365 days of self discovery: Day 49

10.21.18

What is your reaction when you don’t get what you want?

  • Quite a funny question, due to the fact, I like to assume we have all somewhat had this happen & maybe we weren’t happy about it, but I will assume none of through a tantrum? or did we? lol. Well, growing up in my household, my mom always made sure me and my brother had what we need and most of our wants/if not all; so I never knew what it was like to go without something — and when there would be that ONE time where I really wanted something because someone else had it, and my mom failed to get it for me, I just assumed it was because we couldn’t afford it at the time and would try my hardest to not allow it to bother me (but we know people start to ask questions and so sometimes my classmates or teammates would ask me why I don’t have it, or when I would get it) and I would just make up some kind of lie or rather just pretend I didn’t give a shit about it to want it. Sometimes it helped and sometimes it didn’t & to be honest, I only remember one time of that happening & my coach would then chime in and try to help pay for it (it was a team hoodie) and my mom just didn’t have the funds right away to get it for me, not to mention it wasn’t her only priority and my coach would then ask me about it and after finding out my mom’s reason for me not having it, I don’t remember if my coach helped to afford it or if my mom just ended up paying for it later on.. either way, that probably has been the only time. Regardless, as I got older, I was then taught in order to get something I wanted, I needed to earn it with either getting a job and making money or doing something around the house that was well worthy the prize. At first it was annoying (to be fair, I didn’t get my first job until I was 18) and it wasn’t like my chores were all that hard, I was just being a lazy teen. I was really living a life of luxury, my mom did our laundry and folded our clothes, etc, hell I didn’t have to do my first batch of laundry until I was like 21 or 22  I think? lol so I can’t really say my life was hard, it wasn’t. Anyways, after obtaining my first job, and having paid for something for the first time with my own money, it felt really good to say I could afford something I wanted and then on, I kind of got used to it UNTIL I quit my job by not showing up for work & my mom didn’t find out til like later on and yeah, so I have to say, I also didn’t particularly want to work but somewhere down the line I ended up getting another job and keeping it much longer. Now that I much older than I was, and don’t rely on my mom for finances; I have had to endure things that humbled me to the point where I had to make certain sacrifices in order to obtain something I wanted, and with those experiences came a better attitude and means of handling things when I don’t get what I want. Sometimes I will still get frustrated or upset depending on the situation but many times, I shrug it off and move on.  
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365 days of Self Discovery: Day 46

10.18.18

What is the best gift somebody could give you?

  • Food, LOL. JK, but seriously I would have to say, making themselves apart of my life in a positive way for a long period of time. The gift of time is a beautiful thing, so when people make me apart of their life, they are also giving me their time (and time is something we don’t always have enough of, or know when it will come to an end) so when someone gives me their time, their presence in a positive way, I believe it is a true gift.

365 days of self discovery: Day 45

10.17.18

What one thing can you not give up?

  • I would either say food, because I love eating and/or the gym because I couldn’t imagine having to give up the gym and not being able to workout  — it would probably make me very uncomfortable since I have made it apart of my life for so long. 
What’s something you can’t give up? I am sure everyone can name at least one if not more. share it in the comments and don’t forget to like, share, and follow! 
 
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365 days of self discovery: Day 43

10.15.18

What have you recently learned about yourself?

  • I have learned that I don’t tolerate people’s drama and bullcrap — whereas before I would be afraid to have some form of confrontation with an individual due to them either bringing some form of drama to my life, or having something negative to say about me, but I have learned since then that I am capable of handling myself if need be in situations & that I don’t have to put up with people treating me like crap. I have also learned that I am capable of ignoring people if I find the problem is not worthy of a reaction, I don’t particularly love ignoring it, but I will if I feel as though it is a waste of my time otherwise. I have also learned that I am pretty uptight about making friends, I enjoy making new friends, but I am setting my own boundaries as to who I will allow in my life & what parts of my life I shall keep private from those I don’t want a relationship/friendship with. 

365 days of self discovery: Day 40

Could you be more focused? How will you achieve this?

  • Yes, I do want to become more focused because I believe it will help to keep me motivated and help me to avoid distractions. I will research different methods that have been known to help others stay focused & do a trial and error, along with continuing to use meditation.

self discovery day 40

365 days of self discovery: Day 39

How do you focus?

  • As of now, I use meditation to help me focus. It has been a learning curve, but has taught me to zero in on certain thoughts while not allowing outside disturbances to interfere and when I get lost in thought, to focus in on my breathing and readjust. This has been helpful for me for when I need to focus in on something specifically & block out the distractions. Thus far, this has been my only method of focusing I have taken part in. 
How do most of you focus, what ways have you found that have worked for you? share in the comments & don’t forget to like, follow and share! 

I don’t live my life to Appease you

Not anymore.

It is within our nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to “fit in” and feel like we can have a common place with someone else. We strive to be this person that people can say they like, talk highly about and want to be around on a more constant basis. It’s almost like we do things in order to prove we are worthy of these things, but what for? because popularity is a form of what we would consider “love”, and people like feeling loved — and cared for. It’s without a doubt, a great indicator of who we are and how we perceive ourselves because in the mist of wanting to be this “popular” buzz, we find out what sacrifices we had to make in order to appease the crowd & how those same sacrifices effect our character. Sometimes by being the “crowds favorite person” you find out that you had to sell your soul to the devil (metaphorically speaking) and once you decide to sell yourself short in order to gain a couple new friends, you don’t get to make another bargain. It’s a final sale & there are no refunds, you gave away yourself in order to buy a new face — you prided yourself for the amount of people who speak about you, but not everyone stays around long enough to meet the real you, when you finally have had a enough exhaustion for one day & need a break from it all, you have to remember it comes with a losing sacrifice, you lose out on the people you gained and you lost the ones who accepted you without change — but because of your greedy mind and wishful thinking, you have nobody at the end of this tunnel if you don’t stick with this mask that made you phenomenal. 

I created this writing as a piece to dedicate to myself & to those who have or once had lived to appease. They lived their lives constantly wanting someone to notice them, wanting to be their friend, wanting to be apart of something grand because for so long they weren’t happy with what they had, even if what they had was pure. Sometimes we want to strive for bigger & better but not always is this the best path, it can come with consequences if you don’t read the small bold print at the bottom of the contract and has its been known to change a person’s character and scar them. For we don’t get to choose who we meet, but if who we meet changes who we are for the worst, than maybe we need to reconsider how we go about letting people in. To appease someone else by changing yourself is like living a life with half truths. Not everyone was meant to like you, the true you, some will deem it “not good enough” ; but what isn’t good enough for them was good enough for those who stayed by your side no matter your flaws. If ONLY one person deemed you “good enough” , that one person is worthy of your love because that one person didn’t ask you to conform but instead asked you to be yourself in exchange for their true selves. We don’t have to unmask ourselves to see the face, we only have to question if who we really are, is the mask we put on everyday. Don’t live to appease, live to be loved and to be cared for 100 percent, live to be you, live to be true and never live to fit in because tears will flood the eyes who have reached their own demise. 

Shay-lon

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