Are you comfortable looking in the mirror?
- I haven’t always been. During my junior and senior year of college I struggled with looking in the mirror and even when I was younger I didn’t particularly enjoy looking in a mirror so I carried the habit of avoiding mirrors through my adulthood (unless I HAD to). It took a professor of mine to make it a habit of me having to look in a mirror while exercising to watch my form and technique — before I could do it at the gym & it not bother me. At the time, it was due to my weight gain that I avoided the mirrors and didn’t particularly enjoy seeing myself in the mirror because it was like a constant reminder that I looked gross. I had never had weight issues growing up — always been healthy and lean / so when this happened it terrified me and angered me and gave me anxiety and made me more self conscious about my appearance overall. Now, I have my days where I avoid the mirror in general besides when lifting out of habit when I don’t feel or look the best (but doesn’t have much to do with my body) more so, my overall appearance & I don’t like looking at myself in the fitting room mirrors [[ never have]] because they all differ and many times give me a bad perception of how I look compared to how I feel.
I have never been comfortable looking in a mirror, so now that I feel more comfortable doing so when I need to or when lifting at the gym, I feel I have come a long way from that fear — and it shows my growth and trying to overcome an obstacle of self worth.
Are you getting enough sleep? If not, why do you think that is?
- In the past I failed to get enough sleep, I was maybe getting 2 hours a day if that most days & now I am making more of an effort but still feel as though I am missing out on sleep due to working two jobs & one being third shift. I brought this to my doctors attention recently and she recommended some home remedies and over the counter meds that could be beneficial if necessary. I am aiming for at least 6 hours of sleep a day for starters and eventually hoping to bring it up. During the weekends, I am able to sleep in — so getting enough sleep is never an issue but during the week — it gets pretty tough.
What changes could you make to improve your physical health?
Again, physical health is very important to me and one that many Americans deem not important until the unexpected happens — I am a firm believer that when one takes care of their physical health it can make the difference in their attitude and how they carry themselves. Personally, this list is for me but doesn’t mean that others can not take this same advice or follow suit, and as always, if you find other things you want to add to the list, feel free to do so in the comments.
- Have my annual check ups with my doctor
- Take care of my oral hygiene
- staying active outside of the gym
- eat less processed foods
- take care of skin and hair
- drink water daily
- again, get enough sleep
Who did you last spend quality time with? Why do you think you connect well with that person?
- I spent time with my mom, youngest brother & my 11 year old cousin. I connect well with these people due to the fact I have known them their whole lives practically, and they are my family, I love them and adore them — I enjoy being around my cousin whom I don’t see often because my aunt moved away to another state, I have a close relationship with my youngest brother. and my mom, well when we get along, she is fun to hang with.
What’s one thing do you wish someone would say to you?
- “I am proud of you and how far you have come, the amount of growth you have shown and where you want to go in life. I want to continue to see you do wonderful things, follow your dreams, excel at whatever you choose to do & to always keep your head up and look ahead no matter the obstacles. The beauty you seek is within you, you just have to believe”.
Is there a relationship in your life that you would like to change? How would you change it?
There are a few relationships in my life currently that I would like to change — all of which needed changed years ago but still haven’t reached the point where I am satisfied, more like content because it has improved but not more than a little steps forward and 100 steps backwards.
- The relationship between me and my younger brother (24) — we are 3 years apart so we have grown up together and I feel as though our relationship/bond is not there; it is forced or neglected. I have raised my hand and tried to connect & find a way to bond but he pushes it away or ignores it and it sucks because I think as siblings, we should be a lot closer than what we are & I always hope he will eventually jump on board or at least TRY, but fails to do so for whatever reason. Neither one of us is perfect but our relationship is not healthy– it is more or less a battle that has been going on for years & instead of displaying it for the world to see, we tend to hide it and pretend nothing is wrong– I feel as though he has grown to be more arrogant in general but especially towards me, he feels more superior and thinks everything he says is right, he has the support of my mom (which is another not great relationship I have), he lacks any form of respect towards me as human and finds joy in making me feel like crap most of the time. I’d love to get to the point where we can hang out and really be involved in each others lives but so far it hasn’t happened.
- The relationship between my mom and myself, this one has shown improvement but again not enough where it stays consistent. I feel as though my mom will always have conditions for her love when it comes to me compared to my sibling. It shows and it gets old and my grandmother witnesses it & while I do love my mom and wouldn’t wish anything bad to happen to her, I feel myself steady detaching myself from her and my younger brother & unless something changes between now and the next year, I will find myself without either one of them being apart of my life due to my own choice because I don’t want a relationship like this for the rest of my life, and I need positive supportive people in my life who love me without conditions & don’t have me feeling like I have to constantly prove myself worthy of their love.
- The relationship with one or both of my cousins — we don’t have a relationship really, because we don’t talk besides the holidays and even then, not much is said between us & I want that to change but honestly, I don’t know how I would go about it at this rate because I don’t know if I am willing to make the first move in hopes they take to it. I would agree that I should be the bigger person or TRY but at the same time, I get sick of trying and failing or feeling like I am overextending myself to be let down or made a fool at the end of the road. I think when it comes to this relationship, I would like to see her make the first move and hopefully I am receptive of it in return.
This was a good question indeed, it really made me analyze the type of relationships I have with my family & friends honestly & it also made me aware of what would need to be done in order for it to be salvaged or maintained in a healthy way. I like to hope by this time next year, all three of these relationships are better and have shown great improvement or steps towards it and I will have positive things to share but I can’t hold my breathe. I don’t like playing victim but at the same time I don’t like taking fault for things that I didn’t choose to do & I would like for my family members to take some form of responsibility in this and at least try to talk about it with me or make some form of change that opens a door for discussion & peace.