Is your life what you imagined it would be?
- Not even close. I expected so much more than where I am now and how I got here. I had dreamed of so much more at this point in my life.
Is your life what you imagined it would be?
Do you ever feel inferior, why is this?
Do you dress for yourself or to impress other people?
Do you have leadership qualities or are you strictly a follower?
Sometimes we stay sheeps in order to be accepted by certain people, to avoid judgement, to avoid confrontation and it allows us to stay within our comfort zone. The problem with lacking leadership is, you start to rely on other people to be your voice, your self confidence continues to dwindle and when it comes time to stick up for yourself, you take the blows & don’t say a word. If you consider yourself to be a follower, think of the reason behind it, what is hindering you from wanting to become a leader? Are you a leader, do you share the qualities of a leader?
It is within our nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to “fit in” and feel like we can have a common place with someone else. We strive to be this person that people can say they like, talk highly about and want to be around on a more constant basis. It’s almost like we do things in order to prove we are worthy of these things, but what for? because popularity is a form of what we would consider “love”, and people like feeling loved — and cared for. It’s without a doubt, a great indicator of who we are and how we perceive ourselves because in the mist of wanting to be this “popular” buzz, we find out what sacrifices we had to make in order to appease the crowd & how those same sacrifices effect our character. Sometimes by being the “crowds favorite person” you find out that you had to sell your soul to the devil (metaphorically speaking) and once you decide to sell yourself short in order to gain a couple new friends, you don’t get to make another bargain. It’s a final sale & there are no refunds, you gave away yourself in order to buy a new face — you prided yourself for the amount of people who speak about you, but not everyone stays around long enough to meet the real you, when you finally have had a enough exhaustion for one day & need a break from it all, you have to remember it comes with a losing sacrifice, you lose out on the people you gained and you lost the ones who accepted you without change — but because of your greedy mind and wishful thinking, you have nobody at the end of this tunnel if you don’t stick with this mask that made you phenomenal.
I created this writing as a piece to dedicate to myself & to those who have or once had lived to appease. They lived their lives constantly wanting someone to notice them, wanting to be their friend, wanting to be apart of something grand because for so long they weren’t happy with what they had, even if what they had was pure. Sometimes we want to strive for bigger & better but not always is this the best path, it can come with consequences if you don’t read the small bold print at the bottom of the contract and has its been known to change a person’s character and scar them. For we don’t get to choose who we meet, but if who we meet changes who we are for the worst, than maybe we need to reconsider how we go about letting people in. To appease someone else by changing yourself is like living a life with half truths. Not everyone was meant to like you, the true you, some will deem it “not good enough” ; but what isn’t good enough for them was good enough for those who stayed by your side no matter your flaws. If ONLY one person deemed you “good enough” , that one person is worthy of your love because that one person didn’t ask you to conform but instead asked you to be yourself in exchange for their true selves. We don’t have to unmask ourselves to see the face, we only have to question if who we really are, is the mask we put on everyday. Don’t live to appease, live to be loved and to be cared for 100 percent, live to be you, live to be true and never live to fit in because tears will flood the eyes who have reached their own demise.
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What is the most important thing to enable you to live an authentic life?
Ugh… One of the hardest things I had to do, actually not really, but it was difficult. I decided that I would take 3 months away from training John. I know, no one throw torches at me, there is a good reason and one that hopefully he will understand. I have been doing some inner thinking these past 4-5 days and I needed to figure shit out. I needed to figure out what I am doing with my life at 24 years of age and how what I am doing is benefiting me, if it is at all. This particular thinking included: personal life, my mental health, my physical well-being, career wise, and future goals – not to mention wanting to pass my exam. I volunteered to help my friend because I wanted to see him grow and do better for himself, and I wanted to practice and get better at doing what I love, build confidence within myself and learn to better manage my social anxiety when I am talking to people. He didn’t have to pay me, nor was he under any obligation to keep me as his trainer and vice versa, we had that agreement. I did this purely to help me, help him and make a difference in his life just a little bit so he could build up some confidence in working out at the gym. I think he has come a way, and still needs work but with time and motivation and the proper discipline, he can do it.
The hardest part about training someone is when they don’t see results, well when trainers don’t see results. I am not used to this, because people I helped prior while in college, they shown some kind of positive results, not HUGE results, but results they were proud of and it made me proud as well. It seemed like at all of John’s weigh ins, except for one when he lost 1 pound, he was complacent or gaining weight and it always came down to nutrition, what he has eaten, how much of it he has eaten, how long he has gone without eating, his food choices, etc. I had to tell John that exercise is 20 percent of the battle, the other 80 is a good consistent diet/nutrition that positively effects you as well. I am not a nutritionist or dietitian but I do know that if you eat crap and workout, chances are: results will come slower or not at all – which makes my job a whole lot harder & stressful. because I don’t want to have to keep reminding him of what he already knows. Not to mention, he has had a busy schedule, maybe semi stressful (which stress causes weight gain as well) and I don’t think now is the time to be training him, I feel like now is the time for him to kind of take sometime and figure out everything he needs to figure out, so he can have a clearer mind, and hopefully really sit back and focus on what is important in his life – hopefully his health is one.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t just about John, this is mostly about me. 80 percent of the reason why I am doing this break is for me. I want to accomplish so much that the constant worrying about my own body has strained my mind & created an obsession with wanting to reach my standard of perfection for myself. I have always struggled with wanting to reach this “perfect body image” , do better, be better, have better. Since my recent breakup in October, I have really had to build myself back up again, it is tough but I manage, and find things to do to keep my mind on my goals. This 3 months will hopefully give me time to build on myself as a whole (in and out) and to give me more time to focus on priorities.
I don’t know what will happen after 3 months, depending on where I am at with my life and depending on where he is with his, I may end up training him again or I may not. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to train anyone at this time, because I do and I will continue to help those around me and online, I will still post my workouts and will keep my blogging going – I can manage training people for practice until I pass my exam (then I will charge you $$ LOL), just right now, I need to take a break from training my friend until he is further along and mentally ready in his own time. I hope all of you can understand.
Your Fitness Blogger,