RIP To All Those Who lost their lives

I just want to take the time to say how sorry I am for all those currently struggling with the loss of their loved ones during the last night’s shooting in California at Borderline Bar and Grill. This world is chaos, and it has become a “normal” thing for these mass shootings, soft shooting to take place anywhere and everywhere. That’s sad, pathetic and scary. I was on twitter today and reading the masses of tweets and one in particular stood out to me (I dont have cable any longer, so I feel am always last to know things unless posted on FB or instagram or a friend should tell me) and did you guys know that this shooting marked 304th mass shooting of 2018 thus far. It blows my mind more and more when I think about it because we used to grow up in this mentality that “my neighborhood is safe, this town has hardly any crime, this could never happen here to me, what are the chances of it happening here, and the most crimes we have are small.. ” well guess what America? NEWS FLASH! but safe is relative & there is no safe zone, nobody is safe from destruction besides the dead. Hell, growing up, I always thought this town was safe from all harm due to it being a pretty well established area with very little crime but now, we have drug overdoses every week, we have had people killed from gunshots and stabbings and we have car break ins, etc.. and guess what? that’s not nearly half of what goes on here that the crooked system tries to hide, regardless, crime can happen everywhere and no state, city, county is safe from a mass shooting erupting — people don’t give a fuck! I hate to say it, but people who want to harm others; on a mission to make hell for someone else isn’t going to discriminate where it takes place, if they have the tools and the way in, they will take it & we need not forget that aspect. 

Our country has been talking about “gun control” since the Pulse shooting and yet there has not been a solution in place, not enough action being taken and too much conversation that prolongs the process before another shooting happens. We say gun control, we say we need to not continue to make mass shootings a normal happening, we say we need to band together and come up with a solution, we say we need to change the laws, we say we need to ban certain people from obtaining weapons, etc, but what haven’t we done? we haven’t done enough.. we are discussing the same policies, the same written documents, the same agendas we were discussing back when things started and now we are doing the same thing , and this is giving perps more time to plan the next chaotic attack because we aren’t taking enough action. I am scared for our country and the future, scared for my family and friends, scared for myself and people who I don’t even know — innocent people’s lives.. I am scared because no matter what we decide, people aren’t going to wait for us to take action, they will continue to do these shootings because they can and will. When we finally take some sort of action, it probably still won’t be enough because the internet makes things easily accessible & we live in sick, cruel world where all it takes is a click of a button, power and or money and BOOM!

I was reading a post on twitter on how we are blaming these shootings on mental health problems/disorders and conditions but how dare we use this as a scapegoat each time someone decides to become radical and do a mass shooting. I couldn’t agree more with the person who stated it, because hell, I suffer from mental health disorders but I am not out here shooting up buildings, blowing up people and taking innocent lives — and while I know mental health is running rapid & many times people can’t afford medication, don’t know they suffer from something or can’t afford to get help they need, it doesn’t mean all of us with mental health disorders are taking it upon ourselves to kill people. I am more than aware that some have severe cases of mental health issues and can cause harm to themselves and others but I don’t believe we should continue using mental health as a scapegoat because I believe it fuels the stigma already placed on people who suffer from mental health disorders/conditions. If mental health is an issue (which it is when people can’t afford or have the help they seek or need) then lets come up with something to help those in need — but if every time we assumed someone who killed someone has a mental health disorder, it would be bullshit because there are so many people in their right mind who just are evil people doing these things, it doesn’t always come down to them having a mental health disorder, sometimes they are just malicious people with bad intents. Two things:

  1. We need to focus on the fact that NOT every person who goes out and does a senseless act has a mental health disorder, fact is, people can be evil and do crimes like this, it doesn’t mean they have PTSD or anxiety or anything else, it could just mean, they are evil and have bad intentions. 
  2.  If we want to keep blaming mental health for reasons why people go out and kill people and commit mass shootings, then find a way to help people or make it possible for people to afford health care, prescriptions, therapy sessions, etc and create a better reform so people understand the different types of mental health disorders & instead of justifying the shootings with this person suffered with a mental health disorder .. how about we take action on gun control & have a better judicial system that hands out consequences instead of slapping people on the wrist to stay moral. 

I agree with this person who quoted:Mental illnesses didn’t shoot & kill 12 people in last night. A man with a gun did. Im sick of people using mental illness as a scapegoat, which further stigmatizes those of us that struggle with it. It’s lazy & dishonest” -Khary Penebaker, Fx .

Again, I am sorry for all those that lost someone due to the shooting, I pray in time you heal and find it in your heart to continue living your best life. ❤ 

P.S I am all for conceal to carry, I believe protecting ourselves is the best method these days; especially in having to defend yourself and family/friends. Take away people’s right to protect themselves, we are left defenseless and people who can’t fend for themselves are usually left to die without being able to put up a fight. However,  I do believe we can come up with a solid solution that doesn’t take away people’s rights to defend themselves but makes it harder for those who shouldn’t have gun to obtain one, but even so, the internet is easy and accessible and people will always find a way. Sadly.

Advertisements

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) Mental health awarenesss

Welcome back bloggers to another mental health Thursday post! I hope all of you have been enjoying my mental health Thursday post, raising awareness on mental health and making it less of an omen & giving understanding. I am not sure if any of you have heard of PTSD, but if you have, you probably have commonly heard war veterans speak on it — but it isn’t exclusively happening to just war veterans but also the general population as well. I know someone personally who has PTSD, hell, I probably know more than a couple of people and each of them handle it differently and have different reasons as to why they have it. I won’t discuss their stories because that is private information but if anyone wants to leave in the comments or email me their own experience, that is fine, otherwise I don’t expect people to be as open about their experiences because it becomes really personal. 

 

Now keep in mind, all my information about PTSD does NOT mean that it is the same for everyone, everyone is an individual case so treat my answers as such. If you know someone who has PTSD, I am either hoping this will help give you insight, possible understanding and perhaps help you have a better handle on things because I dated someone who allegedly had PTSD (wasn’t brought to my attention until the break up) and the way they explained it, they couldn’t but I could tell something wasn’t right at the time with this person and while they never did get a diagnosis; they figured they did enough research to narrow it down to PTSD — I wish I could have known sooner because maybe it wouldn’t have been too late to look into handling a relationship with someone with possible PTSD but with that being said, many spouses who live with someone with this condition, it can sometimes be stressful and very exhausting if you don’t understand or if you are feeling abandoned, it is never easy to put your foot into someone else’s shoes if you have never experienced what they have experienced and while we sympathize with them, it doesn’t mean we have a hold on the issue at hand – because sometimes we don’t, sometimes we find ourselves thinking we ‘got it’ just to find out we we’re way wrong, and that’s okay because we are only human. 

 

What is PTSD?

 
  • Failure to recover after experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event 

Not everyone with PTSD has gone through a painful event – losing a loved one can also cause this to happen. 

Symptoms

  • Flashbacks/reliving the event (nightmares, etc)
  • scary thoughts
  • Avoiding places, or situations that remind you of the event
  • Might have more negative beliefs or feelings
  • hyperarousal
  • feelings of hopelessness, shame or dispair
  • possible drinking or drug issues
  • employment issues may occur
  • relationship issues may occur
  • depression 
  • anxiety
  • many of the symptoms depending on the severity could lead to suicide.. 

Children with PTSD

  • Might experience bed wetting habits
  • Forgetting how to or being unable to talk
  • Acting out the event during playtime
  • Could be unusually clingy to a parent or other adult
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Act out the event through drawings 
  • Could become more irritable or aggressive
  • Might have problems with friends, or school work
  • might try to avoid going to school
  • depression as they get older
  • anxiety
  • withdrawal or possible reckless behavior as they get older

Risk Factors

PTSD can happen at any age! 

  • war veterans
  • sexual abuse
  • physical abuse
  • loss of a loved one
  • witnessing a dangerous event happen to a loved one
  • childhood trauma
  • having a history of mental illness
  • having little to no social support after the event
  • Stress after the event can make PTSD more likely

With this being said, PTSD can occur soon after the event or take months to years before it triggers & it can come and go. Again, everyone is different. 

 

Treatment:

  • Psychotherapy for PTSD
  • Medications

The ONE thing is for sure, we always want to push people to ask for help, but sometimes that person doesn’t always realize they have an actual issue and some people live in denial. You can offer help, but doesn’t mean they will take it. I once told somebody: “getting help seems easy to do coming from people from the outside looking in, but for me, it is letting go of my pride, being vulnerable and accepting it and that’s just not easy to do” so take that how you will, but in knowing my own situation, my anxiety and how it hinders me sometimes – that’s how I feel about things, hints why I have never sought out help BUT don’t do as I do, do what works best for you, and your circumstances because help is important in order to better handle things sometimes. I will mention, my anxiety is A LOT better than where it used to be but it probably would have saved me a whole hell of lot more to seek help back when. It’s never too late to ask for help or seek a professional, so don’t give up on yourself. 

 

P.S I will always be honest with my readers about how I handled my own mental health issues and break downs, etc and I will be the FIRST person to say, I don’t seek professional help for things I go through, because I just deal with it & sometimes I pay a hell of a lot of consequences and sometimes I come out okay, but regardless, my pride and stubbornness gets the best of me,  and that’s why I am a bad example , lol 

 

Hope all of you have enjoyed this post, be sure to like, comment,share and follow!

 

Fitness WonderWoman,

Shay-lon xo

 

Crying in a pool full of tears

relationship-unknown

It’s scary to think it was just a month ago, I had found someone who made me feel alive and wanted for the first time in a long time.  It will be almost two months and I never thought for a second I would be at this point in the relationship where I am faking a smile, burying my head in pillows, and feeling less than my best on a constant basis. See, my partner and I click well, we have this ultimate relationship, this firework, this bolt of lightening that can grasp the attention of others. Nothing in a relationship is perfect, hell we live 4 hours away from one another and make it work because we care about each other and enjoy seeing one another. I got lucky with this one, blessed with this one, not letting go of this one, can’t get them off my mind kind of person and yet you are wondering why I am “drowning in a pool of tears”? My partner just figured out that they may have PTSD from their past relationship (they were in a mentally abusive relationship prior to dating me) and they didn’t realize how it would effect them now in this relationship, but they mentioned their tolerance would be low and they would be in “moods”, “not knowing what they want”, and random “sadness, annoyed, frustrated” etc. My ex had PTSD as well, and I was able to handle it for the most part, but everyone is different, nothing is the same for everyone, I even have a friend with PTSD and she was able to help me understand it in such a way that made sense. Now, my partner did her research (not see a specialist) and figures it would have to be the answer, but it could be a multitude of things, but nonetheless, I trust them. I decided to do my own research of it to refresh my mind and it can be difficult for relationships, friendships, life, etc, but I decided I could stick through this, because I care about them very much.  I let them know they could count of me for support and I would stay by their side no matter how bad it gets, and I continue to make that promise, because I refuse to give up on them.  

Normally, I am not the type to blast everything over the internet about my business, but sometimes I need to vent and instead of talking to someone one-on-one, I blog about it or write about it, not for the advice or help, but in hopes it releases the pressure from my brain and others can relate to my story.  My partner asked me for a break, space and told me to calm down.. as if they knew I would panic (which I would have, if I had not been sick at the time), I felt weak, I felt at fault, I felt like I lost a bestfriend/my babe/my reason to smile most days. I reassure them that it was fine and that I understood, and would give them the space they needed, in hopes it would be helpful because I am not sure what they are going through or how they feel, but I imagine it had to be bad if it came down to this. Every relationship needs its space, needs its bumps and obstacles, some go through more than others. I decided to suck it up and be STRONG, suck up my tears and focus on my week ahead, suck it up and smile, suck it up and push through this because I have to, I have to know that this is temporary because I refuse to be negative. I had been doing good, getting good news from editors, and I tried to put my best face on to avoid questions, to avoid embaressment, to get by at work, I thought no one could see through my smile and recognize my worry, my tears from the previous night, the sad songs streaming through my mind and the lack of interest in conversation, but people seen, people asked, people shared their advice and people listened & didn’t laugh, it all helped but it didn’t mend. 

Friday will be a week since talking to my partner, I miss the good morning text, the goodnight calls, the counting down to see each other, the “have a good day at work”, I miss texting you telling you how beautiful you are, I miss giving you all my attention, I miss the quick good byes; talk to you after work kind of days, holding you close to me, being told “I am the only one you want”, having you as my go to when everything seemed upside down in my life, your advice. I realize we have bickered, but nothing worth being upset about for more than 5 minutes, I know you need this space babe, so I want to give it to you, I am not leaving your side and I am going to patiently await your return because I don’t give up, and because I miss you like crazy but I am strong, I am trying, I am here for you when you are ready.  This wasn’t meant to be easy, our relationship wasn’t meant to be perfect and I will continue to make mistakes and learn from them, but don’t you forget I am here, I am here. 

We had planned on me coming down Oct. 2nd, I have been praying and staying positive in hopes I will hear from them before then. “The strongest people are the ones who have been hurt and still manage to get up” -Shay-lon Moss

Yours Truly,

Shay-lon xoxo