365 Days of Self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

1.30.19

Day 31

What do you miss the most?

  • When I much younger with hardly any responsibilities, and when I didn’t have to worry about bills or paying off debt, etc. 
What do you miss most? Anything in particular, a certain time period, moment, memory? 
Advertisements

365 Days of self Discovery: Feelings & Emotions

1.12.19

 Day 13

Do you believe crying is a healthy outlet for negative emotions? What makes you cry?

  • When I was younger, crying was a reaction I had to many things that were negative, mostly when I was trouble, I did it a lot. My mom disliked when I cried, she would always tell me to quit my crying and that crying wouldn’t get me anywhere in life. She used to say how quick I was to drop a tear.  I learned crying was not an accepted reaction in my household growing up & when I got older (high school and beyond) I started reacting with anger — lashing out with words and physically want to fight the person who was causing me to feel that way. I would cry while being angered or after being so angered because normally I was sad, or feeling misunderstood or feeling hopeless, I didn’t like talking about my emotions with anyone, so my emotions and feelings I held inside and sometimes it would cause me to erupt after a while. Now, I will cry when I feel some form of depression or sadness coming on, or on my period and hormones are going crazy, but it usually take a lot for me to cry — now I am more apt to respond with anger or I will ignore the person/situation all together to avoid getting myself too worked up. If I do cry, I prefer crying alone vs crying in front of others; especially in front of my mom. I don’t like having people witness me cry. 
Personally, I think crying can be used as a healthy outlet for those of us who have a hard time talking about our emotions/feelings with others, sometimes crying is what keeps someone from viciously attacking themselves or other people, it is their way of letting you know they have reached their limits. However, I do believe that crying doesn’t help solve problems, doesn’t make the pain go away — it might numb it for a small amount of time, but once you have stopped the crying it comes back, so, eventually we all have to learn to face the situation head on & find coping methods that are better suited. I cry when I am sad: death, fear sometimes, depressive episodes, certain songs that trigger flashbacks or bring back memories that are sad, pain (physical and mental pain), and sometimes guilt. 
 
What are your opinions on using crying as a healthy outlet for negative emotions, good or bad idea? why do you feel this way? what makes you cry? or are you the kind of person who doesn’t cry? 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 109

12.20.18

Do you easily give up on things? Why is this?

  • Yes and no. I learned at a young age that in whatever I choose to do (sports, music, school activities/clubs) regardless if I was good or not, that I wouldn’t give up but finish til the end & always give it my all. Same with my education, I struggled with reading growing up (elementary school) and so my mom always worked with me to strengthen my reading skills and I was put in a special reading class in order to get extra help with reading — and she never gave up on me and I had to continue working on it (even if most days I wanted to give up) and it paid off, because I became a phenomenal reader and excelled in reading each year after that. I use this same mindset in my adult life but sometimes I have to walk away from something for an extended amount of time to rethink things or to take a break from it in order to come back to it with a positive mindset again. I always TRY, and never give up, but have learned that sometimes taking a break from something can be good for the mind and cause less stress in the long term of things. 
I am sure some of you have given up at least once in your life or have thought about giving up — doesn’t mean you give up easily or maybe it does? Are you the type to give up easily? 

When Drama comes starts knocking, I leave the door closed

Good drama, is a poor excuse to have drama

Ya know what I have come to realize, that some people need drama to thrive on friendships, need drama to feel a purpose and rely on drama to gain some of kind insight on other people’s lives — me on the other hand, I don’t need it nor want it and I delete it as soon as it forms. 

Having been much younger once, I knew what drama could produce at an early age, and had my share of people’s bullshit and wanting to be apart of heavy gossip in hopes it would give me kudo points for being on the same side as others. Let’s face it, in grade school and some of high school, drama formed so often that when you think you dodged a bullet, it just meant another person had room to attempt the same scheme. I’d like to say with age came wisdom and learning from former mistakes and choosing to focus on more important things rather than other people’s business BUT, can’t say it meant drama would cease to appear in my life, nope, drama was still around and for good reason, because without it, meant I had little to no friends. Yet, you start to realize drama creates chaos and chaos invites itself in your life when you are most vulnerable or weak minded. In order to rid of chaos, you learn you have to make sacrifices that aren’t easy but will payoff (doesn’t seem that way at first) but in time it does payoff. 

For me, in order to live a drama free lifestyle, I had to rid the people I surrounded myself with that were bad blood and carried negative vibes — wasn’t easy until I started to see how it hindered my growth financially, mentally, educationally, and physically. Here I am YEARS later, without an ounce of drama to my name & the drama that might have tried to seep into my life, I ignored it or shut it down, & gave it no attention unless it was something that needed to be talked about in order to move on from. Otherwise, when drama comes knocking, I leave the door closed. Now drama normally is equated with gossip and I don’t particularly love hearing gossip, especially since I have learned and matured enough to make up my own opinions of other people once I get to know them vs believing everything someone else tells me (I always “consider my sources”) which means whatever someone tells me about another person, I take with a grain of salt until it has been proven / else I make my own judgement based on how the person treats me personally & if I am being honest, what someone does in their free time isn’t my business unless it effects me or somebody I care/love. Case closed.

Another form of drama is in relationships & I suppose those are much harder to shut down, because I assume we love the person we are dating & so this makes things more complicated BUT I found the best way to prevent drama from forming in your relationships is understanding the person’s character before putting yourself in a relationship with the person and really thinking about if the person is compatible with you. Good looks don’t mean the person has a solid character and just because he/she gives to charity doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t gossip.. so this is where being superficial can harm the future of your relationship. I believe it takes time & you and only you know what you need out of a person in order to have a successful relationship and so you need to make good decisions to have good outcomes. Not saying a relationship will be perfect but when the time comes and drama shows up at your front door during your relationship — the goal is for both parties to find a solution together that doesn’t burden the relationship or person/people within it. That’s the goal — easier said than done. 

Third form of drama is when you allow it to change your character in order to keep your popularity or friends. I think this is one of the worst forms because it really has a way of biting you in the ass if you don’t pay mind to it. I had to learn that popularity and having the most votes doesn’t mean anything if I have to change myself in order to be accepted among the majority. Nobody likes being an outcast/different, but sometimes being the unique one makes for a better character and a longevity of true friendships. Doesn’t mean you will win an Oscar , but it could mean you earn a good reputation. 

You learn that drama will happen, and continue to happen and that some forms of drama can be ignored and other forms need to be dealt with in order to make it disappear or prevent it from causing further chaos. I have had people say there is good drama, but good drama isn’t drama – it is reward, inspiration, blessings, and positive vibes & it doesn’t create chaos, but creates wisdom, happiness, triumphs, and builds good character. The good drama people speak of is: congrats, birthdays, holiday greetings marriage/newly weds , pregnancy, anniversaries, good health, promotions, compliments, good counsel, good deeds, and love. These are forms of drama that help uplift, motivate and give people a reason to smile — 

“Good drama doesn’t exist, it is purely a person with good intentions looking to give someone a reason to be happy” – Shay-lon Moss

 

365 Days of Self Discovery: Day 92

12.03.18

Are you a good communicator?

  • At a very young age up until late high school, I struggled with my socialization skills & communicating with peers. Especially when it came to voicing my opinion, confrontations, debates, communicating my feelings/thoughts to others, etc. It wasn’t that I was anti-social or didn’t have any friends, I was very outgoing (still am) and had friends, but I was what most would probably consider “awkward”; Having a conversation with someone was harder due to my social anxiety — being a class clown all my life was my way of communicating and making friends, it seemed so much easier to find ways to make people laugh, than it was trying to talk to people in normal day to day conversations. I have many reasons as to why I feel as though I was struggling with this, mostly with other women vs men. I was a tomboy, so being one of the guys and hanging with my younger brother was my way of trying to fit in, vs hanging out with a bunch of girls from school. At a young age, I knew I was different, but it didn’t strike me as hard until I realized that maybe I had an attraction towards the same sex, and this just made communicating / socializing even harder at times. As I got older, I started to learn to open up to people more and had more conversation & my class clown acts weren’t as rapid, but after suffering from  losing friends, and having to move to different states/change schools, my communication skills started to once again dwindle because of my social anxiety from not knowing anyone. At the same time I had a hard time communicating with my own parent, my mom wasn’t the easiest lady talking to growing up (still has her moments now) because she is both stubborn and stuck in her ways and she believes what she says, goes — so I didn’t really have the confidence to speak up to her about certain matters until later in life. I’d say now, my communication skills aren’t perfect & I still have social anxiety, but I am better at voicing my opinion to peers, better at communicating my feelings within relationships and with close friends & I have gotten better at trying to voice my thoughts to my mom (even when she doesn’t seem to want to hear about it), regardless, I am glad this is something I have learned to excel at, and having taken a communication class in college, helped me to be able to talk in front of others with less fear. The hardest thing is keeping in touch with people — I am not good at doing that. 

365 days of self discovery: Day 38

10.10.18

What are three facts about you that not many people know?

  1. I have been a victim of bullying in the past and present
  2. Growing up, I loved skateboarding, it was my thing and I was pretty good at it.
  3. In elementary school, I had to be dismissed from class everyday because I needed extra help with my reading & vocabulary; so I would spend time in a separate class with 4-5 other children my age to work on my bettering my reading skills.

What are 3 facts about you! — stuff most people do not know. Share in the comments & be sure to follow and like!