365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Past

3.21.19

Day 14

What has been the most difficult time of your life?

  • Well, I have many difficult times, no worse than anyone else I am sure, but still difficult nonetheless. I’d say one of the most was when I was financially defeated, I was broke, literally living paycheck to paycheck, in college and outside of college, I was behind on credit card bills and hardly making payments, hardly making rent, I had no savings account (it got closed because it had no money in it for an extended period of time), I was getting bank overdraft fees constantly, I was maxed out on my credit cards (very high limits) and my debit card would sometimes get declined, so getting groceries was scary.. I mean I thought I was hitting rock bottom but after a while, it took a lot of sacrifices, etc but I made it through finally. 

Do you have a difficult time in your life that stands out? 

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365 Days of Self Discovery: Your Past

3.16.19

Day 9

Where were you, 10 years, 5 years, and 1 year ago?

  • So this is a good question that requires long answers. I will try to keep them semi short for the same of having to read everything but what I wrote down on paper was much longer due to me really getting my thoughts out. 10 years ago, I was 16 years of age, 11th grade, living in Texas for the 2nd year. I had a few friends at this time, and I wasn’t playing basketball anymore due to a certain circumstance that got me kicked off the team the previous year (which I thought was highly unacceptable), but I was still running track and trying to figure my own life out. I wasn’t necessarily happy living in Texas but enjoyed visiting my Uncle and grandfather who lived a ways away in Texas. I wasn’t dating anyone, but I had a few crushes here and there. I was still uncomfortable with my sexuality — because I didn’t quite understand myself but didn’t really think much about it and didn’t reach out to anyone for understanding (I dealt with things alone) I flirted with guys plenty and got a lot of attention from dudes from school who would say vulgar or anticipate that I would have some sort of sexual experience with them (which I did not) the furthest thing I did was texting inappropriately but I had little knowledge on the subject, I was just searching for something & didn’t know what it was. I had good grades in school at this time and I was probably getting the news we would be leaving before I started my senior year to a new state. 
  • 5 years ago, I was 21 years old, happy as hell that I was finally able to drink alcohol legally (although I was drinking it before this) and I was not close to my mom, we would argue and bicker often, I wasn’t close to my younger brother at all, we just didn’t see eye to eye. I was still in denial about my sexuality to other people but I was already out to my mom at age 18 about being bisexual at the time, but wasn’t out about it to certain family members and friends. I was having an internal battle with myself, I don’t think I was in a serious relationship with anyone but I was dating around somewhat & meeting people offline. I had a few experiences here and there with men my age and older but nothing that I want to get into depth about. I was probably out of college (taking a break) but working two jobs at the time and living with a roommate. I didnt have my life together and wasn’t sure where I would end up.
  • 1 year ago, I was 25 years old, my relationship with my mom was shaking but better and my younger brother and me were getting along better as well. I was out in totally by this age and I don’t think I identified as bisexual anymore, so I think I mainly stuck with dating women at this point. Not in a serious relationship, but had pretty much dated around for a while. I was working at the Anytime Fitness gym and working with a company that helped the mentally and physically handicapped. I had already graduated college years prior to this and decided on being a personal trainer as a career choice. I was eager about the future but still dealing with the fact me and my ex had broken up the year previous to this. 
I like to think my life has been a rollercoaster of weird stuff and with all kinds of mistakes and lessons to have been learned from them. I might not still have my life together but I at least know what I want out of life for the most part now compared to then. My relationships with my family now aren’t as bad (although we have our days) but I am busy with two jobs and working on myself more than not, and I want so much for myself, I have put myself first these days and hopefully it pays off. 
 
If you are feeling up to it, share where you were 10 years, 5 years and 1 year ago. If not all three, choose one and share. I know it can be quite the question but the reflection is nice to look back on. 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

3.06.19

Day 66

What is your biggest fear? Why do you think you are afraid?

  • My biggest fear(s) are being alone for the rest of my life (dying alone), dying in a traumatic way (car accident, murder, etc). never amounting to something and being at a constant standstill in my life (no investment in buying a house/condo, living paycheck to paycheck, having to work two jobs, not being able to afford traveling, no sense of self growth or accomplishment. 
I assume most people have a fear of something, no matter how big or small. What are your biggest fears — and why? 

Business Keeps Me Busy

Neglecting to write in my blog is like neglecting to eat for me, I get so caught up with my business & I am at the gym all day; training myself & training clients/giving consultations & then having to stack that on top of my second job (third shift) — while also juggling my website & trying to make that soar. I haven’t yet touched podcasting (I will) because I want to do it — it excites me. I haven’t been blogging on the website as often as I had hoped either / another draw back since having more clients at the gym ( I love being a personal trainer) I do, but Google wasn’t lying when it said this profession is around the clock once you gain clientale and make a name for yourself — your schedule is never the same & while I do make my own schedule each week (sometimes the club director assigns clients to me without my knowledge of having an appointment until I look at my calendar) being at the gym is like my home away from home; basically I sleep, eat and work there & I love it — but I don’t want to get burnt out loving what I do. This weekend, I took time away to focus on catching up on sleep and meal prepping and spending time with loved ones & friends (What’s a social life?) LOL. 

So, in the mist of all this rambling, I am basically trying to apologize for the later than late responses & not following some of you newer readers of my blog(s) because honestly, you deserve my attention just as much as I would like yours,  but realistically, we all have a life to live and while I would love to be full time blogger with a higher paying income from it, it’s not happening and so sometimes it doesn’t become top priority over my other obligations. Doesn’t mean I don’t love doing it, I do it because I do love it & because it will one day make a good income & be something people enjoy reading and commenting on again. It probably doesn’t help I don’t share it on my social media platforms (besides #Twitter) anymore due to me being lazy & because since starting this self discovery phase of this blog — I don’t feel as though it touches on fitness/health the way it used to for the time being & that’s okay but I don’ t want people to be let down. When this self discovery phase is over, I will hop back into a fitness/health, body positive , knowledgeable, and worthy topics so that people get excited again and have something to talk about once more. I plan on catching up with blogging this weekend and making it once again a priority (small steps forward) so I will begin with this post — but be ready for more from me. Also, if you don’t catch me on here, I am always on Instagram usually & Twitter and Facebook, so make sure to follow those social platforms to keep up with my life & fun times, hard times & goofy times. 

For all those who have left comments on my older post, have liked, followed or share my post, thank you for supporting my passion to write & my semi-lame post with a splash of “just interesting enough” — I promise my topics will glow once again, we just have to overcome the stagnant self discovery post for a while ( just maybe I will make a fitness/health post while doing this self discovery challenge) but anytime I blog on the personal website, I will share the link with all of you, so you don’t miss out on my personal training fun. Make sure to follow me on social media! I am much more fun on IG LOL.

P.S Do you enjoy my self discovery post? Be honest, I won’t cry – might judge you LOL jk. 

&

If any of you are creative bees and can answer my question: is it cheaper to have t-shirt designs made on your own or to have them done professionally, let me know. I want my brand to shine & I need to make some products (Tshirts/hats/hoodies etc ) and even wanting to create journals for those to track sleep, diet and eating habits. I want to keep things interactive with & I even want to eventually make a Facebook group where people come together & share their progress, goals, etc with the rest of the community. I want to make shit happen, so it will happen, just will be in small steps (hopefully before I hit 30 years old) because Idk if I will have the same motivation later in life. 

Second question of the day, would it be how can I make my blog more interactive for my readers and fellow bloggers.. I know many of you have tons of traffic with comments and likes, etc *& once a upon a time I thought I was killing it, but now, eh. So share your secretes, tell me what has worked for you as a blogger to bring in more traffic — I will use these for my website as well. Gimme all your secrets so I can conquer the world 😀

BTW, guest posting for me is a thing, so if that’s something that interest you, ,let me know & if you know anything about podcast/creating products/website design, making income from blogging, etc.. share your secrets 😀

365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

Day 4

What is causing you stress right now?

  • Having to spend my Sunday cleaning & reorganizing my room, having to play catch up on work paperwork & blog content and try to fit in meal prepping before work later tonight. Also, having to possibly leave the house to get supplies (if need be) when I rather stay in the house today and relax. Worrying about getting my life/business in order and focusing my attention on priorities so that I can be organized. I normally don’t mind organizing and cleaning my room or house but in cases when I have a lot on my plate before the new week & many things I want to have accomplished before Monday — it can be quite stressful to say the least. 

Is anything stressing you out right now? if not, you are lucky my friend LOL

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 77

11.18.18

What does your work mean to you?

  • My profession as a personal trainer and writing/blogging means a great deal to me. If you mean in general, my work represents my dedication and passion for the things that mean most to me, shows my time, my hard work & achievements.

365 days of self discovery: Day 49

10.21.18

What is your reaction when you don’t get what you want?

  • Quite a funny question, due to the fact, I like to assume we have all somewhat had this happen & maybe we weren’t happy about it, but I will assume none of through a tantrum? or did we? lol. Well, growing up in my household, my mom always made sure me and my brother had what we need and most of our wants/if not all; so I never knew what it was like to go without something — and when there would be that ONE time where I really wanted something because someone else had it, and my mom failed to get it for me, I just assumed it was because we couldn’t afford it at the time and would try my hardest to not allow it to bother me (but we know people start to ask questions and so sometimes my classmates or teammates would ask me why I don’t have it, or when I would get it) and I would just make up some kind of lie or rather just pretend I didn’t give a shit about it to want it. Sometimes it helped and sometimes it didn’t & to be honest, I only remember one time of that happening & my coach would then chime in and try to help pay for it (it was a team hoodie) and my mom just didn’t have the funds right away to get it for me, not to mention it wasn’t her only priority and my coach would then ask me about it and after finding out my mom’s reason for me not having it, I don’t remember if my coach helped to afford it or if my mom just ended up paying for it later on.. either way, that probably has been the only time. Regardless, as I got older, I was then taught in order to get something I wanted, I needed to earn it with either getting a job and making money or doing something around the house that was well worthy the prize. At first it was annoying (to be fair, I didn’t get my first job until I was 18) and it wasn’t like my chores were all that hard, I was just being a lazy teen. I was really living a life of luxury, my mom did our laundry and folded our clothes, etc, hell I didn’t have to do my first batch of laundry until I was like 21 or 22  I think? lol so I can’t really say my life was hard, it wasn’t. Anyways, after obtaining my first job, and having paid for something for the first time with my own money, it felt really good to say I could afford something I wanted and then on, I kind of got used to it UNTIL I quit my job by not showing up for work & my mom didn’t find out til like later on and yeah, so I have to say, I also didn’t particularly want to work but somewhere down the line I ended up getting another job and keeping it much longer. Now that I much older than I was, and don’t rely on my mom for finances; I have had to endure things that humbled me to the point where I had to make certain sacrifices in order to obtain something I wanted, and with those experiences came a better attitude and means of handling things when I don’t get what I want. Sometimes I will still get frustrated or upset depending on the situation but many times, I shrug it off and move on.