365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Past

3.16.19

Day 9

Where were you, 10 years, 5 years, and 1 year ago?

  • So this is a good question that requires long answers. I will try to keep them semi short for the same of having to read everything but what I wrote down on paper was much longer due to me really getting my thoughts out. 10 years ago, I was 16 years of age, 11th grade, living in Texas for the 2nd year. I had a few friends at this time, and I wasn’t playing basketball anymore due to a certain circumstance that got me kicked off the team the previous year (which I thought was highly unacceptable), but I was still running track and trying to figure my own life out. I wasn’t necessarily happy living in Texas but enjoyed visiting my Uncle and grandfather who lived a ways away in Texas. I wasn’t dating anyone, but I had a few crushes here and there. I was still uncomfortable with my sexuality — because I didn’t quite understand myself but didn’t really think much about it and didn’t reach out to anyone for understanding (I dealt with things alone) I flirted with guys plenty and got a lot of attention from dudes from school who would say vulgar or anticipate that I would have some sort of sexual experience with them (which I did not) the furthest thing I did was texting inappropriately but I had little knowledge on the subject, I was just searching for something & didn’t know what it was. I had good grades in school at this time and I was probably getting the news we would be leaving before I started my senior year to a new state. 
  • 5 years ago, I was 21 years old, happy as hell that I was finally able to drink alcohol legally (although I was drinking it before this) and I was not close to my mom, we would argue and bicker often, I wasn’t close to my younger brother at all, we just didn’t see eye to eye. I was still in denial about my sexuality to other people but I was already out to my mom at age 18 about being bisexual at the time, but wasn’t out about it to certain family members and friends. I was having an internal battle with myself, I don’t think I was in a serious relationship with anyone but I was dating around somewhat & meeting people offline. I had a few experiences here and there with men my age and older but nothing that I want to get into depth about. I was probably out of college (taking a break) but working two jobs at the time and living with a roommate. I didnt have my life together and wasn’t sure where I would end up.
  • 1 year ago, I was 25 years old, my relationship with my mom was shaking but better and my younger brother and me were getting along better as well. I was out in totally by this age and I don’t think I identified as bisexual anymore, so I think I mainly stuck with dating women at this point. Not in a serious relationship, but had pretty much dated around for a while. I was working at the Anytime Fitness gym and working with a company that helped the mentally and physically handicapped. I had already graduated college years prior to this and decided on being a personal trainer as a career choice. I was eager about the future but still dealing with the fact me and my ex had broken up the year previous to this. 
I like to think my life has been a rollercoaster of weird stuff and with all kinds of mistakes and lessons to have been learned from them. I might not still have my life together but I at least know what I want out of life for the most part now compared to then. My relationships with my family now aren’t as bad (although we have our days) but I am busy with two jobs and working on myself more than not, and I want so much for myself, I have put myself first these days and hopefully it pays off. 
 
If you are feeling up to it, share where you were 10 years, 5 years and 1 year ago. If not all three, choose one and share. I know it can be quite the question but the reflection is nice to look back on. 
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365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

3.06.19

Day 66

What is your biggest fear? Why do you think you are afraid?

  • My biggest fear(s) are being alone for the rest of my life (dying alone), dying in a traumatic way (car accident, murder, etc). never amounting to something and being at a constant standstill in my life (no investment in buying a house/condo, living paycheck to paycheck, having to work two jobs, not being able to afford traveling, no sense of self growth or accomplishment. 
I assume most people have a fear of something, no matter how big or small. What are your biggest fears — and why? 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

2.16.19

Day 48

What makes you nervous?

  • Change. Change in routine, change in location, change in people’s character/personalities (negatively). I believe fear also makes me nervous, fear of failure, fear of challenges/obstacles & having to teach myself to overcome them, fear of unknown(s), fear of the future (not know what will come of mine), fear of new relationships & friendships (not knowing how the person(s) will turn out), fear of disappointing others, fear of making a mistake that could lead to greater consequences. 

Business Keeps Me Busy

Neglecting to write in my blog is like neglecting to eat for me, I get so caught up with my business & I am at the gym all day; training myself & training clients/giving consultations & then having to stack that on top of my second job (third shift) — while also juggling my website & trying to make that soar. I haven’t yet touched podcasting (I will) because I want to do it — it excites me. I haven’t been blogging on the website as often as I had hoped either / another draw back since having more clients at the gym ( I love being a personal trainer) I do, but Google wasn’t lying when it said this profession is around the clock once you gain clientale and make a name for yourself — your schedule is never the same & while I do make my own schedule each week (sometimes the club director assigns clients to me without my knowledge of having an appointment until I look at my calendar) being at the gym is like my home away from home; basically I sleep, eat and work there & I love it — but I don’t want to get burnt out loving what I do. This weekend, I took time away to focus on catching up on sleep and meal prepping and spending time with loved ones & friends (What’s a social life?) LOL. 

So, in the mist of all this rambling, I am basically trying to apologize for the later than late responses & not following some of you newer readers of my blog(s) because honestly, you deserve my attention just as much as I would like yours,  but realistically, we all have a life to live and while I would love to be full time blogger with a higher paying income from it, it’s not happening and so sometimes it doesn’t become top priority over my other obligations. Doesn’t mean I don’t love doing it, I do it because I do love it & because it will one day make a good income & be something people enjoy reading and commenting on again. It probably doesn’t help I don’t share it on my social media platforms (besides #Twitter) anymore due to me being lazy & because since starting this self discovery phase of this blog — I don’t feel as though it touches on fitness/health the way it used to for the time being & that’s okay but I don’ t want people to be let down. When this self discovery phase is over, I will hop back into a fitness/health, body positive , knowledgeable, and worthy topics so that people get excited again and have something to talk about once more. I plan on catching up with blogging this weekend and making it once again a priority (small steps forward) so I will begin with this post — but be ready for more from me. Also, if you don’t catch me on here, I am always on Instagram usually & Twitter and Facebook, so make sure to follow those social platforms to keep up with my life & fun times, hard times & goofy times. 

For all those who have left comments on my older post, have liked, followed or share my post, thank you for supporting my passion to write & my semi-lame post with a splash of “just interesting enough” — I promise my topics will glow once again, we just have to overcome the stagnant self discovery post for a while ( just maybe I will make a fitness/health post while doing this self discovery challenge) but anytime I blog on the personal website, I will share the link with all of you, so you don’t miss out on my personal training fun. Make sure to follow me on social media! I am much more fun on IG LOL.

P.S Do you enjoy my self discovery post? Be honest, I won’t cry – might judge you LOL jk. 

&

If any of you are creative bees and can answer my question: is it cheaper to have t-shirt designs made on your own or to have them done professionally, let me know. I want my brand to shine & I need to make some products (Tshirts/hats/hoodies etc ) and even wanting to create journals for those to track sleep, diet and eating habits. I want to keep things interactive with & I even want to eventually make a Facebook group where people come together & share their progress, goals, etc with the rest of the community. I want to make shit happen, so it will happen, just will be in small steps (hopefully before I hit 30 years old) because Idk if I will have the same motivation later in life. 

Second question of the day, would it be how can I make my blog more interactive for my readers and fellow bloggers.. I know many of you have tons of traffic with comments and likes, etc *& once a upon a time I thought I was killing it, but now, eh. So share your secretes, tell me what has worked for you as a blogger to bring in more traffic — I will use these for my website as well. Gimme all your secrets so I can conquer the world 😀

BTW, guest posting for me is a thing, so if that’s something that interest you, ,let me know & if you know anything about podcast/creating products/website design, making income from blogging, etc.. share your secrets 😀

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 109

12.20.18

Do you easily give up on things? Why is this?

  • Yes and no. I learned at a young age that in whatever I choose to do (sports, music, school activities/clubs) regardless if I was good or not, that I wouldn’t give up but finish til the end & always give it my all. Same with my education, I struggled with reading growing up (elementary school) and so my mom always worked with me to strengthen my reading skills and I was put in a special reading class in order to get extra help with reading — and she never gave up on me and I had to continue working on it (even if most days I wanted to give up) and it paid off, because I became a phenomenal reader and excelled in reading each year after that. I use this same mindset in my adult life but sometimes I have to walk away from something for an extended amount of time to rethink things or to take a break from it in order to come back to it with a positive mindset again. I always TRY, and never give up, but have learned that sometimes taking a break from something can be good for the mind and cause less stress in the long term of things. 
I am sure some of you have given up at least once in your life or have thought about giving up — doesn’t mean you give up easily or maybe it does? Are you the type to give up easily? 

My BLOGVERSARY! *2018

Another Year & I am Still Here.

 

What can I say, still here another year writing and sharing pieces of me that hopefully one day either develop into a story or starts a business where people can’t wait to read what I have to say because it will be something people will want to hear daily. Blogging is second nature to everything else I know, I didn’t start blogging with any idea of how far I could possibly go, or how far I would come — it was just my way to get my health/fitness business started, a way to ignite the important of fitness/health & a host to all my information. For awhile I started going through a couple of my old pieces of writing where the passion was fire and the likes were little to none, and started to read each month & seen the increase of readers, comments, likes, and the amount of post I would do within a day just to make sure I was doing “enough” — by your standards and mine. I started blogging with so little information and no guide, naturally I was having to do this by researching and asking other blogger’s questions (didn’t always help) but there were a few who were helpful and lead me in the right direction. By the time I stepped into my first post, I wrote something and hoped for the best outcome. Took a long time for the best outcome to happen, but it did and it has been growing since then, not as fast but steady and still maintaining some of the same faces who followed me in the beginning are still following me now, it’s wonderful! Blogging has been a magical experience with its good and bad days, and many days I thought about taking long breaks and giving up due to the pressure of my stats not doing so well, but then I seen the way it opened up other outlets (affiliates, marketing, guest post, friendships, mentors, writing for companies/editors, etc) it was worth staying to learn and grow more, it was worth seeing my stats at an all time low in order to prove that it could once more be great, once more be worthy of a following & it was worth watching myself develop as a writer and person through blogging. 

You see blogging wasn’t just for entertainment and for business reasons, it was for personal reasons, I didn’t think I could find an outlet that allowed me to speak to people in the form of writing without fear of what others may think — I don’t speak about my feelings as well as others, and so when I started writing, everything that was on my mind; I allowed it to flow onto the screen and I didn’t look back after hitting “publish” — it was my way of opening up to myself just as this 365 days of self discovery has been. If you take the time to look back on my writing, you will see where the topics have changed, the amount of post a day have changed and my voice within my pieces have stayed the same — because my voice is what captured people, it was the difference between me and the next person writing about the same topic (as yours is unique as well). The foundation of my writing comes from the wonderful readers/writers whom I follow and have continued to be supportive of me as well, they are what sparked these changes in my writing, what helped me to keep going many times, and have been the reason for many of my accomplishments at one point. I owe many thanks to many bloggers who have been more than just a daily reader, but more of a companion & an overseas friend. I couldn’t possibly list them all, because this post would never have an ending but special thanks to:

 

Jim, Ty, PooGja, James, Brad, Bella  — these six have always been wonderful to have, no matter where I land, & no matter how much I slack, they still seem to be around when I come back. Thank you! I appreciate you & I appreciate anyone else whom I did not name, don’t feel left out, because  I recognize new and old followers alike — and I cherish every moment it has created for me and memory I can keep. 

#CheersToManyMoreYears #StillIRise #Shay-lonMoss