365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 64

11.05.18

Do you dress for yourself or to impress other people?

  • Once upon a time, it was to impress others because I was worried about how other people looked at me, and thought of me; certain styles, name brands, etc just so I felt and looked “good” according to other people’s standards. I grew up with a mom whom always wanted my sibling and myself to dress accordingly when we were out in public, we weren’t allowed to pick out our own clothes for a while & eventually when we were able to, we were examined first before having leaving the house. Having a nice outer appearance was important to her; she always said “you never know you might run into or meet, so you want to dress your best” — and it was expected of us. 
  • Now I dress for myself but the exception would be dressing for a first date or special occasion; wanting to impress the person(s) (first impressions are important) but at the same time still wearing something I feel comfortable in. I like to look good because it makes me feel good (mom always said, if you look good, you feel good) and I believe how a person carries themselves speaks volumes no matter what attire they have on, so I try to choose clothing that makes me feel confident in my body and with myself. 
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365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 57

10.29.18

Do you have leadership qualities or are you strictly a follower?

  • I definitely feel as though I have leadership qualities, I enjoy being a leader (not a boss) but a leader. Especially now more than I have in the past due to my confidence increasing and feeling the need to want to make changes that I don’t want to have to wait for. In the past, my social anxiety, wanting to fit in with the vast majority and be accepted hindered me from wanting to be my own person and take charge of my own thoughts and actions. I still suffer from social anxiety, but with work and managing it better, I don’t allow it to always hinder me or keep me from setting out to do something, and with the newfound confidence in certain areas of my life; speaking up for myself, voicing my own opinions, having wanting to be a leader instead of a “sheep” has become a lot easier. 

Sometimes we stay sheeps in order to be accepted by certain people, to avoid judgement, to avoid confrontation and it allows us to stay within our comfort zone. The problem with lacking leadership is, you start to rely on other people to be your voice, your self confidence continues to dwindle and when it comes time to stick up for yourself, you take the blows & don’t say a word. If you consider yourself to be a follower, think of the reason behind it, what is hindering you from wanting to become a leader? Are you a leader, do you share the qualities of a leader?

I don’t live my life to Appease you

Not anymore.

It is within our nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to “fit in” and feel like we can have a common place with someone else. We strive to be this person that people can say they like, talk highly about and want to be around on a more constant basis. It’s almost like we do things in order to prove we are worthy of these things, but what for? because popularity is a form of what we would consider “love”, and people like feeling loved — and cared for. It’s without a doubt, a great indicator of who we are and how we perceive ourselves because in the mist of wanting to be this “popular” buzz, we find out what sacrifices we had to make in order to appease the crowd & how those same sacrifices effect our character. Sometimes by being the “crowds favorite person” you find out that you had to sell your soul to the devil (metaphorically speaking) and once you decide to sell yourself short in order to gain a couple new friends, you don’t get to make another bargain. It’s a final sale & there are no refunds, you gave away yourself in order to buy a new face — you prided yourself for the amount of people who speak about you, but not everyone stays around long enough to meet the real you, when you finally have had a enough exhaustion for one day & need a break from it all, you have to remember it comes with a losing sacrifice, you lose out on the people you gained and you lost the ones who accepted you without change — but because of your greedy mind and wishful thinking, you have nobody at the end of this tunnel if you don’t stick with this mask that made you phenomenal. 

I created this writing as a piece to dedicate to myself & to those who have or once had lived to appease. They lived their lives constantly wanting someone to notice them, wanting to be their friend, wanting to be apart of something grand because for so long they weren’t happy with what they had, even if what they had was pure. Sometimes we want to strive for bigger & better but not always is this the best path, it can come with consequences if you don’t read the small bold print at the bottom of the contract and has its been known to change a person’s character and scar them. For we don’t get to choose who we meet, but if who we meet changes who we are for the worst, than maybe we need to reconsider how we go about letting people in. To appease someone else by changing yourself is like living a life with half truths. Not everyone was meant to like you, the true you, some will deem it “not good enough” ; but what isn’t good enough for them was good enough for those who stayed by your side no matter your flaws. If ONLY one person deemed you “good enough” , that one person is worthy of your love because that one person didn’t ask you to conform but instead asked you to be yourself in exchange for their true selves. We don’t have to unmask ourselves to see the face, we only have to question if who we really are, is the mask we put on everyday. Don’t live to appease, live to be loved and to be cared for 100 percent, live to be you, live to be true and never live to fit in because tears will flood the eyes who have reached their own demise. 

Shay-lon

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think in the comment section & if you are a fan of these spoken verses, please feel free to share with your peers, like this page and follow my blog. 

365 days of self discovery: Day 32

10.04.18

What is the most important thing to enable you to live an authentic life?

  • Personally, I would have to say being myself — whatever that may consist of 100% & even when it may not fit societies “norms”, or standards. I believe if one cannot be themselves (flaws and all) and instead pretend to be someone they are not in order to “fit in” with the crowd, then their life can never truly be genuine & that will also effect the ones they surround themselves with. 

World Mental Health Day

Mental Health Awareness!

Spread knowledge, understanding, love and patience.

https://soundcloud.com/shay-lonfitnesswonderwoman-moss-fitness-wonderwoman/fitness-health-advice-10-world

With today being “World Mental health day” , I wanted to make a post and podcast about mental health. Every Thursday I dedicate my blog to mental health awareness because I believe it is so important to make these disorders known so that they become less of an omen and more of a way to enlighten, teach and hopefully make it so people understand the different mental health conditions – in hopes that we will find more ways to help these individuals and also to help ourselves from being ignorant of the matter. Mental health has been in this world for a long time, there once was time when it was looked down upon and people were sent to places that weren’t so great and were treated very poorly. Being in 2017, it has definitely gotten better but we aren’t perfect, many illnesses are still frowned upon and haven’t been thoroughly researched enough to understand them fully. While I believe we have gotten to a place where people know more than they did, I still believe it is important we continue to educate ourselves and spread awareness. I, being one who suffers from social anxiety and have had my issues with mild depression and nervous breakdowns, it isn’t always easy to talk to people about it, and sometimes it is difficult to share our stories or experiences with others because there is always that fear of judgement or fear that we will be the outcast because of it. Many people who suffer from mental health disorders live normal lives, and work with you and play with you and probably smile in your face at the grocery store but it doesn’t mean they don’t have an inner demon or that they aren’t wearing a mask to get through their day. It is not easy to spot mental health disorders in others and I don’t expect anyone to be professionals at it unless it is their job BUT my goal and hope for all of you is that if someone who know is suffering and trust you with this information, that you can be their light at the end of the tunnel or their ear when they need to talk or their friend when they feel alone— it won’t be easy, God knows, and it probably won’t seem like you are doing anything special for them but from my experience, sometimes knowing that you aren’t a burden to someone because of your illness can make it a little easier. 

 

We all have our own lives to live & our own issues to deal with — I’m not asking people to go out of their way to listen to everyone’s story and play superhero, I just ask that we keep open minded & try to have patience and give what little time we have in our day to a loved one or friend who may need someone to see them for who they are when they aren’t having to disguise themselves in front of the world – because many times if they allow you to see them “raw” as such, it is their way of opening up and hopefully you feel honored knowing this because many hide it and disguise it for a long time & either end up taking their own lives or abuse drugs/alcohol or end up in worse case scenarios. With this being said, I appreciate all of my readers for being supportive of me having to open up to all of you on my blog about myself  and my world and i have had the pleasure of reading and talking to individuals who shared some deeper thoughts/dealt with deeper issues – which in turn helped me to gain understanding and insight into their world. I want all of you to know, I don’t mind being an ear or a friend or being a inspiration to get through the day/ you can count on me to listen and while I might never have the right answers, I will do my best to be there. I love you and I hope everyone has a wonderful Tuesday. 

 

Fitness WonderWoman,

 

Shay-lon xo

I have Social Anxiety (Mental Health Awareness)

I will be first in line to admit that I have social anxiety (I believe I have mentioned this many times before) and while many people are in shock when I tell them this, because I come off outgoing and very talkative – this doesn’t mean anything, just means I mask it fairly well – not to mention, if you don’t understand social anxiety and what it means, you might not know what to look for when I am put in situations where I react. Now with this being said, this post will be both informative and yet, I will speak from my own experience as well, so hopefully you enjoy stories and perspective. I will start with the basics, what does it mean to have “social anxiety”?

 

Social anxiety is fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people BUT,  it stems from having a fear or anxiety of being negatively judged or evaluated by other people. —- I have dealt with this fear ALL MY LIFE and it sucks because I wanted to be more like the ones who “don’t care what others think” but even when I try, I know deep down I still care (even when I play if off like I don’t) now with this being said, yes, there have been times where I literally do not give a shit about what others think of me, or how they perceive me, and that usually is when I am at the gym or grocery store because I just feel like I have built confidence in those scenarios/environments. Although if you put me inside a new gym or a grocery store in a different town or area, my social anxiety will kick in because it is a new surrounding with new faces and I don’t know how to handle it.. so I just freak out in my mind. For some people they avoid situations like so, but I have learned to force myself to step outside my comfort level and make myself intentionally uncomfortable in order to fight my anxiety. 

 

Now let’s discuss some of the symptoms & I’ll share which ones i have, if any:

 
  • Rapid heart beat- this is another one I experience
  • blushing or sweating- sweating is one for me
  • feeling of mind going blank – I have this one
  • makes little to no eye contact 
  • speaks with overly soft voice
  • self conscious in front of others, feeling of embarrassed or awkward – This one I have
  • Being very afraid that other people will judge them – this one I have
  • Stay away from places where there are other people

Now, as you can see, I have quite a few signs/symptoms and some people have more or less, and not every situation do all these sign/symptoms display themselves. I personally know another sign/symptom that people I have dated have noticed and even people I have talked to, I tend to ramble when I speak in a conversation with someone, especially if I am interested in someone, or if I don’t know how to end a conversation, or if my nerves are all over the place. I know my ex used to mention that I ramble a lot on and off the phone and she would make jokes about it and I knew that sometimes it was awkward but since that relationship, I have been trying to get better at catching myself ramble and doing it less often. I guess for me, it is really tough to not ramble, because it is my way of comforting my anxiety or “hiding” it, but when people notice and make light of it, it makes me feel a little discouraged at times or feel insecure or puts me in an awkward position where I don’t know what to do or how to handle it – and that just means I went from social anxiety to now I am upset with myself and feeling really embarrassed by my actions. None of my friends or family have ever made comments on my rambling and that might be because I don’t ramble with them .. it’s weird, but also I am comfortable with them. I never notice other’s with social anxiety, it goes over my head if someone does and they are talking to me, because I am so focused on my own response and reactions & trying to come off less awkward that if anything I just assume you are shy and nothing more. 

 

Another thing I have noticed is, depending on the person and type of compliment they give me, I tend to get weird and say quick thank yous without even looking in your direction or I am pleasant and want to connect with you and my thank you comes off more friendly. I handle compliments better coming from females vs males as well. For some reason, I have yet to ever be awkward with a female who compliments me, but when it comes to males, it happens often unless I am comfortable with the male figure. Growing up, it wasn’t always like this but as I got older, it started to make sense as to why (& we won’t get into that at this point) but regardless I love compliments but handle them differently depending the nature of them, the sex and how comfortable I am with that person. I have known both, people who are flattered by compliments and others who get really tense and don’t like them.   

 

Causes:

There is NO one cause of it, but many factors that can lead to one possibly having social anxiety – but doesn’t mean you are guaranteed to get it just because you happen to have these issues but the chances could be greater. 

My mom has social anxiety and her’s is worse than mine, I would say, but she reacts to it differently than I do, on the other hand both of my younger siblings don’t seem to have it from the outside looking in, but I am not a professional so I wouldn’t actually know if they did unless they told me – so families can carry this trait. 

Misreading people’s behaviors toward you can be another cause of social anxiety- and I think I am decent at reading people, but I do tend to over analyze at times.

Underdeveloped social skills – this is a possible cause for myself. Growing up, I had friends but I was always the awkward duck, I didn’t know how to properly interact with others and not feel like an outcast and I think because I lacked some self confidence at times, I was always doing weird shit or saying weird random shit that in my mind was my way of trying to fit in but in reality was probably causing people to think I was weird or pushing people away. I developed a more comical personality in order to handle social situations and instead would always be the class clown and make people laugh and that is how I combated my own issues. 

 

As far as treatment goes, I never saw a professional for it, never had therapy or medication for it, and I refuse to go that far for myself because I think I have more of a handle on it now than I did in the past and I don’t feel like mine is very severe compared to other cases. I have learned to mask some of it, in order to push through and I have learned that if I force myself to confront my anxiety by stepping outside my comfort zone, it helps to build my confidence and encourages me to find ways to manage it better. For example, last year and previous years, I would go to Columbus here in Ohio for a weekend and stay in a hotel by myself and explore the city – downtown area, just walk and explore the stores, bars, etc all alone and  by doing that, I met people, I learned to find my own way and to handle situations that would make me uncomfortable and I loved doing that. This year, I went to a bar in my town alone, and the first time it went well, but the second time it went horribly and so I haven’t done it since then but I might consider doing it again at a different point in my life. My new goals to battle my social anxiety is to attend a movie alone and to eat at a restaurant alone because I am so used to doing them both with friends or family, so I want to step outside my comfort zone and do them by myself – also, I would like to attend a concert by myself and would love to drive out of town by myself again and explore another area .. so those are all goals to help me. 

 

I would love to hear from all of you with social anxiety, speak on what helps you, or try one of these ways of coping and let me know if it worked. If you enjoyed this post, like, comment, share and follow! 

 

Fitness WonderWoman,

Shay-lon xo

 
 

Paranoid Schizophrenia (Mental Health Post)

Mental health is just as important as physical health, if not more important. 

 

Hello bloggers, as scheduled today would be mental health awareness by discussing a mental health condition. I chose this particular one because I don’t know anyone who has been diagnosed with it close to me and I didn’t know very much about it to be able to discuss so I had fun being able to research it and gain some understanding. I did happen to know some basics but enough to be able to write about it, so I post some links for this one to sites I used briefly or that I sited so that you can also read up on it, if it something of interest to you. 

 

What is Paranoid Schizophrenia?

 
  • When your mind doesn’t agree with reality – this is the way I understand it and the easiest way of explaining it so others can understand & the same way this site put it.
  • A lifelong illness
  • Affects how you think and behave

Symptoms:

  • Auditory disturbances
  • unexplained anger
  • emotional disconnectedness
  • sever anxiety and agitation
  • argumentive behavior
  • sometimes violent tendencies
  • Delusions of grandeur
  • frequent suicidal thoughts and behavior

Now there are other symptoms that people with schizophrenia may have that are not listed, so make sure to do your research and get a full understanding because each person handles this differently. 

 

Risk Factors:

Most studies say there is no ONE cause of this illness BUT there are some risk factors that can higher your chances: 

  1. Family history of psychotic disorders
  2. exposure to a viral infection in the womb
  3. fetal malnutrition
  4. stress in early childhood
  5. sexual or physical abuse
  6. older parental age
  7. Use of psychoactive drugs during adolescence 

Treatment:

  • THERE IS NO CURE AT THIS TIME FOR THIS ILLNESS!!!!
  • medications
  • psychotherapy
  • hospitalization
  • ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy)
  • training for social skills and development

Now with this being said, these are methods but they depend on the situation and circumstance, not everyone will agree to take medications or undergo therapies and that is their choice. I know many of them take more than one kind of medication and sometimes more than 2 or 3 depending on their situation and symptoms and the severity. The fact there is no cure for it is disheartening because this is something someone will have to deal with for the rest of their lives & I don’t think it would be easy or easy to explain to others who don’t have it and this is why I do these post so that hopefully it sheds light and brings awareness to the issue at hand. I personally have always believed that mental illness goes unnoticed because people don’t understand and believe them to be omens or ignore them in order to pretend it doesn’t exist (ignorance).  I like to think we are growing and learning and accepting people who may be different than ourselves BUT at the same time there are still people who look down on those with any type of mental illness. I believe in order to help people with their illnesses we have to be open minded and forgiving because it is not always that individuals fault that they have it. So with that being said..

 
  1. Do you know anyone who has this illness? or do yourself have it?
  2. Did you know a lot about this illness or was this something new?
  3. will you share this post to bring awareness to mental health 

Links I used for this post: 

 

Thank you for reading!

 

Fitness Wonderwoman, 

Shay-lon xo