365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 92

12.03.18

Are you a good communicator?

  • At a very young age up until late high school, I struggled with my socialization skills & communicating with peers. Especially when it came to voicing my opinion, confrontations, debates, communicating my feelings/thoughts to others, etc. It wasn’t that I was anti-social or didn’t have any friends, I was very outgoing (still am) and had friends, but I was what most would probably consider “awkward”; Having a conversation with someone was harder due to my social anxiety — being a class clown all my life was my way of communicating and making friends, it seemed so much easier to find ways to make people laugh, than it was trying to talk to people in normal day to day conversations. I have many reasons as to why I feel as though I was struggling with this, mostly with other women vs men. I was a tomboy, so being one of the guys and hanging with my younger brother was my way of trying to fit in, vs hanging out with a bunch of girls from school. At a young age, I knew I was different, but it didn’t strike me as hard until I realized that maybe I had an attraction towards the same sex, and this just made communicating / socializing even harder at times. As I got older, I started to learn to open up to people more and had more conversation & my class clown acts weren’t as rapid, but after suffering from  losing friends, and having to move to different states/change schools, my communication skills started to once again dwindle because of my social anxiety from not knowing anyone. At the same time I had a hard time communicating with my own parent, my mom wasn’t the easiest lady talking to growing up (still has her moments now) because she is both stubborn and stuck in her ways and she believes what she says, goes — so I didn’t really have the confidence to speak up to her about certain matters until later in life. I’d say now, my communication skills aren’t perfect & I still have social anxiety, but I am better at voicing my opinion to peers, better at communicating my feelings within relationships and with close friends & I have gotten better at trying to voice my thoughts to my mom (even when she doesn’t seem to want to hear about it), regardless, I am glad this is something I have learned to excel at, and having taken a communication class in college, helped me to be able to talk in front of others with less fear. The hardest thing is keeping in touch with people — I am not good at doing that. 
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365 days of self discovery: day 12

9.14.18

What are you most thankful for?

To say the least, I am thankful for many things in my life that sometimes I take for granted. I am learning to focus on what I do have and not so much of what I am missing or don’t have, because in the scheme of things, I have more than what others may say for themselves. For me being thankful and listing all the good things I have going for me isn’t enough for this post because I am willing to bet, we can all be thankful for the shelter we have, food we eat, water we drink, and perhaps the luxuries our income enabled us to buy and live as such. Those are all things most people should be thankful for, but in my world I have something more special to be thankful due to my lifestyle. 

I am most thankful for having a mom and brothers who accept me no matter my sexuality & whom I have chosen to love me and not turn me away or shun me or make me feel inferior to them due to my sexuality. I am blessed with this support because I have heard and have known many cases where families have disowned their children because of it or sent them away to ‘change them’, they have ridiculed them or judged them, and have chosen to turn the cheek when their child only needed and wanted love and support. I have to admit, it hasn’t always been easy to be open with my family but I think their love outweighs their beliefs and my mom never allowed her belief in God or the bible to outweigh her love for me and support of me. I love her for that, always will because this is something that truly makes me happiest when I think of things I am thankful for. 

What is something that you are thankful for, something with a deep meaning or significant part of your life that others might not be able to say for themselves? We should all be thankful for something, because it can always be taken away from us as fast as we got it. Nothing is guaranteed forever.

Shay-lon