world, and when pain and sorrow came knocking at our doors – we gave up our lives, we surrendered them to those that challenged it. We don’t attend the same kind of parties anymore, we don’t associate with the same kind of people anymore, we don’t offer sugar to our neighbors, we don’t eat candy from Halloween, we don’t drive the same way to work – call it being cautious if you want to, but being cautious is what kept people from living (for better or for worse, that is up to you)

It isn’t only you that isn’t living, hell I am not living, I am being more and more stuck in this zone of “safety” where it scares me to almost say my name to strangers, not knowing their intentions. Making new friends and dating never seemed anymore scary than these days – online and offline. Truth is, we don’t take the same chances we once have, and it doesn’t mean we failed, or that we are scared shitless, just means we developed a sense of wanting to stay alive, wanting to protect, wanting to be more aware of what could happen. 

 

I personally believe that “living” is what you make it, but what if you don’t live long enough to make something of life? What if your tragic end comes in the next couple of hours? Does it mean you didn’t live life, or does it mean you lived it until you had nothing to live for? 

 

Something tells me you are going to think I am crazy for creating this post, I hope it wasn’t too deep for any of you. I hope it didn’t scare any of you, I hope I get some good feedback , and all of you decide to share your thoughts, I hope you share my post with your audience and get them talking about it, I hope I have inspired you to take chances.. more often.. and I hope I opened your mind to life.. to what we know but do not always notice. 

 

This is how I will end this post: “if by taking chances means we die quicker, then I guess that means we need to make haste, because who wants to die a slow death” – Shay-lon Moss

 

Thank you for reading. 

 

Shay-lon Moss xxxx