365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Relationships

5.22.19

Day One 

What does love mean to you?

  • Love means unconditional respect, support, loyalty, and a meaningful relationship. 
What does love mean to you? I am eager to read all the answers. 
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365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 47

10.19.18

What rules or standards do you live by?

  • I have a number of rules and standards that I try to live by the best way I know how. Some of which you may have heard of it and some you have not. All of these rules/standards can somewhat be summed up by my morals and belief system. While this may not be an all exclusive list, it is a decent amount. 
  1. “Treat the janitor with the same respect as you would the CEO” — this is something I was taught by my grandmother, and to be honest, I love this saying because we tend to treat people differently due to their status quo. The CEO puts his pants on the same way as either you or I. 
  2. Don’t allow someone to back you into a corner mentally, or physically & if they do, come out fighting. Basically what this means is, we can only manage to handle so much before we explode, we shouldn’t allow someone(s) to get us to the point where we just continue to take the hits they give us. If we don’t learn to stand up for ourselves than we will continue to allow someone to take advantage of us. Sometimes to come out swinging, means to STOP putting up with people’s crap. 
  3. Your body can handle the challenges that your mind thinks you can’t. The body can be pushed further than what the mind allows. Don’t allow your thinking to get the best of you. 
  4. Guilt can kill a man, therefore, make choices in which you won’t feel guilty about later & make them wisely. If you know a choice will cause you pain later, then maybe it is time to rethink your choice(s) so that you don’t have to live with this kind of guilt. Sometimes guilt plays on us without our control due to circumstances, but we have to learn to let go of it, and move on. We can’t move on properly if we live a life full of regrets. 
  5. Take risk because they can sometimes lead us to great opportunities. 
  6. Be a leader, not a boss. People don’t want to be told what to do, they want to be led by someone who will do the work with them. People don’t like being bossed around, they prefer to be asked & if you live your life trying to be a boss, you will earn less respect in the long run, but if you live your life as a leader, respect will gradually grow and with respect will come trust and a group of people who will stand alongside of you. 
  7. “Treat people the way you want to be treated”
  8. An open mind builds a bigger perspective. Living inside a closed box doesn’t allow you to see everything from different viewpoints. If you keep an open mind, you will see the world in many different perspectives and have respect for many different voices of reason. 
  9. Take accountability for your actions
  10. The type of people you surround yourself with, usually is a good indicator of the type of person you are
  11. “Close mouths don’t get fed”. If you don’t speak up, you won’t be heard
  12. Be yourself, those that like you will like you for who you are & those that don’t like you, won’t matter.

BEGREATGUYS Tip #9 Acceptance but not complacent

We have come quite a long ways; to a point where most people on social media seem to be more positive towards others bodies and choices of sport, and their lifestyle choices. Even more beautiful is the self love I see on social media from men and women alike, who have stood up to the bullies and have chosen to speak on how they don’t feel any less self confident with themselves anymore because they have chosen to love who they are — I know body shaming still exist on and off social media; and it probably won’t cease anytime soon, but when I see how people choose to handle it, it makes me smile because everyone’s body and genetic make up is different & we never really know another person’s journey. Saying this, I have decided that there are two things that I believe are important when it comes to the body & how one should treat it. 

  1. Acceptance – In other words accepting your body for all the flaws it may have, being able to accept the fact that we are all different & unique; that we can’t compare ourselves to others because each journey is different & each person has their obstacles. Our genetic make up can be a curse or it can be a blessing/ or perhaps a mix of both but it is who we are before we work towards changing it. Accepting your body today, tomorrow and in the future will bring a more positive perspective & learning to accept someone else’s body is showing that you respect their choice even if you don’t agree with it. 
  2. NOT staying complacent – This is where you change what you want to make better & learn from trial/error what works best for your body. While you have accepted its flaws, does not mean you cannot work towards progress and make new results that will make you feel much more confident inside & out. Choosing to not be complacent means you want growth & growth means you constantly want to be the best person you can be. Success is golden if you aim for better but not perfect & sometimes even if results don’t come when you plan on it, they come when you least expect it and challenge you to keep pushing even when the odds are stacked against you. While accepting another person’s body flaws and lifestyle choices is respectful, it doesn’t mean you can’t motivate them to want to better themselves — maybe a simple understanding of where they started and where they are now & where they see themselves will be enough to encourage them to keep going. 

As a personal trainer & athlete, I have taught myself to love my body even on bad days but to always seek for improvement — because improvement is possible. If I want something bad enough, I work towards it at a reasonable pace that works best for me. I have taught my clients to say positive things about their bodies but to demand the change they want to see by working towards their goals with my help. The more we teach ourselves to accept the flaws but go after changes that allow us to grow; I believe it will create a body positive experience. 

Thanks for reading, comment, like, share and follow! 

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Shay-lon 

Building a positive social circle

I plan on getting back to the podcast soon that I created (been away from it for 3 months) and so to keep things fresh, I will probably do the Tips Tuesday — and gradually get back into things, don’t want to overwhelm myself with too much because of all the extra stuff I am now taking on. With this being said, I created this tip months ago, and I figured it is very important — something we should all aim for & that is:

 

Building a positive social circle.

 

What this means, is choosing to surround yourself with people who help to build you, motivate you, encourage you, and support you. We all have had people in our circle at one point who seemed like the debbie downer or the one that constantly complains about life and all the downs but never sees any positive things from it — but maybe some of us have been the negative one in our own circle (if this is true, change your outlook .. in order to gain the positive circle you seek). This is excluding those of us with mental illnesses that might play a part in our mindset, but even so with that illness, finding people who appreciate you and give you hope and have a concern for you and your life as much as you have for them is a start in the right direction. 

 

I am not perfect by any means, but since growing up and becoming more mature and making better adult decisions, I have gotten better at being alone until I meet people who have a good impact in my life instead of being friends and accepting everyone in my circle — I had to learn to be more picky because I get discouraged easy and I deal with my own demons and having a negative person who constantly brings me down, only creates more issues in the long term for me. Something we have to learn to do, is be picky as to who we allow in our lives and who we allow to impact our lives. Down below I list some ways to build a positive social circle:

 
 
  1. Be PICKY! Don’t allow anyone in, make sound decisions. Not everyone needs to be your friend
  2. Change your outlook/attitude about yourself – when you have a more positive outlook on yourself, people tend to gravitate towards you and in turn you make more relationships that are good relationships
  3. Respect people- Respect goes a long way in life, if you can respect others, normally it means they will have mutual respect for you
  4. Be open minded: Open minded individuals tend to see within a person vs the outer layer, they want a deeper connection with someone and in turn you truly start to build a stronger bond
  5. Compliment someone: Giving someone a reason to smile can make a difference — people will feel appreciated & it can make your day knowing you made someone else’s day. People enjoy compliments, truths about themselves that maybe they don’t see within them, but hearing it from someone else gives them a reason to continue being awesome! A simple compliment can carry a lot of weight
  6. Don’t be self absorbed: I always say there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself BUT you don’t want your circle to get tired of learning about you, when you become self absorbed everything revolves around you and that shows others that you don’t have their best interest in mind. I will just add that, being self absorbed can lead to bad relationships because everybody wants a chance to shine and when you take someone’s limelight to shine back on yourself, it comes off as arrogant. 
  7. Confidence is needed: Confidence is a necessity because people feed off someone who is confident with who they are, you need to carry yourself like you are proud of being alive, proud of who you are and proud of where you came from because it is what makes you, you! You might have a bad past but it doesn’t mean you are bad person, and you might have flaws but flaws don’t make you less of a person. 
  8. Think before you speak: We get in a habit with saying whatever is on our minds, which isn’t always bad, but it can lead to bad outcomes if we don’t think about how to go about things. If you keep other people’s feelings in mind, then you will have better outcomes, telling the truth isn’t bad but its how you say it that can make the whole difference. Take others into consideration before speaking too much of your mind. 
  9. Don’t be “two faced”: We all know what it means to be two faced “someone who smiles in your face but will talk behind your back when you leave” , yes, that’s very dishonest, rude and immature. Grow up, if you want people in your circle who are positive, don’t make it hard on yourself by giving them a reason to not trust you or like you. 
  10. Find people with similar hobbies: It can pay off when you acquaint yourself with those who share the same interest and hobbies as you, this makes life a little easier but don’t disregard those who are opposite because many times they can give us new experiences and allow us to step outside our comfort level. 
  11. Be true to SELF: Be real, be authentic, and be yourself. Changing for others will either end badly or last for a short period of time because you will run into all walks of life and having to shift who you are for each person will get tiring — change is good if it makes you into a better person and develops you mentally and physically and spiritually but when it becomes a change in order to “fit in” with people or groups of people, it drains you, overwhelms you, and reduces your chances of making deeper connections with people. Not everyone will like you, but those who do like you, will be worth it because they will see the best in you — 
 

Building a circle isn’t about being “popular” and most liked, it is about building a meaningful bond with people who take the time to build that same bond with you. Building a positive circle isn’t about having to smile and be happy everyday, it’s about building a circle that allows for bad days but doesn’t dwell on them — Shay-lon Moss 

 

A circle can be small (2-3 close friends) or a bigger circle (5-10 friends), or your family members — it doesn’t matter how big or small it is, it’s a circle that has your back no matter how deep the water gets; they motivate, support, and uplift you– they give you truths but don’t slam you with bad vibes — Shay-lon Moss

 

Have something you want to add to this list, feel free to leave in the comment section! 

Oct. 30th Monday Motivation!

Happy Monday Bloggers!

If You Are New To Fitness..

In Case The World Forgot…..

 

I do still make post that don’t have my workouts attached. Let’s be honest, the majority of people who aren’t into fitness, think it is stupid, waste of time, don’t understand it, don’t give a shit or were misinformed, they tend to to think fitness is about “showing off muscles”, over-confident assholes, girls who have fake tits on the cover of sports illustrated, men who are meatheads and talk about lifting but don’t have common sense and feel as though we go around bragging about our bodies and how much we can lift in order to make ourselves feel better. When I mention anything about working out, or fitness to someone who doesn’t participate in those activities, I get the complaint, the look of “wow.. yeah, I don’t workout.. not my thing”, the comment “eh.. I would much rather smash my face with food” and while I don’t mind those particular people and respect their feelings toward fitness, I want them to know, being hip to being a healthier person doesn’t have to mean all those stereotypes I get boxed in. 

 

Sure, we have the occasional assholes who think they are better than everyone else at the gym, the occasional “bitch” who seems to think because she is in shape, she can talk shit about the girl on a journey and the pretend trainers who think they know everything about fitness because they watch YouTube videos and their favorite celebrity icon is Arnold. WOW! — yeah.. those people might suck, but guess what? we also have people like myself who don’t have to pretend to know shit, because if I know it, I say it and if I don’t I find out, I don’t think I am better than anyone at the gym because GUESS WHAT? I’m not. I don’t talk shit about the girl/guy on their fitness journey because I used to be on mine and probably had the same people talking shit about me. It seems like we are a rare bunch, but really we aren’t; there is more of us out there and many of us can’t stand when people think highly of who we are because we are human just like you, we didn’t come out the womb with a 6 pack and a nice ass – we started from the beginning too. Sure, I don’t know what it is like to be you, and you don’t know what it is like to be me, all you see is it what I look like and assume that I have no bad days because I carry a confidence about me that I don’t allow to fall victim to people’s negative vibes – this could be you, but instead you are giving up, you are doing exactly what people do to you, to me by assuming that my story is any less important than yours and giving me shit about being fit to excuse your choices and wrong turns in life. 

 

So to help you out and get you thinking outside of the box – if you are new to fitness:

 
  • Give everyone a chance to tell you how they can relate to your journey instead of pretending that you are the only one with a soap box- who knows, you might just be shocked to hear some of our journeys. 
  • Don’t judge me for choosing to be healthy and choosing to work my ass off for the body I have (you have no idea how long it has taken me and I will be damn if you choose to make me feel like shit about it) INSTEAD.. how about you get to know me as a person instead of judging me for what I look like and the amount of time I spend inside a gym. 
  • Get rid of the negative people holding you back from feeling good about yourself, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE CONFIDENT, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. 
  • Don’t stay complacent, always strive for more. There is always room for progress mentally and physically (just cause you met your goal of losing 5 pounds doesn’t mean you stop doing what you are doing) – it means aim for new goals (appropriate goals, realistic goals) 
  • Develop a learning mindset instead of a know it all mindset. Don’t get mad at helpful criticisms, people normally want to help, not make you feel dumb.  
  • stop whining. Seriously, we get it.. you were a child who got made fun of, so have many people, you were in shape and drank too much and gained weight, we got it. No need to throw it in our faces to make us feel bad, seriously.. we respect what you went through but I don’t care about your past, let’s focus on what you are going to do about it now. Tell me your story but don’t throw it in my face when shit starts to get hard and you want to give up, because guess what? many people have been through some shit, your’s is not the worse case scenario. It is okay to go through dark times, and cry, and be mad.. but don’t make me feel like the monster who did it to you.. because I am only here to be supportive and help. For ex. “You have no idea what I have been through.. blah blah blah..” chances are I have been through some shit too, just different story. 
  • Don’t go into fitness comparing your results to other people’s results= this will end in disaster and make you even more anxiety ridden. This isn’t about competing against another person, this is about making yourself happy with yourself. 
  • To get your body right, have to have your mind right – balance is important. You might be strong physically but are you strong mentally.. this makes a difference, trust me. You might be lifting 500 lb squats but if you don’t have a good mindset , you won’t lift it.. because you don’t believe in yourself nor your capabilities and you have allowed your mind to keep your body from achieving. 
  • Don’t worry what others think of you, because chances are, they aren’t paying you any attention in the first place – if they are, they aren’t doing what they need to be doing (which is focusing on their own journey)
  • Don’t talk to us (people in the fitness industry)  like we are gods/goddesses, we aren’t. We enjoy compliments, but don’t forget we are human too, we have flaws, we have bad days and we struggle just like you do and when I am PMSing, I get bloated too, our abs don’t keep us from dying ya know.. we are HUMAN 🙂 
  • Don’t worry about lifting the heaviest weights and running the furthest distance – do you. Whatever you can do, do it and do it well.

If you want respect from us, respect us. Not all of us are the same, and I sure the hell don’t want to be a stereotype, I am Shay-lon and if you want to stereotype me to make yourself feel good, then do it, but don’t be shocked when you find out I don’t meet your expectations. Fitness isn’t about being the strongest, fastest, most athletic person in the world, fitness is about finding that burning desire to create something amazing out of yourself and conquering the very thing that kept you from starting in the first place. If you don’t know what fitness is about, the find out.. from someone who does. 

 

Thank you for reading,

 

Your Fitness Blogger,

Shay-lon xxx