365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 92

12.03.18

Are you a good communicator?

  • At a very young age up until late high school, I struggled with my socialization skills & communicating with peers. Especially when it came to voicing my opinion, confrontations, debates, communicating my feelings/thoughts to others, etc. It wasn’t that I was anti-social or didn’t have any friends, I was very outgoing (still am) and had friends, but I was what most would probably consider “awkward”; Having a conversation with someone was harder due to my social anxiety — being a class clown all my life was my way of communicating and making friends, it seemed so much easier to find ways to make people laugh, than it was trying to talk to people in normal day to day conversations. I have many reasons as to why I feel as though I was struggling with this, mostly with other women vs men. I was a tomboy, so being one of the guys and hanging with my younger brother was my way of trying to fit in, vs hanging out with a bunch of girls from school. At a young age, I knew I was different, but it didn’t strike me as hard until I realized that maybe I had an attraction towards the same sex, and this just made communicating / socializing even harder at times. As I got older, I started to learn to open up to people more and had more conversation & my class clown acts weren’t as rapid, but after suffering from  losing friends, and having to move to different states/change schools, my communication skills started to once again dwindle because of my social anxiety from not knowing anyone. At the same time I had a hard time communicating with my own parent, my mom wasn’t the easiest lady talking to growing up (still has her moments now) because she is both stubborn and stuck in her ways and she believes what she says, goes — so I didn’t really have the confidence to speak up to her about certain matters until later in life. I’d say now, my communication skills aren’t perfect & I still have social anxiety, but I am better at voicing my opinion to peers, better at communicating my feelings within relationships and with close friends & I have gotten better at trying to voice my thoughts to my mom (even when she doesn’t seem to want to hear about it), regardless, I am glad this is something I have learned to excel at, and having taken a communication class in college, helped me to be able to talk in front of others with less fear. The hardest thing is keeping in touch with people — I am not good at doing that. 
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365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 84

11.25.18

Are you an introvert or extrovert?

  • I consider myself a little bit of both, but mostly an extrovert by nature (when I know someone well enough). The introvert side of me, is due to my social anxiety — I love being sociable & consider myself very outgoing and adventurous but sometimes my social anxiety gets the best of me and hinders me & I’m less likely to talk, less outgoing in fear of what people may think of me or due to the environment/or uncomfortable situation & many times the feeling of being overwhelmed triggers my anxiety as well (overwhelmed by the number of people, the feeling of not belonging, or feeling as though everyone is paying exceptional attention to me because I stick out). As an extrovert, I challenge my introverted side by doing things with friends and learning to do things on my own so that I can depend on me & feel comfortable in my own space without having to feel as though I need someone in order to do something. 

How many of my readers are introverts? How many of you are extroverts? are you a mixture of both, why?

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 61

11.02.18

Do you find it easy asking for “help”?

  • Growing up, I avoided asking for help; especially in school. Instead of raising my hand in class, I’d usually go home and and try to figure it out; or wait until a teacher or college professor would notice my struggle & reach out to help me. Many times my college professors or high school teachers would recommend that  I seek assistance after class or school with them or with a tutor, but I’d never be one to go. Asking for help just made me feel uncomfortable due to social anxiety and because I wanted to blend in/fit in with everyone else who understood the subject matter. Not to mention, I don’t particularly enjoy the spotlight having to raise my hand in class if I don’t understand something. The ONE time that I reached out for help on my own, was when I was failing math class or on the brink of failing a math class in college & I had to pass it, in order to graduate that same year, so I reached out to a family member who then helped me to pass  — but that literally was down to the wire before I asked. Now, I still don’t particularly like having to ask for help — and try to avoid doing so, but at the same time I know if necessary, I am fully capable of asking for help if I need it. 

365-Days of Self Discovery

Day Four

What are your worst traits?

this is one of those questions where people become vulnerable and scare of how people will perceive them after admitting to their flaws. It is almost like we have this thought, that because we have these traits that aren’t so good, we are somehow damaged goods that nobody wants; but in my opinion, it can be quite liberating to talk about our flaws, because it gives you a sense of humbleness and allows for you to re-evaluate yourself and choices. Many people don’t think about their character flaws, so this question is good for that purpose, it is good to talk about what characteristics about yourself need work. We are human, so everyone has a flaws, sometimes we see them and sometimes we don’t. 

My traits I consider to be worst:

  1. I can be somewhat judgemental towards people due to their outer appearance or how they present themselves
  2. I have a hard time speaking to people/engaging in conversation without rambling or having an awkwardness about me because of my social anxiety
  3. My anger, how abrupt it can be without thought
  4. My ego, I don’t realize sometimes that my confidence can come off as arrogant to some people and perceive me as snobby or “above” them. 
  5. My own self doubt, I know I mentioned how ambitious and motivated I am, BUT many times, I give up putting in effort into something when it doesn’t bring results right away or put off the project in fear of failure
  6. I can be somewhat clingy when in a relationship, not the stage 3 clinger but I have a habit of ignoring everyone else around me and cutting people out of my life due to being a relationship and only focusing on the relationship — not my best trait 
  7. Being extremely hard on myself when I don’t excel at something or when I feel as though I am stagnant & not progressing in my life compared to other people. 
  8. Talking lowly of myself, I use negative things to counteract the positive that someone shares with me about myself, it just happens without thought & now I am being more self conscious about it because I want to love myself  & understand myself more.

Now this was again one of those questions where it might be harder for some to admit to their faults but If you are up to the task, I would love to have you guys leave comments about what you would consider your worst traits. We aren’t perfect & as long as we are aware of these flaws and making steps towards making them a positive force in our lives, I believe there is nothing wrong with having them. Thanks for reading, feel free to follow, share, like, comment 🙂

Shay-lon

 

World Mental Health Day

Mental Health Awareness!

Spread knowledge, understanding, love and patience.

https://soundcloud.com/shay-lonfitnesswonderwoman-moss-fitness-wonderwoman/fitness-health-advice-10-world

With today being “World Mental health day” , I wanted to make a post and podcast about mental health. Every Thursday I dedicate my blog to mental health awareness because I believe it is so important to make these disorders known so that they become less of an omen and more of a way to enlighten, teach and hopefully make it so people understand the different mental health conditions – in hopes that we will find more ways to help these individuals and also to help ourselves from being ignorant of the matter. Mental health has been in this world for a long time, there once was time when it was looked down upon and people were sent to places that weren’t so great and were treated very poorly. Being in 2017, it has definitely gotten better but we aren’t perfect, many illnesses are still frowned upon and haven’t been thoroughly researched enough to understand them fully. While I believe we have gotten to a place where people know more than they did, I still believe it is important we continue to educate ourselves and spread awareness. I, being one who suffers from social anxiety and have had my issues with mild depression and nervous breakdowns, it isn’t always easy to talk to people about it, and sometimes it is difficult to share our stories or experiences with others because there is always that fear of judgement or fear that we will be the outcast because of it. Many people who suffer from mental health disorders live normal lives, and work with you and play with you and probably smile in your face at the grocery store but it doesn’t mean they don’t have an inner demon or that they aren’t wearing a mask to get through their day. It is not easy to spot mental health disorders in others and I don’t expect anyone to be professionals at it unless it is their job BUT my goal and hope for all of you is that if someone who know is suffering and trust you with this information, that you can be their light at the end of the tunnel or their ear when they need to talk or their friend when they feel alone— it won’t be easy, God knows, and it probably won’t seem like you are doing anything special for them but from my experience, sometimes knowing that you aren’t a burden to someone because of your illness can make it a little easier. 

 

We all have our own lives to live & our own issues to deal with — I’m not asking people to go out of their way to listen to everyone’s story and play superhero, I just ask that we keep open minded & try to have patience and give what little time we have in our day to a loved one or friend who may need someone to see them for who they are when they aren’t having to disguise themselves in front of the world – because many times if they allow you to see them “raw” as such, it is their way of opening up and hopefully you feel honored knowing this because many hide it and disguise it for a long time & either end up taking their own lives or abuse drugs/alcohol or end up in worse case scenarios. With this being said, I appreciate all of my readers for being supportive of me having to open up to all of you on my blog about myself  and my world and i have had the pleasure of reading and talking to individuals who shared some deeper thoughts/dealt with deeper issues – which in turn helped me to gain understanding and insight into their world. I want all of you to know, I don’t mind being an ear or a friend or being a inspiration to get through the day/ you can count on me to listen and while I might never have the right answers, I will do my best to be there. I love you and I hope everyone has a wonderful Tuesday. 

 

Fitness WonderWoman,

 

Shay-lon xo

I have Social Anxiety (Mental Health Awareness)

I will be first in line to admit that I have social anxiety (I believe I have mentioned this many times before) and while many people are in shock when I tell them this, because I come off outgoing and very talkative – this doesn’t mean anything, just means I mask it fairly well – not to mention, if you don’t understand social anxiety and what it means, you might not know what to look for when I am put in situations where I react. Now with this being said, this post will be both informative and yet, I will speak from my own experience as well, so hopefully you enjoy stories and perspective. I will start with the basics, what does it mean to have “social anxiety”?

 

Social anxiety is fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people BUT,  it stems from having a fear or anxiety of being negatively judged or evaluated by other people. —- I have dealt with this fear ALL MY LIFE and it sucks because I wanted to be more like the ones who “don’t care what others think” but even when I try, I know deep down I still care (even when I play if off like I don’t) now with this being said, yes, there have been times where I literally do not give a shit about what others think of me, or how they perceive me, and that usually is when I am at the gym or grocery store because I just feel like I have built confidence in those scenarios/environments. Although if you put me inside a new gym or a grocery store in a different town or area, my social anxiety will kick in because it is a new surrounding with new faces and I don’t know how to handle it.. so I just freak out in my mind. For some people they avoid situations like so, but I have learned to force myself to step outside my comfort level and make myself intentionally uncomfortable in order to fight my anxiety. 

 

Now let’s discuss some of the symptoms & I’ll share which ones i have, if any:

 
  • Rapid heart beat- this is another one I experience
  • blushing or sweating- sweating is one for me
  • feeling of mind going blank – I have this one
  • makes little to no eye contact 
  • speaks with overly soft voice
  • self conscious in front of others, feeling of embarrassed or awkward – This one I have
  • Being very afraid that other people will judge them – this one I have
  • Stay away from places where there are other people

Now, as you can see, I have quite a few signs/symptoms and some people have more or less, and not every situation do all these sign/symptoms display themselves. I personally know another sign/symptom that people I have dated have noticed and even people I have talked to, I tend to ramble when I speak in a conversation with someone, especially if I am interested in someone, or if I don’t know how to end a conversation, or if my nerves are all over the place. I know my ex used to mention that I ramble a lot on and off the phone and she would make jokes about it and I knew that sometimes it was awkward but since that relationship, I have been trying to get better at catching myself ramble and doing it less often. I guess for me, it is really tough to not ramble, because it is my way of comforting my anxiety or “hiding” it, but when people notice and make light of it, it makes me feel a little discouraged at times or feel insecure or puts me in an awkward position where I don’t know what to do or how to handle it – and that just means I went from social anxiety to now I am upset with myself and feeling really embarrassed by my actions. None of my friends or family have ever made comments on my rambling and that might be because I don’t ramble with them .. it’s weird, but also I am comfortable with them. I never notice other’s with social anxiety, it goes over my head if someone does and they are talking to me, because I am so focused on my own response and reactions & trying to come off less awkward that if anything I just assume you are shy and nothing more. 

 

Another thing I have noticed is, depending on the person and type of compliment they give me, I tend to get weird and say quick thank yous without even looking in your direction or I am pleasant and want to connect with you and my thank you comes off more friendly. I handle compliments better coming from females vs males as well. For some reason, I have yet to ever be awkward with a female who compliments me, but when it comes to males, it happens often unless I am comfortable with the male figure. Growing up, it wasn’t always like this but as I got older, it started to make sense as to why (& we won’t get into that at this point) but regardless I love compliments but handle them differently depending the nature of them, the sex and how comfortable I am with that person. I have known both, people who are flattered by compliments and others who get really tense and don’t like them.   

 

Causes:

There is NO one cause of it, but many factors that can lead to one possibly having social anxiety – but doesn’t mean you are guaranteed to get it just because you happen to have these issues but the chances could be greater. 

My mom has social anxiety and her’s is worse than mine, I would say, but she reacts to it differently than I do, on the other hand both of my younger siblings don’t seem to have it from the outside looking in, but I am not a professional so I wouldn’t actually know if they did unless they told me – so families can carry this trait. 

Misreading people’s behaviors toward you can be another cause of social anxiety- and I think I am decent at reading people, but I do tend to over analyze at times.

Underdeveloped social skills – this is a possible cause for myself. Growing up, I had friends but I was always the awkward duck, I didn’t know how to properly interact with others and not feel like an outcast and I think because I lacked some self confidence at times, I was always doing weird shit or saying weird random shit that in my mind was my way of trying to fit in but in reality was probably causing people to think I was weird or pushing people away. I developed a more comical personality in order to handle social situations and instead would always be the class clown and make people laugh and that is how I combated my own issues. 

 

As far as treatment goes, I never saw a professional for it, never had therapy or medication for it, and I refuse to go that far for myself because I think I have more of a handle on it now than I did in the past and I don’t feel like mine is very severe compared to other cases. I have learned to mask some of it, in order to push through and I have learned that if I force myself to confront my anxiety by stepping outside my comfort zone, it helps to build my confidence and encourages me to find ways to manage it better. For example, last year and previous years, I would go to Columbus here in Ohio for a weekend and stay in a hotel by myself and explore the city – downtown area, just walk and explore the stores, bars, etc all alone and  by doing that, I met people, I learned to find my own way and to handle situations that would make me uncomfortable and I loved doing that. This year, I went to a bar in my town alone, and the first time it went well, but the second time it went horribly and so I haven’t done it since then but I might consider doing it again at a different point in my life. My new goals to battle my social anxiety is to attend a movie alone and to eat at a restaurant alone because I am so used to doing them both with friends or family, so I want to step outside my comfort zone and do them by myself – also, I would like to attend a concert by myself and would love to drive out of town by myself again and explore another area .. so those are all goals to help me. 

 

I would love to hear from all of you with social anxiety, speak on what helps you, or try one of these ways of coping and let me know if it worked. If you enjoyed this post, like, comment, share and follow! 

 

Fitness WonderWoman,

Shay-lon xo

 
 

Versatile Blogger Award – 2017 Nomination

So I will be honest in saying that I received this nomination a couple of weeks ago and promised I would get to it and never really did.. not because I didn’t want to but my brain was full of other important things. I apologize for the delay but hopefully it is not too late to do this award justice. 

 

For starters  I would like to thank the blogger https://fatnofear.com/ whom nominated me for this award, and if you haven’t had the chance to check this blog out, please do so. I haven’t had a full blown look over everything she has written, but from the few post I have read, she seems to have a good attitude and helpful personality! love it. 

THE RULES:

  • You have to thank the person who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  • Nominate at least 15 bloggers of your choice.
  • Link the nominees and inform them about their nomination.
  • Share 7 facts about yourself.

The Nominees:

https://buildingtheconfidence.wordpress.com/

https://standard225.com/

https://savvyraj.com/

https://culturalatheist.wordpress.com/

https://gymnasticspirit.wordpress.com/

https://pineapplechronicles.com/

https://tyronepierre.com/

https://gitfitsite.wordpress.com/

https://shereena-badu.com/

https://boatsofoats.com/

https://skinnyguyshealth.wordpress.com/

https://thebalancebrigade.com/

https://michelleroselyn.wordpress.com/

https://jumpinwellness.com/

https://bigandpinkytoes.wordpress.com/

7 Facts about me:

  1. Favorite color is Blue
  2. Favorite board game: Monopoly
  3. I gave up drinking pop 2 years ago (sometimes I might take a sip but never buy it to drink it)
  4. I love hamburgers/cheeseburgers
  5. I have social anxiety but it has gotten better
  6. I love to play video games whenever I have the time
  7. I live in Ohio 

Hope all of you will enjoy mine and other bloggers answers!

For more award post, click here