365 days of self discovery day 17

What life lessons have books taught you?

  • Recently I have picked up reading again, all of them being used for “self help” and spirituality. I started them either based on recommendations from peers or for clarity after enduring something that caused me grief/sadness & needing to find ways to cope, and pick myself back up again. All of these books thus far have taught me to be kind to myself – there is a light at the end of every tunnel, no matter how dark it gets. The books that I have read with characters, plots, and mystery were used as amusement and an escape from my mind/ a way to get out of my own head. 

I know I have many people who follow my blog that read almost daily, and this would be an awesome question for you folks to answer since you have probably read way more books than myself. I would love to hear some answers and the kind of genre of book it was that taught you the lesson(s). 

Shay-lon

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Been Gone for awhile

If any of you follow me on social media, you are probably aware that I had a really downward spire rough week & avoided contact with social media, friends, family, etc. I won’t get into specifics, but I have been gone for quite a while (due to circumstances) happening in my life that came unplanned and unwanted — Today is my first day back on the blog & social media in “full swing” again. The past week or so hasn’t been easy and honestly, it is only because of prayer and having the courage to get back up again when I felt dark that I am even able to write about it. Naturally, sometimes circumstances give you a chance to look at yourself with more clarity and find ways to focus on self healing, self discovery and possibly rely on some form of spiritual sense. Well as cliche as it might sound, that’s exactly what this situation left me to do besides laying in bed all day with no motivation and no drive to talk or be apart of life’s endeavors — I have decided to take on some books that hopefully will be a positive force within my life and future & I have started meditation once more, hopefully sticking with it this time, I am going to take some steps to help myself journal my self discovery and really dive into myself & try to make myself happy with what I plan on doing. It will be some steps and quite the voyage, but I feel it will be worth it. 

I pretty much will be going back to my normal routine but with some added bonuses to my daily lifestyle & my main focus will be building myself emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally while building my career as a Personal Trainer. I know I have been back and forth with a schedule that works for my readers so that I stay more consistent with blogging & I plan on doing that as well (coming up with a schedule) and now that my mind is less overwhelmed, I will surely do this and let people know what will be happening with the blog(s). I have many topics but I have been working on a personal website for my business, and I plan on blogging there as well, so I want to leave many topics for that particular website when it gets finished up (& yes some topics will be from this blog as well/perhaps with a new frame of mind) I need to find a way to keep myself accountable with the self discovery and meditation — so I may decide to take part in a challenge for a year or use the blog to keep me on the right path (we shall see). I will be using a journal to document my daily thoughts, emotions, the agenda and events — good and bad to keep me aware of myself. Hopefully in the end, this is something that will help to heal and build me with a new form of appreciation for myself. 

I currently downloaded a meditation app that I have been doing for the past 4 days & it has been wonderful; if anyone wants information on it, feel free to ask, maybe we can connect. Outside of that, I will be back on social media tomorrow to reply and show support — I appreciate all of you whom have been nothing but a great positive force within my blog career and life. Much appreciated and looking forward to speaking soon!

P.S I don’t have a consistent plan/routine yet for my self healing or self discovery yet, so if you have nay books, any journals or articles (whatever resource) that you would recommend, feel free to leave it in the comments, as it would bring me great joy to further my research and find a way that works best for me through your help.

Shay-lon 

Thank You (Poem At The End)

I wanted to catch everyone up on why I haven’t been active on social media and my blog page as well.. and what is to come. 

 

Firstly, I want to say thank you to all of those who have left comments on my latest YouTube video and my blog post while I have been MIA – it truly means the world to me and while I did not respond to any of them, I did read them.. and it made me thankful that many of you were being as supportive as possible. 

 

Secondly, I apologize that all my viewers and blog friends and followers have not seen much of me on social media (including this blog) and I know it sucks because I have so much to write about and all you flock to my page to get the next big thing I have written; waiting patiently and none of you were prepared for this disappeared kind of moment. This was not fair to any of you – but I had to do what I had to do if it meant staying away for a while.

 

Thirdly, for those of you who aren’t caught up or new to the blog, this week has been full of emotional lows for me, I have been in rage, sad, frustrated, confused, and withdrew from close friends and family – for reasons I will not discuss on this blog or social media.. some may have guessed it or might have a clue as to why but I will not confirm those reasons for privacy reasons. I have a personal life that isn’t always something I want to discuss online. It has been very difficult for me, I haven’t been to the gym all week, I left the gym on Tuesday in tears and anger that I could not manage to go back all this week, I haven’t been eating much at all and my selections have not been healthiest at all – in all honesty I have been falling apart all week. The first to go was my mind, I lost it.. I was in my room crying most days and throwing shit other days of the week and all in all I missed out on tons of sleep to the point of not being able to function correctly. It wasn’t until partly yesterday I was slowly showing people support on Instagram again and trying to manage my emotions all at once.. it has been difficult but in the end.. we all have shitty days, right?

 

Fourthly, I will try to create a video Monday for all of you to get some updates.. and if I don’t you will have to excuse me because I still look horrible and although emotionally I feel like I am healing somewhat, I am not 100 percent yet. Not even close to it. I will continue to blog (starting today) and have even made it a point to start some new projects during this week of emotional rollercoasters.

 

Fifthly, I have given thought on starting a second blog that has nothing to do with fitness at all. It is a totally different spectrum and I will be honest, not sure what will come of it if I decide to do it but I feel like it could be a good thing for others as well as myself. I will continue this fitness blog – no worries, this is my FIRST love and my career and life, so this won’t be going away. Along with a new blog page means I will probably be creating a new facebook page dedicated to it, but that is all something I will start at later dates, I am taking this a day at a time. So be patient with me. 

 

Lastly, I have decided to share a simple poem with all of you I created within minutes of writing this post, hopefully all of you will enjoy it. I will be working on myself day my day because I want to make the most of my life with someone I adore and love and I want to better myself in all aspects of life and I want to blossom into something that I know I am capable of! All of your emails, comments, and social media messages have been read and I am in so much ‘ahh’ at all how many of you were by my side during this time, I am blessed beyond belief to have an online family who stands by my corner but I also want to thank all my close friends and family for keeping me on the up and up even when I was falling into pieces in front of you, you are my heros and I love you!

 

Poem:

I fell on my face, nothing could pick me back up

for all this time, I thought I wasn’t enough

sometimes the mental pain drains me, and my body hates me,

the insanity that takes over me – has me going crazy

 

the smile on my face gave me such distaste, pretending to be happy 

in order to survive this phase. 

It takes strength to grow but I didn’t know it would take so much pain

for every flower around me withered at my downward spiral that I gained

 

You won’t understand my story,  it has no end but many beginnings

You won’t understand my words, they are spoken while drinking henny,,

You won’t understand me, because I am everything in between..

This poem is only a small dose of me.

 

-Shay-lon Moss (this poem was created by me and copyrighted)

 

Thanks for reading, 

 

Fitness WonderWoman

 
 

Bipolar Disorder (Mental Health)

Well Hello Bloggers, 

We are back for another blog post and today’s entails mental health. Today will be about being bipolar, what it means to be diagnosed with bipolar, the types of treatment they recommend, and some other odds and ends. If you know someone who is bipolar, or if you, yourself has been diagnosed with being bipolar, do not be ashamed of it, and do not feel as though every case is the same. I realize this information will be vague, so please fill us in with more information, experiences, stories, etc in the comment section and share this post with others so I can help bring awareness. 

What does being bipolar mean?

Good question! The bipolar disorder is having mood swings that range from depressive lows to maniac highs. In other words, going from a very low state to a very high state in your moods. Each individual has some differences. 

 

Fun Fact:

There are different forms of bipolar: bipolar 1 disorder, bipolar 2 disorder, cyclothymic disorder. Now this is 2017 and things might have changed, but from my knowledge these are the main groups but this doesn’t mean there are not others written somewhere. 

Bipolar 1 disorder:

Maniac episodes that last atleast seven days and/or manic episodes that are severe enough to have a person end up in the hospital.  Some people will experience depressive episodes as well that can last up to two weeks. 

Bipolar 2 disorder:

A pattern of depressive episodes and hypomanic episodes but NOT full blown maniac episodes.

 

Cyclothymic Disorder:

Numerous periods of hypomanic episodes and depressive symptoms that are known to last two years (and 1 year for children and adolescents). 

 

Signs and Symptoms:

 
  1. Manic episode (signs/symptoms)
  • Feeling very “high” or elated
  • Usually has a lot of energy
  • Increased activity levels
  • “jumpy” or “wired”
  • sometimes have issues with sleeping
  • Talk really fast
  • could be agitated, irritable or touchy
  • feel as though their thoughts are going really fast
  • Usually believe they can manage a lot of things at once
  • Do risky things that aren’t always wise decisions

     2. Depressive episode (signs/symptoms)

  • Feeling of sadness, empty or loneliness
  • very little energy
  • decreased activity levels
  • may sleep too much or too little
  • don’t feel as though they can enjoy anything
  • feeling much worry
  • tend to forget things a lot
  • Eating too much or too little
  • feeling tired
  • sometimes thinks of death or suicide

Fun Fact:

It possible for some to have symptoms of both, called “mixed features”  (they may feel very sad and hopeless but at the same time have tons of energy). 

 

Many people with bipolar disorder may even have mood swings that are less extreme and can still manage to function, feel good, highly productive (the person may not feel as if anything is wrong) but normally family and friends can see the difference in their moods and actions. If these people don’t seek help they could end up with severe mania or depression. 

 

Some have bipolar along with other mental health conditions and some have symptoms of other illnesses, so it makes it difficult for one to diagnose someone with this disorder. People with bipolar disorder are said to be at higher risk of thyroid disease, migraine headaches, heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. 

 

There are cases where someone with bipolar may have psychotic symptoms as well (hallucinations, and/or delusions). 

 

Anxiety is usually also diagnosed with those with bipolar disorder.

 

A higher chance of possible substance abuse, perform poorly at work/school, relationship problems. 

Possible Risk Factors:

  • Genetics
  • Family history
  • brain structure and functioning

Treatment possibilities:

  • Medications
  • Psychotherapy
  • Electroconvulsive therapy

Keep in mind that bipolar disorder is a life long illness. Also remember to speak with a specialist and/or doctor who can be of more assistance to yourself and others. Thank you for reading!

 

Your Fitness Blogger,

Shay-lon xoxo

 

Crying in a pool full of tears

relationship-unknown

It’s scary to think it was just a month ago, I had found someone who made me feel alive and wanted for the first time in a long time.  It will be almost two months and I never thought for a second I would be at this point in the relationship where I am faking a smile, burying my head in pillows, and feeling less than my best on a constant basis. See, my partner and I click well, we have this ultimate relationship, this firework, this bolt of lightening that can grasp the attention of others. Nothing in a relationship is perfect, hell we live 4 hours away from one another and make it work because we care about each other and enjoy seeing one another. I got lucky with this one, blessed with this one, not letting go of this one, can’t get them off my mind kind of person and yet you are wondering why I am “drowning in a pool of tears”? My partner just figured out that they may have PTSD from their past relationship (they were in a mentally abusive relationship prior to dating me) and they didn’t realize how it would effect them now in this relationship, but they mentioned their tolerance would be low and they would be in “moods”, “not knowing what they want”, and random “sadness, annoyed, frustrated” etc. My ex had PTSD as well, and I was able to handle it for the most part, but everyone is different, nothing is the same for everyone, I even have a friend with PTSD and she was able to help me understand it in such a way that made sense. Now, my partner did her research (not see a specialist) and figures it would have to be the answer, but it could be a multitude of things, but nonetheless, I trust them. I decided to do my own research of it to refresh my mind and it can be difficult for relationships, friendships, life, etc, but I decided I could stick through this, because I care about them very much.  I let them know they could count of me for support and I would stay by their side no matter how bad it gets, and I continue to make that promise, because I refuse to give up on them.  

Normally, I am not the type to blast everything over the internet about my business, but sometimes I need to vent and instead of talking to someone one-on-one, I blog about it or write about it, not for the advice or help, but in hopes it releases the pressure from my brain and others can relate to my story.  My partner asked me for a break, space and told me to calm down.. as if they knew I would panic (which I would have, if I had not been sick at the time), I felt weak, I felt at fault, I felt like I lost a bestfriend/my babe/my reason to smile most days. I reassure them that it was fine and that I understood, and would give them the space they needed, in hopes it would be helpful because I am not sure what they are going through or how they feel, but I imagine it had to be bad if it came down to this. Every relationship needs its space, needs its bumps and obstacles, some go through more than others. I decided to suck it up and be STRONG, suck up my tears and focus on my week ahead, suck it up and smile, suck it up and push through this because I have to, I have to know that this is temporary because I refuse to be negative. I had been doing good, getting good news from editors, and I tried to put my best face on to avoid questions, to avoid embaressment, to get by at work, I thought no one could see through my smile and recognize my worry, my tears from the previous night, the sad songs streaming through my mind and the lack of interest in conversation, but people seen, people asked, people shared their advice and people listened & didn’t laugh, it all helped but it didn’t mend. 

Friday will be a week since talking to my partner, I miss the good morning text, the goodnight calls, the counting down to see each other, the “have a good day at work”, I miss texting you telling you how beautiful you are, I miss giving you all my attention, I miss the quick good byes; talk to you after work kind of days, holding you close to me, being told “I am the only one you want”, having you as my go to when everything seemed upside down in my life, your advice. I realize we have bickered, but nothing worth being upset about for more than 5 minutes, I know you need this space babe, so I want to give it to you, I am not leaving your side and I am going to patiently await your return because I don’t give up, and because I miss you like crazy but I am strong, I am trying, I am here for you when you are ready.  This wasn’t meant to be easy, our relationship wasn’t meant to be perfect and I will continue to make mistakes and learn from them, but don’t you forget I am here, I am here. 

We had planned on me coming down Oct. 2nd, I have been praying and staying positive in hopes I will hear from them before then. “The strongest people are the ones who have been hurt and still manage to get up” -Shay-lon Moss

Yours Truly,

Shay-lon xoxo

 

Depression.

Hey bloggers, today I want to put a spin on things and talk about mental health.  Although my blog is dedicated to fitness, I dedicate the other half of my blog (health) to both physical and mental health. I believe many people have struggled with some kind of mental health during the period of their life, whether it was depression, anxiety, stress, bipolar, etc.  In my blog post today, I want to speak on depression specifically but do know that I will have post in the future of other mental health diagnosis as well, I figure I will get to each of them at some point and when new ones come streaming out, I will make myself aware of those as well. For the majority of people who have struggled with mental health, they do not particularly enjoy talking about it; it is of the past, and they want to move on. Reason being, well there are many reasons, but I know my reason was shame, and because I didn’t want people to pass judgement on me. There was once a period of time where mental health problems were considered an “omen” and people thought anyone with these issues should be hospitalized and treated differently because they were not in their “right mind”. Now I was not born nor did I live in those days, so I will not be able to give specifics on how people were treated, but I assure you, it was not pleasant.  For those of you who struggle with depression or have struggled with depression, I want to make you aware that you are not alone and if you want to speak on it to enlighten people or share your experience, feel free or if you need someone to talk to, also feel free to contact me. I may not be able to diagnosis or treat your problem, but I can be an ear to listen to your voice and maybe share some of my downward spirals.. and positive stories. Nonetheless, I do not want anyone to feel out of place or feel any less about themselves because of what they have or are going through.  “We all have skeletons in our closets, some people are better at hiding them” -Shay-lon

For starters, my depression/stress was never diagnosed or treated with medication.  I never went to see a specialist nor did I even think to do that, it was considered “weird” at the time I though to seek help from someone outside of friends or family. I didn’t want to be labelled “crazy” or “weird” or “fucked up” , etc.. and I surely did not believe I needed help from people who did not even know me.  Mine in particular was probably minor compared to a lot of people’s, and mine had spurts where it was moderate due to the relationship I was in at the time.  I think part of my depression happened while dating the first partner I was with, the relationship became toxic and mentally exhausting.. I sunk into a deep hole and didn’t know who I was anymore. I was only 18 at the time, so still young and living life, but not able to cope with relationships and was horrible with handling arguments because they stressed me out.  Another reason I believe I had depression was because of what I had to see and endure as a young child with my mom’s relationships.  It was heartbreaking and yet I was too young to make any kind of stand but I remember each of them like it happened yesterday.  I won’t go into specifics because I don’t think that is necessarily important but I will say it reruns in my mind now whenever she has dated someone, only because I have learned to not trust any man she has dated.. it was programmed in my head because of all of the anger instilled in me. I think sometimes my mom didn’t know her self worth, but that is a discussion for a later time.  Most of you are probably wondering if my mom and I’s relationship is toxic, well not exactly, we have our rough patches and more so than not we bump heads.  I won’t say we can’t be civil but when it comes to her dating, I cannot let go of the past sometimes.  Although I am learning fairly quickly, I know longer need to give a shit because I have MY OWN LIFE to live and have to focus on my well-being now.  I also believe the fact that I was moving state to state after 9th grade and losing and gaining friends, it might have taken a toll on me quite a bit, I was unstable and not able to grow bonds that lasted because I was constantly preparing myself for the time I would leave and getting close to someone meant being hurt and sad when it was time for us to move again.  I think having to worry about fitting in and constantly being made light of as a child, might have been a beginning of my hurt and pain. 

I think the cherry on the pie was the fact I didn’t have any family at my high school graduation, that really burnt me, and the reasoning is beyond stupid, I am sure a guilt my mom and my younger brother will have to deal with in their own time and stepdad at the time.. However, at this time we were all seeing a therapist to sort out our differences, I pretty much came out the box and said how I felt and it felt decent but my mom isn’t one for wanting others to feel how they feel, confusing, yes. Which is one of the many reasons why our relationship is tainted. Something I am in no rush of fixing anymore, like I said I have my own life now.. worrying about fixing shit that could have been nipped in the bud back when is no longer on my agenda. To make the story short, because this isn’t about me.. there are many other reasons that obviously play into my past depressive episodes but the moral of the story is “you don’t know what someone has gone through just by looking at them”-Shay-lon Hopefully with my opening up to all of you, you won’t feel the need to hide behind walls, like I said I have yet to be diagnosised and don’t take medication because mine is more minor than anything and I have gotten past it! thankfully, but stress, well that probably isn’t going away anytime soon! 

Depression- Feeling helpless, hopeless and worthless that last many days to weeks and keep you from functioning normally.

There are many types of depression and I may not hit them all but here is a short list of some: 

  • Chronic depression
  • Bipolar Depression 
  • Major depression
  • Seasonal depression
  • Psychotic depression
  • Postpartum depression
  • Substance induced mood disorder
  • Atypical depression
  • Pre-menstrual disorder depression
Common symptoms: (not everyone will have these symptoms, it will depend on the severity, the length of time and how frequent they occur)
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering details and making decisions
  • Fatigued and decreased energy
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
  • Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
  • Insomnia, early morning wakefulness or excessive sleeping
  • Irritability, restlessness
  • loss of interest in hobbies or activities that once brought you pleasure
  • loss of pleasure in life
  • loss in interest of sex
  • overeating or appetite loss
  • persistent aches or pains (headaches, cramps or digestive problems)
  • Persistent sad, anxious or “empty” feelings
  • Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts
There is mania and hypomania depressive episodes. Anyone can have depression, kids, teens, adults alike.  
 
Major depression: if you feel depressed most of the time for most days of the week
  1. Usually diagnosed if you have 5 of the above symptoms or more on most days for two weeks or longer.  One of the symptoms needs to be depressed mood or loss of interest in activities. 
  2. Usually talk therapy can help
  3. sometimes medication is prescribed
Persistent depression (Dysthymia): Depression that last 2 years or longer
  1. Usually treated with psychotherapy or medication and sometimes both
Seasonal Disorder: A period of major depression that most often happens in the winter months.
  1. Antidepressant can help
  2. some type of “light” therapy treatment
Psychotic depression: Have major depression but with psychotic symptoms as well
  1. Hallucinations
  2. Delusions
  3. Paranoia 
  4. most people will take a combination of antidepressant and anti-psychotic drugs 
  5. ECT could also be an option
Postpartum depression: Women with major depression in the weeks and months after childbirth.
  1. Antidepressant drugs are usually prescribed.
So hopefully this is something people will stay aware of, and make others aware of. Depression is not a joke, it should be taken seriously ALL THE TIME. If you know someone with depression, this is the time to be by their side more so, because depression can become very severe and can lead to much harsher things in the long run if not treated or given appropriate care in time. Also, if you are someone who struggles with depression, do not be like myself who ignored help, I am a bad example of how to go about handling it, yes I came out of it on my own and yes I am not diagnosed or treated for it, but honestly.. it wasn’t an easy road and it isn’t something everyone can do on their own. I highly recommend you make others in your life aware of your situation and allow for someone to help you if possible.  Please share this blog post among people you know and social media platforms because I definitely want to be part of the movement in helping those that suffer from mental illnesses, this should never be taken lightly and the more people are aware and informed, the less it will become of this social omen.  I would highly recommend that if you would like more information, that you speak with someone who is a specialist, someone who has suffered from depression and do your own research as well, because you never know who close to you may suffer from it and trust me it is better to know than turn a blind eye. Thank you for reading.
Your fitness blogger,
Shay-lon xoxo