365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Dreams/Wishes/Hopes/Future

4.20.19

Day 10

Is your life what you imagined it would be?

  • Not even close. I expected so much more than where I am now and how I got here. I had dreamed of so much more at this point in my life. 
Can you honestly say you imagined your life to be where it is now? 
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365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

3.03.19

Day 63

Do you ever feel inferior, why is this?

  • Eh, sometimes when I find myself comparing myself to others or when I am dating someone whom I believe to be out of my league. I suppose it is a self worth issue, but something I work on, but I will say, when it comes to everyday common people and what they have vs what I have materialistically, I don’t pay much attention to. 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 64

11.05.18

Do you dress for yourself or to impress other people?

  • Once upon a time, it was to impress others because I was worried about how other people looked at me, and thought of me; certain styles, name brands, etc just so I felt and looked “good” according to other people’s standards. I grew up with a mom whom always wanted my sibling and myself to dress accordingly when we were out in public, we weren’t allowed to pick out our own clothes for a while & eventually when we were able to, we were examined first before having leaving the house. Having a nice outer appearance was important to her; she always said “you never know you might run into or meet, so you want to dress your best” — and it was expected of us. 
  • Now I dress for myself but the exception would be dressing for a first date or special occasion; wanting to impress the person(s) (first impressions are important) but at the same time still wearing something I feel comfortable in. I like to look good because it makes me feel good (mom always said, if you look good, you feel good) and I believe how a person carries themselves speaks volumes no matter what attire they have on, so I try to choose clothing that makes me feel confident in my body and with myself. 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 57

10.29.18

Do you have leadership qualities or are you strictly a follower?

  • I definitely feel as though I have leadership qualities, I enjoy being a leader (not a boss) but a leader. Especially now more than I have in the past due to my confidence increasing and feeling the need to want to make changes that I don’t want to have to wait for. In the past, my social anxiety, wanting to fit in with the vast majority and be accepted hindered me from wanting to be my own person and take charge of my own thoughts and actions. I still suffer from social anxiety, but with work and managing it better, I don’t allow it to always hinder me or keep me from setting out to do something, and with the newfound confidence in certain areas of my life; speaking up for myself, voicing my own opinions, having wanting to be a leader instead of a “sheep” has become a lot easier. 

Sometimes we stay sheeps in order to be accepted by certain people, to avoid judgement, to avoid confrontation and it allows us to stay within our comfort zone. The problem with lacking leadership is, you start to rely on other people to be your voice, your self confidence continues to dwindle and when it comes time to stick up for yourself, you take the blows & don’t say a word. If you consider yourself to be a follower, think of the reason behind it, what is hindering you from wanting to become a leader? Are you a leader, do you share the qualities of a leader?

I don’t live my life to Appease you

Not anymore.

It is within our nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to “fit in” and feel like we can have a common place with someone else. We strive to be this person that people can say they like, talk highly about and want to be around on a more constant basis. It’s almost like we do things in order to prove we are worthy of these things, but what for? because popularity is a form of what we would consider “love”, and people like feeling loved — and cared for. It’s without a doubt, a great indicator of who we are and how we perceive ourselves because in the mist of wanting to be this “popular” buzz, we find out what sacrifices we had to make in order to appease the crowd & how those same sacrifices effect our character. Sometimes by being the “crowds favorite person” you find out that you had to sell your soul to the devil (metaphorically speaking) and once you decide to sell yourself short in order to gain a couple new friends, you don’t get to make another bargain. It’s a final sale & there are no refunds, you gave away yourself in order to buy a new face — you prided yourself for the amount of people who speak about you, but not everyone stays around long enough to meet the real you, when you finally have had a enough exhaustion for one day & need a break from it all, you have to remember it comes with a losing sacrifice, you lose out on the people you gained and you lost the ones who accepted you without change — but because of your greedy mind and wishful thinking, you have nobody at the end of this tunnel if you don’t stick with this mask that made you phenomenal. 

I created this writing as a piece to dedicate to myself & to those who have or once had lived to appease. They lived their lives constantly wanting someone to notice them, wanting to be their friend, wanting to be apart of something grand because for so long they weren’t happy with what they had, even if what they had was pure. Sometimes we want to strive for bigger & better but not always is this the best path, it can come with consequences if you don’t read the small bold print at the bottom of the contract and has its been known to change a person’s character and scar them. For we don’t get to choose who we meet, but if who we meet changes who we are for the worst, than maybe we need to reconsider how we go about letting people in. To appease someone else by changing yourself is like living a life with half truths. Not everyone was meant to like you, the true you, some will deem it “not good enough” ; but what isn’t good enough for them was good enough for those who stayed by your side no matter your flaws. If ONLY one person deemed you “good enough” , that one person is worthy of your love because that one person didn’t ask you to conform but instead asked you to be yourself in exchange for their true selves. We don’t have to unmask ourselves to see the face, we only have to question if who we really are, is the mask we put on everyday. Don’t live to appease, live to be loved and to be cared for 100 percent, live to be you, live to be true and never live to fit in because tears will flood the eyes who have reached their own demise. 

Shay-lon

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think in the comment section & if you are a fan of these spoken verses, please feel free to share with your peers, like this page and follow my blog. 

365 days of self discovery: Day 32

10.04.18

What is the most important thing to enable you to live an authentic life?

  • Personally, I would have to say being myself — whatever that may consist of 100% & even when it may not fit societies “norms”, or standards. I believe if one cannot be themselves (flaws and all) and instead pretend to be someone they are not in order to “fit in” with the crowd, then their life can never truly be genuine & that will also effect the ones they surround themselves with. 

3 Month Break – Training a Friend

Girl, Sadness, Dark

Ugh… One of the hardest things I had to do, actually not really, but it was difficult. I decided that I would take 3 months away from training John. I know, no one throw torches at me, there is a good reason and one that hopefully he will understand. I have been doing some inner thinking these past 4-5 days and I needed to figure shit out. I needed to figure out what I am doing with my life at 24 years of age and how what I am doing is benefiting me, if it is at all. This particular thinking included: personal life, my mental health, my physical well-being, career wise, and future goals – not to mention wanting to pass my exam. I volunteered to help my friend because I wanted to see him grow and do better for himself, and I wanted to practice and get better at doing what I love, build confidence within myself and learn to better manage my social anxiety when I am talking to people. He didn’t have to pay me, nor was he under any obligation to keep me as his trainer and vice versa, we had that agreement.  I did this purely to help me, help him and make a difference in his life just a little bit so he could build up some confidence in working out at the gym. I think he has come a way, and still needs work but with time and motivation and the proper discipline, he can do it.

The hardest part about training someone is when they don’t see results, well when trainers don’t see results. I am not used to this, because people I helped prior while in college, they shown some kind of positive results, not HUGE results, but results they were proud of and it made me proud as well. It seemed like at all of John’s weigh ins, except for one when he lost 1 pound, he was complacent or gaining weight and it always  came down to nutrition, what he has eaten, how much of it he has eaten, how long he has gone without eating, his food choices, etc. I had to tell John that exercise is 20 percent of the battle, the other 80 is a good consistent diet/nutrition that positively effects you as well. I am not a nutritionist or dietitian but I do know that if you eat crap and workout, chances are: results will come slower or not at all – which makes my job a whole lot harder & stressful. because I don’t want to have to keep reminding him of what he already knows. Not to mention, he has had a busy schedule, maybe semi stressful (which stress causes weight gain as well) and I don’t think now is the time to be training him, I feel like now is the time for him to kind of take sometime and figure out everything he needs to figure out, so he can have a clearer mind, and hopefully really sit back and focus on what is important in his life – hopefully his health is one. 

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t just about John, this is mostly about me. 80 percent of the reason why I am doing this break is for me. I want to accomplish so much that the constant worrying about my own body has strained my mind & created an obsession with wanting to reach my standard of perfection for myself. I have always struggled with wanting to reach this “perfect body image” , do better, be better, have better. Since my recent breakup in October, I have really had to build myself back up again, it is tough but I manage, and find things to do to keep my mind on my goals. This 3 months will hopefully give me time to build on myself as a whole (in and out) and to give me more time to focus on priorities.

 I don’t know what will happen after 3 months, depending on where I am at with my life and depending on where he is with his, I may end up training him again or I may not. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to train anyone at this time, because I do and I will continue to help those around me and online, I will still post my workouts and will keep my blogging going – I can manage training people for practice until I pass my exam (then I will charge you $$ LOL), just right now, I need to take a break from training my friend until he is further along and mentally ready in his own time. I hope all of you can understand.

Your Fitness Blogger,

Shay-lon xxx